I am sick with a chronic condition, in bed almost all the time. I feel like I am shortchanging them in so many ways. I can't help with homework, I forget to take care of things, I can't drive them to their appointments, I often don't have any good meals for them. Their dad gives me plenty of money, but there is so much that you just can't hire, and even hiring and managing help I cannot do. They are frustrated with my condition. Their preference would be to live half the time with me and half with him. But he is so rigid, it is either almost all him or me, for him, with one of us taking them only every other week-end. He is a good dad, but will not be flexible about his custody preference. He can be temperamental too, which is why I took them in the first pace. But, it's now about a year, and I can say that, while I adore them, I am failing them.,.
2006-11-22 12:19:38 · 8 answers · asked by claudia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I might add that he does berate me, and that will damage my relationship with them, at least temporarily. Also, since I will not (really cannot) fight for what their preferred arrangement is, I am concerned about them resenting me for that.
2006-11-22 12:50:58 · update #1
The short answer is yes. The primary consideration should be what is in the best interests of your daughters. If you think that your daughters' needs will be better met if they are living with their father, then the hard choice may be the right one. You will still be able to offer your daughters your love and your guidance, even if you aren't able to provide day to day care. And at least you feel good about their father as a parent. It may be time, at least, to do an honest accounting of the pluses and minuses of changing the custody arrangement. Maybe a friend, or someone you trust who could be objective could help you with that. You don't say how old your daughters are, but if they are older, their input might be considered. However, it would be important to make sure they understand that it is the adults who are making this decision. You don't want them to feel that they are to blame in any way. Good luck with this. I have great empathy for what an agonizingly difficult position you are in.
2006-11-22 13:08:05 · answer #1 · answered by senlin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
in some cases the children are definitely better off being cared for by the father;
my brothers 2 boys were & even their maternal grandfather has said so on a number of occassions.
only you can decide what is going to be in the best interests of your children,
IF you do decide that their father is in a better position to give them quality care than talk to the children & give them your reasons why- let them know you aren't giving them up - just giving them what you feel is a better chance in life because of your love for them.
you also need to talk to their father - maybe through a mediator & stress to him that it is NOT beneficial to the children for him to denigrate you to them.
how old are your children? maybe they could tell their father their concerns & how much time they wish to spend with you.
at least try to get him to agree to some days every week & also phone calls whenever the children want
the childrens welfare is the first priority here
DO get something in writing through a solicitor regards your minimum access times
2006-11-22 13:14:45 · answer #2 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How old are the girls? If they are old enough, sit them down and talk to them. Ask them where they would prefer to live. If they say you, then all is well. If they say their dad, then that is fine also. If they're not old enough to make this decision for themsleves, then use your best judgment......most likely to live with their dad, at least temporarily. In case you get better, then re-negotiate at that time.
2006-11-22 13:29:52 · answer #3 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really wouldnt worry, even if he tried they have to look at the best interest of the child and since he has had no contact or any interaction with this child he cant be viewed at as one they would favor in courts. if he tries to fight it the courts might send him and your child for a paternity test to prove if he is or not the father, and he could try to maybe fight for visitations but he would also need to pay child suport and most men dont like to do that, i would assume he is all talk since he has not bothered so far why do it now only to take time and effort not to mention money....as long as your childs care is good that is good enough to keep your child even if you dont have finacial means as of now. best of luck
2016-05-22 19:36:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In general, fathers are just as good of a parent as mothers.
So, yeah, it's okay for fathers to have custody.
It's a crying shame that so many "family" courts in the U.S. treat fathers as criminals with wallets.
2006-11-22 12:44:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, as long as the father is a responcible ADULT, not some inmature kid who is still in the party stage of life.
If he can support the children.
Give him the chance...
Good Luck
2006-11-22 13:06:24 · answer #6 · answered by David Y 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
(((hugs))) Of course it's okay, dads can and do make great parents. This is so loving and unselfish of you and I can only imagine the heartache you're going through making this decision. Please know that if you decide to do this they will one day understand and thank you. (((hugs)))
2006-11-22 13:25:26 · answer #7 · answered by me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes, if you are not able to care for them and give them everything they need then yes.
2006-11-22 13:37:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋