I have relatives coming and this one female...relative (my sister in law) is very negative and tries to get a lot of attention. I know that she recently lost some weight and is proud of this. I am glad that she is being healthy and trying to feel good. Here is what I am worried about - I have had a terrible year, my father passed away, I have been taking care of my mother and sister while working part time and finally finishing my Bachelor’s degree. Thanksgiving is being held at my house and everyone is coming over. I don't look my best since I have been taking care of other people and not myself all year long. I have gained some weight and I don't feel confident. I am thinking that if my sister in law makes any rude comments about my weight that I will blow my top about this... so with that said, what should I do if I am insulted about my appearance? Any sassy or mature come backs? What would you do?
2006-11-22 10:22:59 · 10 answers · asked by Mushy_bushy 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Tell her you take Ugly pills..... pause .... and then say I see you are on the extra strong! lol Humour works every time! This is English humour though....
2006-11-22 10:36:53 · answer #1 · answered by Mike10613 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your feelings. First of all, you are special. So what, if you have few more pounds than your s-i-l.
You can upstage your s-i-l by talking about the weight gain yourself even before she says a word. Say that the stress due to your family situation made you gain some weight. It is a fact that most people gain weight due to stress (that leads to overeating). Add it with a quote from Gauthama Buddha. Buddha said "A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity." Say to her that you value that quote from that great person and like to follow that in your life. Tell your s-i-l that you spent time helping your family; they needed you this year with all that happened; you feel that is very important; in that process you did not even care about your own health so much. Note that the quote talks about kind speech. If you put that quote clear enough she will also get the hint about the importance of it. Consequently and hopefully she may refrain from making those unpalatable remarks that hurt.
Remember, no one can put you down with your permission. Happy Thanksgiving.
2006-11-22 13:40:42 · answer #2 · answered by questionman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need sassy come backs...
Laugh with her at the table and take her out back later on and confront her. You will feel 10 times better and not regret holding your tongue if she did get stupid you decided not to say anything. (as most people usually do and regret it afterward)
Sometimes... we need to care more for ourselves then we do hurting anyone Else's feelings.
You could avoid the whole potential mess by being the first to tell her how great she looks and ask her for some diet tips because you have been so busy all year with school and caring for everyone else that you haven't had much time to yourself and you really let yourself go a bit.
Makes you a hero for being nice enough to both compliment her and ask for help it keeps her and you off the attack and defensive.
Personally... knowing what I do about people like this... I would opt for the first choice because I have always been way better at calling people out on their sh*it in a dissociated cold and calculated way than I have ever been at phoniness and pretension. But sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire you know?
Good luck hon! and Happy Gobble day!
2006-11-22 10:35:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't get sassy, just tell the truth. Tell her this has been a difficult time in your life and you'd appreciate her not making rude comments. That will - 1) get sympathy and 2) possibly make her back off.
If that doesn't work, stab her; Just kidding :-) Ask her or whomever for any suggestions on balancing life's ups and downs and weight. People always want to talk about themselves and how the "did it."
2006-11-22 10:27:37 · answer #4 · answered by downinmn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Taking care of you mom and sis, and finishing your Bachelors degree and your glad for the good health of a mouthy and shallow sister-in-law. Dear person, I am considered thin and attractive. Guess what? I don't have the accomplishments you do. People who are worth salt don't like me for my looks and I don't care about what mean people think and let them know about it. You deserve to be confident and don't let her get away with treating you like a doormat. She'll be in your home enjoying your graciousness. If she mouths at you, tell her to shut up with a smile on your kind face and go about your business.
2006-11-22 10:50:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
think about something rewarding u've done. u say u've been taking care of others? tell them wat a good person u are. maybe exaggerate n say that u helped someone reconsider suicide, or helped someone get out of anerexia. that should take the focus off ur body. oh yeah, and wear ur best clothes that flaunt, say, ur pretty hair or eyes or watever is a good feature about u.
engage in convo w/ other pp, and when this girl talks about her body, just casually walk away and help set the table or look after the kids. dont beat urself up so much, so buisy urself w/ something else. she's the one who only thinks about herself, so actually u're the better person.
btw, if u help pp out, make sure u dont forget about ur other needs too. c a dress u really like in the window of store? get it. ur worth it.
2006-11-22 11:15:07 · answer #6 · answered by agalicktourq 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sister-in-law, meaning she married your brother. Surely you have some fond memories of sibling rivalry with your brother, right? Harken back to those days and if she says something, look to your brother and say something like "Remember when we were kids and we talked about who would get married first? You should have conceded it to me."
Or you could flatten her completely with: "Yes, I'm heavier than you which makes you happier, more successful, and a better caretaker for my brother, which is obviously why we're having dinner at your hou- ...oh wait, nevermind."
2006-11-22 10:34:28 · answer #7 · answered by Takfam 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if this event is held in your home, just put the boot down if she gets lippy. you say you've been through a lot, so that means your stronger than you think. be proud of what you've accomplished and don't let anyone take you down.
2006-11-22 10:30:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I look good and people like me.
Say it again and try to have fun. Drink some wine or something.
2006-11-22 10:25:57 · answer #9 · answered by James B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Have I ever told you how much I appreciate your comments about me? :: pause :: I wonder why."
2006-11-22 10:41:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋