After ending affair... how do i move on?

Question

I am planning to break up with my lover who is married. The problem is i am really in love with him, and i broke up with him before, everytime i date someone else i feel so guily and can't get him out of my head. Any suggestion on how to definetely move on. Whether by myself or how to change my mindset and be open to new people ?

Answer 1

Do what I did--go cold turkey. No emails, no phone calls, no NOTHING. Took me 15 months to get that loser out of my head but I'm so glad I did.

Answer 2

You may be in love with the guy but he's NOT YOURS to love! And if he was, would you be happy, knowing that he will cheat on you like he already has cheated on his wife? Is this the kind of person you want for a mate? You're in a dead end place because he's using you. Get out of his (and his wife's) life once and for all. Then take whatever time you need to adjust. It doesn't really matter whether you "get over" him or not. He was never yours. You do need to change your mind toward a more realistic way of thinking about him. He's a cheater. He lies to his wife. You probably aren't the only affair he's had or is having.....or will have. He probably doesn't smell like such a breath of fresh air when you think realistically about him, does he? Tell him goodbye! Go! Stay gone! Stay away from where he is. Don't answer any calls or letters or e-mails. NONE! You deserve a chance to start over with someone who isn't already taken; someone whom you can trust and love openly. Don't settle for less. This guy's got "BAD NEWS" written all over him.

Answer 3

Keep in mind that he is still with her for a reason and this is why he will never leave her for you. Cut him off completely, do not accept phone calls, visits, or emails. You should NEVER feel guilty for seeing other people, he is not yours to begin with nor does he have a right to be jealous. Spend some time alone and cry about it - just get it out of your system, but get out there and date (single men only). Don't buy that crap from the new guy (if he is in a committed relationship) about his wife is bad and blah blah blah, you already been through this , if he is in a relationship keep it moving, date available, unattached guys, go out for fun, it doesn't have to begin with a serious long term objective. This will give your heart time to heal, and as time goes on you will be totally over Mrs. Whats her name's husband. Seriously, cut your losses and move on. The one for you is out there, just be careful.

Answer 4

Dear Catalista,

Glad to know you have decided to move on. There are a lot of groups out there designed to help people "move on." A lot of church groups have a "life after divorce" class that would be very helpful to you.

Have you looked into a hobby ever? Did anything ever interest you that you might like to look into now? Doing things you enjoy right now to keep you distracted from your ex is a good thing. If you wanted to lose a little weight or get into shape, join a health club and use up some of your energy that way - it's very healthy.

I am so glad you are moving on and going to make a happier life for yourself. It's definitely time to take care of yourself!! Hugs and good luck to you.

Answer 5

38 minutes ago you asked if you should end an affair.

Now you say you're planning on breaking up with your lover who is married.

Ummm... Find an activity besides sitting at a keyboard to occupy your mind. Challenge yourself in a sport, game, etc., and get outside where there's fresh air and fresh ideas awaiting you.

Everything might be bottled up inside you and coupling it by not doing something else sure doesn't help.

Find a good book (not a romance) and start reading.


Best of luck!

Answer 6

You need to cut all ties with him and that means not seeing him, no phone calls, nothing. Spend some time on your own first until you're ready to date other people without having this guy always in the back of your mind, otherwise, any relationship you end up in will only be a rebound.

Answer 7

I know you love him but .. This is so silly. Do you want to be the other woman forever? You deserve so much more than that. Take someone else as a rebound if thats what would help. Do anything move away.. But do not continue to live like this. You are hurting a family and thats just wrong ..

Answer 8

think of yourself,this man does not love you ,he wants to have it both ways,he's never going to leave his wife for you,all married men use that same old line,that's why you've broke up with him before,because he keeps telling you the same old bs,when you're trying to get over a lover,take one day at a time,you feel guilty because he's married,if you break up with him,be firm,don't talk to him,or call him,tell him you deserve someone who's available and someone who will treat you with respect
don't keep being a doormat for this man,there's no future with a married man

Answer 9

How did you fall in Love with someone else's Husband?Don't you know that he knows how to keep you on the side.Get your life in order.Do exactly what you have planned to do---break it off.Then take time to get yourself together.Just remember your the only one that will be hurting, he'll be home boning his wife surrounded by his family.Then keep yourself busy.Talk to friends that stopped coming around,and go everywhere you went all along.I don't know why men do that.I feel sorry for the females involved, we always get hurt.But know this, once a cheater always a cheater.

Answer 10

You made the decision in only 35 minutes? That's how long ago you asked if you should.

I have a feeling you already were going to and just threw it out there.

You might need therapy. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. I am so happy someone FINALLY is.

Answer 11

I know its hard but don't give up. My best advise to you will be to stay busy. Try focusing on other things like school or join the gym. Spending time with family and friends helps alot too. About the dating thing.... start dating when your ready you are just adding more stress to yourself. Good Luck!!