How Else Can I Put It I Am Sick Of This...Help!?

Question

I am engaged to a guy who has four children we have been together for going on three years in an about three months. He has an 18 yr old who lives w/ us (quit his job, isn't in school and his mom still gets CS for him). He pays all of the bills, but the bills will be the same if I am there or not! Well, here it is I have been trying to convince myself to stay because of how long we have been together and because we have a daughter together (she's a year old)! I am not sexually satisfied, his children are sloppy, they aren't disciplined, don't do chores, are always at home (their mom rarely came to see them or keep them so I suggested not allowing her to see them until she paid up her Child Support up) their presence and need for attention and rambunctious has got to me to the point where I don't want to be bothered anymore. I don't want to have sex too often because with all that I have going on in my head and his arrogance I just can't take it anymore. I didn't want to leave but I need 2

You all are right thee children didn't just pop out of no where. All but one resided with him then the other 2 just were dropped of one of the childrens mothers the 18 yr old mother still receives child support for him they have although he's been living with us not working or in school. Everyone who encounters his daughter says that she's mischeveous and they couldn't deal with her. His own parents don't invite her over. As for his other son he stays to himself mostly but he's extremely sloppy and pisses on everything (12 yr old). As for the other one I know it's just a matter of time before his mom kicks him out and then he'll be living there to in a three bed room town house. Not to mention he won't dicipline them nor do we ever have QT together because the children are always there and their mother won't pay her child support! I am sick of it all!

I have talked to him, I have left and stayed at my mothers, my mother agrees with me and other people too, and for the record I make 28K a year so I don't need him to do anything for me that I can't do financially!

Answer 1

Go then. You're not married. You picked a man with a bunch of baggage.

Answer 2

Sadly, you bought into this situation. How long has his "other" family been an issue? You ain't gonna change 'em, and you ain't gonna get any support for your position from him. Why should he be on your side?? That other family has been around longer than you, and they will still be there if you leave. Your withholding (?) of sex, if that's what's going on is just going to make the situation worse. How the h*ll did you get pregnant in the midst of all this? I know it took both of you, but you are the one who's paying for it.


My advice is two ways, 1.) Suck it up and live with it. You wouldn't be the first person who, having made a bad bargain, had to bear up under it for years. 2.) If you have the strength, leave TODAY!!! Just don't expect any help from him after you do. What you do with your daughter is up to the two of you together. You both have rights, but you both need to be mature enough to make a decision based solely on what will benefit her the most.I'd recommend counselling to the both of you (together if possible)

Answer 3

it never works when your life is filled with children from a previous relationship, the bottom line is your partner refuses to make them respect u or your home. and he never will. i lived this for 10 years, thought when the boy turned 18 he would get his life together, and we could finally have a life, well he married and had children, and continued to call dad for help, we ended up running short on money, he was spending our assetts to finance a place for his son to live, it never ended, the boy was still a dependant after he turned 25, so it caused a divorce, stayed way too long in this marriage, waiting for things to stop with the son, finally confrontation came on my part, and he asked for a divorce, found out he had been cheating for a while. wasted years of my life with him, and dealing with kid's who were disrespectful, and angry that i married their dad, i had no part in his divorce, didn't even know him than. best to just get out if u don't need him financially, it never ends, you will be waiting a lifetime for changes that u will never see. all u will see is more resentment on your part.

Answer 4

Frankly, you knew what you were getting yourself into. What? Did the kids just pop out of no where? I don't think so!

Get some self help books. Go on strike. Stop cooking and cleaning until they get the hint.

You're not a maid service or sex factory for the old man either.

Answer 5

I HAVE SEEN ALOT OF YOUR QUESTIONS BEFORE AND IT SEEMS LIKE YOU REALLY PUT UP WITH ALOT FROM THIS MAN AND HIS KIDS. EACH TIME YOU SEEM TO GET MORE DISTANT FROM HIM. YOU HAVE TRIED AND TRIED IN THIS RELATIONSHIP AND NOTHING IS GETTING SOLVED. IT'S TIME START THINKING OF "YOU". I UNDERSTAND YOU WANT TO STAY BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CHILD WITH HIM. YOU CAN NOT STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR THE SOLE REASON THAT YOU HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER. IT WILL NOT WORK. BUT THERE ARE MANY OF US WHO ARE RAISING CHILDREN IN A SINGLE PARENT HOME. YOU CAN DO IT. THE LONGER YOU STAY, THE MORE YOU WILL END UP HATING HIM. LEAVE NOW. IT WILL BE HARD BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SO LONG BUT YOU CAN AND WILL DO IT. MOVE BACK IN WITH YOUR MOTHER AND GET YOURSELF TOGETHER EMOTIONALLY. WHEN YOUR READY AND STRONG THEN YOU CAN GET A PLACE ALONE WITH YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER. PEOPLE GO THREW THIS EVERYDAY. IT JUST DEPENDS ON HOW YOU HANDLE THE SITUATION. HANDLE IT THE RIGHT WAY AND WILL WILL END UP ON TOP. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK

Answer 6

Most child support stops at 18. Those kids have their own mother. Evaluate how you are going to support your child.It appears that your husband to be doesn't support your ideas of order, discipline, and family harmony. Leave and find happiness. They will be fine without you. You and your daughter deserve so much more. It will be difficult at first, but it beats being someones maid. If you stay, you might find yourself building resentment. Leave peacefully. Bless them and release them. You will make it

Answer 7

Well, I cant say that I would put up with all that you say is going on. But what I read is a lot of complaining, but I dont read anything about what you or the person you are engaged to are doing to rectify the problem. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! He has to make a choice. Its not all on you. Lay down the law. If he wants to be with you he will compromise. (I speak from experience)

Answer 8

You already know what you feel you want to do and if you are looking at how long you have been with him, three years is not all that long. Do what you feel you should do for you and your daughter and be honest with him and be thankful that he is an involved dad because your daughter will still be able to have a relationship with her dad and her siblings.

Answer 9

First of all BooBoo the world does not revolve around you and your petty little issues. Learn to respect your man and what he does for you (like bringing home that paycheck!) And his children is his responsibility is his children. If you can't accept him and his family your the one that is the main problem not them. So you and your ungrateful *** need to get your act together. The only reason y he should not leave your *** is because ya'll have a child together.

Answer 10

Talk to him.Tell him that you are going to leave if something isnt done about the kids and the whole situation. Let him know that its comming. He needs to understand where you are comming from...The kids should be disciplined.He should come up with some kind of order for them.

Answer 11

Sounds to me like you have answered your own question, but let's take a moment to examine other options. Have you talked to him about it? If you are sure you cant handle it then I would leave,however he does have rights as a father so you need to make sure he is able to see his daughter.