We dated, moved in together, moved out but stayed committed and now he wants to go back to casual dating?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. we are both in our late 30's and have children from previous marriages. we had a great relationship and were deeply in love until I moved in, then everything went down hill quickly. we have both hurt each other and made mistakes, however he has a "female best friend" that was intimate for 12 years and even the first year we dated he was still sleeping with her (i just found this out). when we entered into a committed relationship my only concern was her. she never liked me, or wanted to get to know me, so she got a boyfriend and was a problem no longer. she was and is in love with my bf and they work together. she is most of the problems in our relationship. he won't talk to me about her and he is always secretive. we have been living apart for 4 months and making some positive progress, but now out of the clear blue he says he needs "space" and he acts like he hates me. to be continued

He is so cold and distant and he changed the locks on his house and told me he needs time. well in 2 weeks he has called me 2 times both to come over and have dinner and then send me home. I love him and want to work things out but how can I like this? I know the "friend" probably dumped her boyfriend and she is telling him i am no good for him. they have been spending alot of time together I was just told and she is old and ugly and yuck. he invites me over and won't touch, kiss or show any affection and he says really mean hurtfully things to me. why does he want me around? I decided to punish me for my imperfections and mistakes. I know I should not give him the time of day but its hard. I just want to him my feelings on what he is doing and walk away. he will deny everything and blame me as usual. I need some closure HELP

He is so cold and distant and he changed the locks on his house and told me he needs time. well in 2 weeks he has called me 2 times both to come over and have dinner and then send me home. I love him and want to work things out but how can I like this? I know the "friend" probably dumped her boyfriend and she is telling him i am no good for him. they have been spending alot of time together I was just told and she is old and ugly and yuck. he invites me over and won't touch, kiss or show any affection and he says really mean hurtfully things to me. why does he want me around? I decided to punish me for my imperfections and mistakes. I know I should not give him the time of day but its hard. I just want to him my feelings on what he is doing and walk away. he will deny everything and blame me as usual. I need some closure HELP

Answer 1

yeah. well.

I think you should give him the space he needs. Sorry, but it's quite clear that he's already found the love of his life and it's not you. Count your blessings that you dodged that bullet (I bet he never stopped sleeping with her) and move on.

Answer 2

This is such a sad situation that you have dragged your children into -- why don't you re-read everything you just wrote, accept all of the facts that you are now aware of and accept that you made a horrible mistake on behalf of your kids and yourself and just FORGET THIS STUPID GUY ALTOGETHER and stop acting like such a STUPID WOMAN YOURSELF.

Please, walk away from these disgusting people, forgive yourself for the disgusting behaviour you took on in front of your kids (sleeping with some guy who would not commit to you or them by marrying you and dumping past sex friends.... cmon!)

But do not continue in this awful behavior -- you decide what kind of life you lead, and through these decisions you decide what kind of life your sweet, innocent kids will lead. Take care of them, focus ONLY on them, no more drama with your sex life -- move back with your parents if you need to, admit to them that you have been going down the wrong path, and STOP DATING, STOP HAVING SEX, STOP doing things that take attention and energy away from your poor kids -- please be a decent woman and live out your obligation to love your children, mother them, guide them and be a role model they can be proud of.

Answer 3

I think you know the answer to this question. If you don't have trust you don't have a relationship. Do you really want to torture yourself anymore over this guy who is clearly disrespecting you?

Like the old cliche says, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Don't let this guy push you around. Stand up for yourself and walk away. It will be hard, but it will be worth it. You deserve better.

Answer 4

You need to forget this man. He never has broke off ties with "his female best friend". This man is not able to commit to you probably because he is on hold waiting to see if she wants him back again. Do you always want to be his second choice or standyby?? Break it off...now.. There is someone out there who will put you as number one so why are you settling.

Answer 5

I would say runnn and don't look back. Seriously, he seems to still have strong feelings for this other woman. Why would you want to torture yourself with her in the picture still? I am sure there is someone better out there that will treat you right.

Answer 6

sounds like he's still bonning the other girl- just move on with your life- he's only using you. You love him but the relationship isn't healthy anymore. Just move on with your life- you have problmes of your own- don't let a man like this be another problem

Answer 7

Dump the bum. It is apparent that he wants to get back with that other chick. If he did not want that he would be busting his a@@ to get back with you. So go find someone nice that will respect you and not cheat on you.

Answer 8

Get rid of him.....no use wasting your time, he will not change for you because he really doesn't love you or he wouldn't have been sleeping around with his old girl friend. Don't waste any more time.

Answer 9

hey.. listen .. if he cheated on u and wants to go back to "casual Dating" he doesnt like u anymore and he could b possibly be cheating on u againu should dump his *** and find someone better who will love u

Good Luck

From Kim and Sara

Answer 10

well go on a date and talk about u dont want 2 happen and jus try to trust him this time. but dont move so fast. take is slow