Its sucking my soul...I am married, so is he...We talk everyday, but we practically never see each other...I love him, he loves me, but I know there is no future in this, we are both commited to our spouses for better or worse...I am always so down...before him i was happy...now i am always miserable...Has anybody been thru something similar? What happened?
2006-11-22 08:24:48 · 24 answers · asked by Wicked_One 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like you are seeing the affair from the angle of what you are missing vs what it brings. You've got to look at the bright side, knowing that you have a special friend where you can share your deepest thoughts and desires. There never was any future in it, so nothing has changed, except in your head. If you end it, will you go back to being happy again? I don't think so, because how will you forget what you gave up? So, get your head back in the game and see the affair for what it is vs what it isn't...something that is better than nothing. It is up to you to be happy, so make it happen.
2006-11-22 08:37:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happened??
Neither of you are, nor were committed. You broke any commitment when he touched you. Then on top of all that you let him touch your heart. This is the same heart that vowed to be committed to your husband the day you married him.
So my answer to you is…
Go ago and tell your husband tonight what you have done to him. So he can have his family around for the Holiday season. You know his Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, Aunt and Uncles, instead someone like you. So be really committed one more time and cut the guy a break. Doesn't he deserve better?
Keep this in mind! You could be the wife to the "committed" guy in 10 years. Remember always... What goes around, does come around.
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it is only because it has more sh*t in it!
2006-11-22 16:53:16 · answer #2 · answered by S Groover 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound depressed. Good. You've been cheating, and betraying your husband. Odd that you speak of being committed to your marriage, and also say you love another man, who's also married. I must admit, you've screwed your life up quite effectively. I HOPE the reason you feel miserable is that you feel guilt for behaving terribly. You asked about similar experiences. My ex wife had a long term affair. Her boyfriend got angry when she decided to stop, told me about the affair, and sent me pictures to provide proof. It cost her an 18 year marriage. She lost the respect of our children, and was disowned by her parents. She wasn't even allowed to attend her Mother's funeral. When our son married, she wasn't invited to the wedding, and still can't see her grandchildren. Her Dad still has nothing to do with her. She isn't allowed to even go her her Sister's home. She did get to make a lot of new (bar) friends. My ex had fun playing, but has paid a very high price. She used to try calling a few times a year, but gave up after a few years, when I just kept hanging up on her. She has no family, no parents, and now lives in a crummy cheap apt. Her life gives me pleasure. She will die alone, and live every day until then knowing she did it to herself.
2006-11-22 17:37:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
As you know, it's not about the love or attraction. If you have no intention or possibility of having a relationship together, why are you doing this to yourself. You are only hurting yourself.
If you believe you don't love your husband and are living and lie and don't want to continue like this. Also you are hurting your husband to. He deserves more that a wife who is not in love with him, even if you care for him.
Talk to you lover and if it's possible take a decision for a future together. Is he suffering to? are his feeling as strong as yours?
Just look into your heart, and you will find the answer. You know the answer. Truth will make you free Good luck and i wish you peace.
PS: take sometime for you. Go to a park or nature, and really feel what you heart is telling you. or go to a spa and get a massage. Love yourself.
2006-11-22 16:40:27 · answer #4 · answered by . 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop and smell the roses. You have a loving husband that you say you love. Stop talking to the other guy, stop emailing, stop any contact with him. Throw yourself into your marriage. Do everything you can do for your husband, act like you did when you were dating him and falling in love with him. Write him notes , climg in shower with him. start the flame of love with your husband back up. Do you think that guy that is sucking the life out of you really cares. You drop him he will have someone else to cry on their should in a month. If he cheated on his wife he will cheat on you. Hopefully you will have learned from your mistake. The only thing this other guys is is trash, a liar, a thief and a cheat, you sure are not loosing anything by dumping him.
2006-11-22 16:35:30 · answer #5 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Commited to your spouses, do you even know what that means?
You chose the affair, you deal with the consequences. Hope the pain on your husbands face when he finds out was worth it :-(
2006-11-22 22:35:53 · answer #6 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were both committed to your spouses you would not have let it happen. It happened simply because you choose to let it happen. looks to me like your needs are not being met within your marriages. Its a painful place to be. It will come out in the end. I wish you luck & happiness. You have decisions to make.
2006-11-22 16:34:09 · answer #7 · answered by Marie B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard to find a balance point, but it can be done. Sure, Dear Abby would say break it off right now, concentrate on your husband--but is the affair more nourishing to you or more damaging to you? What do you visualize if you break it off? What do you visualize if you continue the current course?
2006-11-22 16:43:15 · answer #8 · answered by z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were happy and thought you could become happier. It was a gamble and you lost. It now sounds like you need to cut your loses before you lose everything. Life will continue an dyou will be happy again, but try to not be so greedy.
2006-11-22 16:44:07 · answer #9 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my goodness sounds just like my story i was so unhappy when i would come home to my husband like he sucked the life right out of me . i was always miserable too we have a little girl together she is two so it was hard for me to think about a divorce but i left him in august of 2005 it was like a burden had been lifted although it is difficult going through this divorce, i am glad that i made this decision for myself and my daughter
2006-11-22 16:32:25 · answer #10 · answered by brandi w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋