How do I tell my friend that I don't want her to rep me on my home purchase?

Question

She is really sweet and can be really smart. I don't want her to help me because she has not been in the industry long, has made some friendly house suggestions that are NOT what she knows I would want here (like I have a country house in the mountains--I live in the city and want to stay in the city but keep recommending these houses that mimic my country house), I have seen her at an open house and was not what I would want if she did an open house for me, etc. I have alot of respect for her but in the end I think mixing business with friends in many cases does not work. I have tried to approach the subject or rep me in the buy/sell and she comes across like it's a given she will rep me. I don't want to hurt her feelings and my rather direct communication style is evading me with this. Your suggestions would be helpful.

Answer 1

Be honest that you want someone else to represent you b/c you don't want to get business mixed up in your friendship. And you may want to ask her for a referral. Typically, referrals to another realtor can still get her a cut of the commission while doing none of the work (this is solely your discretion, if you feel in any way bad about the money aspect of things...but please do not feel obligated to do this). Seriously, I would want to be told up front about it. I had a friend who was really wishy-washy about it and kept asking me to take her to look at homes, search the MLS for her, etc. But when I talked to her about making an offer on any of these places she started acting weird. For whatever reason, she didn't want me to know her financial situation. (and yes, I was taking her to see what she wanted...I later found out she bought a place in the same complex that we were checking places out at.) As a realtor, I typically hand that over to the loan officer and just find out if the client can 1) qualify for a mortgage and 2) at what price. I don't need to know a dang thing about credit/finance specifics in order to get my job done. In the end, I had to cut off my friendship b/c she was using me and not being honest with me with whatever her hangup was.

Answer 2

I think if she cannot accept that you do not wish to mix business and friendship in this way -- that is, you do not want to risk ruining the friendship due to the business problems -- then I'm at a loss to know what you could say that would not hurt her. Some people simply expect too much. Personally, I think a house purchase is way too important to risk conflicts over a friendship on. It's a lot like not wanting your best friend to do your surgery. It really is not an issue of how good a surgeon he is on anyone else, but how he cannot be objective, which you need.

Ask her to recommend someone who is good in the business, whose judgment she respects, and try very hard to make a go of using that person, which should soften the blow of not using her.

Face it, it is a large commission for her to forgo; you can't blame her for being disappointed. But you don't want to destroy your friendship over her doing a poor job of representing you, or you having needs she cannot adequately address.

Answer 3

Hey Witty....Just tell her...I don't want business dealings to come between our friendship. If something goes amiss or not to my liking - even though it's not your fault, I don't want that to come between our friendship. Of course I will ask for your advice cuz I think you're very smart but I value our friendship too much to risk it.

Yeah, it's tough dealing with friends and biz.

good luck

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Answer 4

Send her a note explaining that you are having someone else represent you. Tell her that if it doesn't work out that you would not feel so bad firing a stranger. Flowers would help.
I don't reopresent friends for that reason. Bad policy.