I've posted before, about my husband and our marriage. How do you know when it's time to walk away? He has a history of wondering, at least emotionally. we have children, and am getting to the point that I need to think about my future without him. When do you know when to throw in the towel?
2006-11-22 07:54:49 · 24 answers · asked by sammy s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's time when you ask yourself if you want to live the rest of your life like that, and the answer is no.
2006-11-22 07:56:43 · answer #1 · answered by Justsyd 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
As a divorce lawyer, I have dealt with a lot of failed marriages in my day. Almost universally, divorce is a horrific experience for both parties. It is worse for the children, who are extremely vulnerable and often become a pawn in the ongoing struggle between the parents. The chiuldren are the biggest losers. I think people don't know how bad divorce is. In the midst of a bad marriage, the grass is always greener on the other side of the street. Mostly it is not. Being divorced is terrible as well. If you're having trouble, get professional help from counsellors first if you are both willing (some people go to church representatives, but I have never found that to be helpful). You loved each other once. Maybe you can still recover that. It all comes down to communication. If you both want to save the marriage, you will. Otherwise, you will be living apart but always in contact with each other over the kids anyway. Both of you and the children will be poorer. It costs more to maintain two households than one. At the end of the day, it is a personal decision. No one can answer that for you (and particularly not people on line!)
2006-11-22 08:12:07 · answer #2 · answered by river_rattler 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
For the simple reason that you are asking this question means you are already to walk away, but here's a few questions for you.
1. Is the love you had for him completely gone?
2. Have the 2 of you ever talked about each others feelings?
3. Do you think any type of therapy would work or do you feel like you don't want to bother with it cause you may not even care anymore?
4. Are you staying just because of the children?
Try writing down a list of pros & cons about staying or leaving & see which list is longer. Just a suggestion because really in your heart you are the only one that can answer this question. Good luck.
2006-11-22 08:11:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I went and looked at your other questions that you put on here. If the Second Life is what I think you are talking about....you have a problem. If he gave a flying flip about you in the first place, he would NOT go there. That is a form of cheating and I don't care who says that it is not. You can talk to anybody that is 100% faith full with their partner/mate and they will tell you they would never do that. They have more respect for them than to do that.
As far as how do you know when it is time to throw in the towel....well that is really up to the person that is in that relationship. I can tell you when I decided to throw the towel in. I tried the whole 5 years that we were together to make things work for us to no avail. A relationship IS a 2 way street, both have to want it to work or it just won't happen, but anyway, I tried to make mine work the whole 5 years. He would be all good to me and then he would mess up. We would argue and this and that. He would say I'm sorry and be all good again. Then it would happen again. I treated that man so good. He even told me that he had never had anyone in his life treat him as good as I did and was all sorry and everything. But I told him that if I treated him so good...why did he end up treating me like crap. He couldn't answer the question. So I finialy had enough and moved out one day while he ways out on yet another adventures that last a week. So that gave me a week to move out. Don't think that I didn't cry the whole time I was moving cause I did. It hurt like heck moving out and leaving him as I loved him so much even after he treated me like crap. I was just hoping that he would change. Some do and some don't. But to me, with me moving out....this is his wake up call. If he don't get it in gear here really soon, he looses. The old saying you snooze you loose. I will be gone for good.
Believe me, IF I had been the cheating type, I would have cheated on him so many times because he was never there for me. But I didn't, I remained faithfull the whole time we were together. He was the one that was always cheating on me. So yes after I got my belly full of his crap.....I threw the towel in walked away.
If you ever need a friend to talk to, you can always email as I have ears and a shoulder. Good luck with what ever you decide on doing. I'm not sorry that I left mine and yes I still have feelings for him.
2006-11-22 08:34:59 · answer #4 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have already made the decision to throw in the towel, maybe all you need right now is a little push and some one to tell you that everything will work out for the best in the end.
Remember you need to think about you and your children. They are the most important things. You all deserve to be happy.
Good Luck
2006-11-22 08:24:54 · answer #5 · answered by Princess 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well this is always a tough situation. i believe that when you are really not enjoying the person's company anymore you should probably sit down with the person and talk it through. if that does not help either see a marriage counselor or keep talking about the issues you are having. try and compromise. but if nothing at all works then i would consider walking away, but let that be a LAST resort. you never know if you are going to regret it int he future. hope this helps! good luck with everything.
2006-11-22 07:59:47 · answer #6 · answered by soccerqueen155 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to listen to Dr. Laura. She's over the edge most of the time, but I do like her opinion on divorce. She says there are only three valid reasons to divorce...the 3 A's...abuse, adultery, addiction. I haven't read your other questions, but unless he is doing one of the above, you need to work on the marriage for the children. They deserve a warm, loving, supportive home where they are the #1 concern. We must sacrifice, if necessary, for the sake of our children.
2006-11-22 08:01:26 · answer #7 · answered by butrcupps 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you cant picture growing old with him , I left my marriage after 38 years, my kids were grown ups though.You know the answer to this question yourself,when the time is right you will know excactly what to do. Good Luck.
2006-11-22 08:15:07 · answer #8 · answered by Marie B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Either you love him for better and for worse
Or not
Talk to him and find out what the deal is and be honest,
Cheating you'd better find out what thats about.
just cyber sex, nothing to end a marriage over, but reall live friendships , go to counselling and try
if that doesn't work then move ahead.
2006-11-22 08:10:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you finally realize that when he is emotionally unavailable is just simply UNAVAILABLE.
He's lost interest .... cut your losses now. Give yourself a chance to have a happy life. Try to remain friends for the children.
2006-11-22 07:59:45 · answer #10 · answered by girlielikesfun 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a personal decision. It would depend on the length of the marriage, the effort made to save it, can you support yourself? Lots of questions to consider before taking that huge of a step!
2006-11-22 07:56:57 · answer #11 · answered by sweetkisz 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋