Happily married man always cheating?

Question

okay so i know this guy who has always cheated on his wife physically and emotionally. They are young but have been together for a long time. Even after they got married he kept cheating. He says he loves his wife a lot. He also says he now feels guilty. Why would he keep cheating even if its only emotional?

Answer 1

He's not happily married if he keeps cheating. Sounds like he has some emotional problems within himself and needs to see a therepist.

Answer 2

Nope. I'm an infidelity couples counselor. People who cheat are lacking something. People assume that it's always something they are lacking in their relationships (intimacy, excitement, etc.), but it can also be something they are lacking within themselves (lacking self esteem, feeling depressed, etc.). Most of the time, it's a combination of both. But, the fact is, an unhappy marriage does not cause a man to cheat. He has a choice. He can choose to work on the relationship, choose to end the relationship, but instead he takes the easy way out and he decides to cheat. That can be blamed on no one but himself. In reality, the fact is, most of the time the person doesn't simply cheat due to relationship issues, but deeper personal issues that they are dealing with as well. If it were simply a matter of relationship issues, they'd work on or leave the relationship, rather than cheating. Additionally a happily married man can cheat on his wife as well. They can have a great relationship, he can be 100% happy with her, for all intense purposes, but if that man is lacking something within himself, it can lead him to cheat. If he has poor self esteem, that can easily lead him to cheat. A woman gives him attention, he gets a high off the ego boost it gives him, he craves more of that attention, until soon he's sucked into a full blown affair, using this woman to boost his self esteem, even though he's got a loving wife at home. I see it happen all the time. It's hard because people like to think that if they keep their spouse happy, that there won't be any possibility of cheating. That just isn't the case, and it can make people feel powerless to realize it, which is why they say "if you love someone enough you won't cheat." You can have the best of relationships, but if your spouse is having psychological issues, they can often end up in an affair. But, remember, the majority of the time it's combination of personal and relational issues that lead to infidelity. I hope that answers your question.

Answer 3

He probably craves excitement - perhaps more so than an average person. Some people go on african safaris or climb mountains to get this rush of excitement, and others find thrills in conquering the opposite sex. The thrill-seeking behaviour is not neccessarily a reflection of the feelings a person has for his significant other; just as he may love his wife and still go climb Mount Everest, he will go out and engage in flings - all the while sincerely maintaining that he loves her.

She had to have known what she was getting into when she stayed with this guy and married him. If she can't accept this part of his personality - she needs to look for someone who is more closely matched to her idea of a good mate. She's wasting her time - it sounds like he had given her plenty of evidence that he will not be changing anytime soon. It was rather foolish to expect that a marriage certificate would change anything between them.

Answer 4

Rather than thinking about blame or causes, i think this needs a differnet approach. But having said that, you can advise him if you like but the decisions and choices are his. What ever you do don't talk to his wife about it. That ishis responsiblility.

The thing here is that humans (both men and women) are not monogamous by nature. It is social conditioning that makes them monogamous. Most people respond to this social conditioning, some just don't have it in them. I don't know anything about him but it appears that he falls into the non-monogamous by nature category and very little if any thhing is going to change things in that arena.

Cheating on the other hand is not the sexual act. The "cheat" is the lies and deception. And yes he can love his wife with all his heart and still have emotional and sexual connections, even love without diminishing what love he feels for his wife. Humans are capable of loving fully more than one person at a time. but he is ruining his relationship with his wife with the lies and his marriage will come to an end, sooner or later because of the lies. and since he has been decieiving his wife so far, there might not be any way to save the marriage. But he should try.

What should he be doing about it... well if he is non-monogamous, which I suspect he is, then he has to own up to it. He needs talk to his wife honestly and openly aboutthe fact that he is non-monogamous and let her make her own choices.

With honesty and a candid discussion with his wife the two of them can get past this, even if he continues to see other women. And with that honesty his marriage, if it survies, will be stronger than ever.

If you say that this is his history, he is not likely going to change, so no one should expect him to. But he needs to realize that his wife is now open to see other men too... and what would he think of that (even if it doesn't happen). both of them need to talk this out.

And then both of them need to make the choices that will affect the rest of their married lives.

I speak with some experience here.... the difference is that it is my wife instead of her husband. but we survived by spending a lot of time talking about it and now our marriage is better and storinger and more loving than it ever was. and yes, my wife knows that I could, but haven't, find someone else to love at any time. Neither of us fear that at all. Also the openness of our feelings now creates a situation where jealousy is never a a serious problem either. Jealousy dies in an open and trusting environment. And we are solid. Google the word "polyamory" to give him some resources.

Even if it is emotional only all this has to get out in the open between them.

Answer 5

If he is honest with his wife. He doesn't have to tell her every detail but he should communicate the gist of what is happening and what he is feeling too. NOT EASY !!!!! But if he does, he has NOTHING to feel guilty about. Whether he is sharing fluids with somebody or not.

He feels guilty because he was NOT honest about it I think.

Emotional cheating is ok these days, fantasy life really. No pregnancies, no diseases. He needs something his wife doesn't have for him I guess. Fictional romance can be fun. Even when or especially when two people are writing it.

Answer 6

You seem to have a great interest in this married guy--are you sure you're not being played? Guys are often insecure and need reassurance from strangers--more than they need approval of their spouse. Loyalty is obviously not one of his qualities. I don't know why you are so curious about someone else's spouse...but I hope you'll make the right choice if he's trying to pursue you. Don't let a jerk like this put you in an embarrassing 'third party' position--and don't make the mistake that he will show more loyalty to you than his wife. Chances are he's just trying to prove to his wife that he's desired by other women.

Answer 7

He wants to feel important, he wants women fighting over him. He wants his wife and then if she ever gets tired of the crap he has some one else to fall back on. He is a little boy trying to be a man and he is a liar , a cheat and a thief so that tells me he is not much of a man. Both the women should dump him

Answer 8

Because is a LIAR and can not control himself. This is a sickness and he needs help.

This is not HAPPILI MARRIED. This is a cheater and abuser.

Did someone already told to hir wife? His wife is in danger, because he can have a desease, and his wife can have it also.

Someone have to let his wife know

HE LOVE HIS WIFE AS A PAIN IN A TOOTH

Answer 9

Some men grow up with the values of a dog...they do not associate sex with love. They do claim to love the woman they marry, but don't see any wrong in messing around......But most of them fall apart if the wife wakes up and walks out,,,,they cry the blues...and who can feel sorry for them

Answer 10

My bf cheated on me with a married woman. He said he loves both of us, can't live without either one of us. That woman left her family, husband and five kids.
At work I have more married men ask me out than sigle men.
I want to know the answer too.