Should I feel upset that my husband gets his hair cut by his X wife?

Question

Im not a jealous person by nature, so when Im taken by the green eyed moster...its really ugly. I think what Im feeling is jealousy or SOMETHING... Im VERY upset that he is letting her cut his hair tho. We bought a hair cut kit for at home so I could cut his hair (did this 2 years ago) and I've cut it every time since then. Well, he wants to get his hair cut before thanksgiving and I wont be home. I could do it tomorrow NIGHT, but not till then. But when his X started cosmetology school 5 months ago, I told him then that it would bother me if she cut his hair, so If I ever couldnt cut his hair, to go somewhere else (NOT HER). So then... he schedules an apt to go there AT HER SALON...and get his hair cut. AND THEN proceeds to tell his X that I dont want her cutting his hair! THAT JUST MAKES ME SO MUCH MORE MAD! Im so MAD I COULD SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am I wrong..???

Answer 1

No, you're not wrong. Unless hers is THE ONLY salon in the radius of 100 miles, he should respect your wishes, and go elsewhere. There's no hard feelings between myself and my ex, but I would never ask him to do a house remodel for my husband and I (he works in construction). This would be in bad taste; there are plenty of other contractors out there.

Answer 2

LMAO

I could have been your hubby.
If he is the same kind of guy like I am:
- he didn't want to upset You
- It was wrong of him doing that, but he sees it in a different way
- You are right to be upset
- You will laugh about that in a couple of month, because the reason why he did it is the exactly the same reason why you love him (and if you wouldn't love him you wouldn't get that mad)

Here is the reason WHY I could have done the same thing: For me my wife is the one and only, I would never start something with my Ex (hey she is an Ex, so there is a reason why it didn't work out).
Assuming that I know there is no danger, I would believe that my wife does not see any danger too.
The Ex has one the one side the ability to cut hairs and on the other side knows how I want my hair to be cut.
And how did you tell him NOT to go there, was it a clear NO or was it the kind of no that men just don't understand sometimes?

Now why should you love someone like that? Because he sees the good side of people, he sees the beauty of the world, he is caring and will help without asking what he gets in return, he is great with kids and he will listen to you (although he sometimes understands the words different to your meaning).

How right am I?

Answer 3

Dear Angel,

You are a little bit wrong to be angry about your husband going to his ex-wife for a hair cut, but you are a little bit right, too. Keep in mind that it is a hair cut....not a massage. You made a reasonable request and he not only went around what you asked, he told her about what you asked. That, to me, was extremely disloyal and that's where he went over the line. He should not talk about you with his ex, nor should he discuss his ex with you. It can only lead to trouble.

You did specify that he went to her salon to get his hair cut. Did she actually cut his hair? If someone else did, you need to back it down a few levels. Time is cramped here and the hair needed cutting.

If that is your pic next to your question, I wouldn't worry too much about the ex. You look like you are about as cute as they come. I would make it clear that in the future, he needs to let you cut it or go to someone else...not his ex. Also, any further discussions concerning you with his ex need to be stopped immediately...never to happen again. End of topic. Don't ruin your Thanksgiving over this... it's a small thing in the scope of living. Good luck, Sweetie.

Answer 4

I understand what you are saying. You have all the right to feel angry toward your husband. You have all the right to be jealous- He is your husband. He is not right in going on ahead and having a haircut from his exwife and even beyond that, telling her that you would be upset if she cuts his hair. That is not a nice way to treat someone. He was wrong in doing that and hopefully he will apologise and change his ways.

Well, that said, alot of times we cannot control what people do. People do whatever they want and don't care much about what we want. The thing is to figure out how far you can go with this issue of haircut and how much you can take and what portion you can be able to control. You alone can control how you respond to this situation and many other situations that arise even after this- One thing to remember always when dealing with such stuff that we would prefer not to deal with is to let him decide what he wants to do. He could have felt like you were controlling him by telling him where to go and where not to go have his haircut- He probably wants to see how you will react and probably wanted to make it firm that he can make his own decisions too and doesn't mean that he cheats on his hubby.

So, I would say you assess the situation carefully before doing anything drastic. Be nice to him. Tell him you respect his wishes to have his hair cut by this gal. Tell him it really does bother you ALOT and you feel jealous, bitter and angry- but you know that you trust him to do the right thing for you two. After that don't mention it again. If the haircut is nice- complement him. Believe you me he will come round.

Also, check in your marriage to see whether this is stemming from something way deeper than just a haircut- stuff like- does he get to do stuff that he wants or someone is always telling him what to do. I think he did not mean to hurt you this way I think he was trying to make a point- find out from him what it is. Remember- approach ALL this in a LOVING and kind way- no blaming or name calling- humble yourself and you will be amazed at how much a man can come round.

I hope it all goes well for you. Try to calm down first- I know its crazy but do try it- you want to act very maturely- and this takes work.

Tell us how it goes!

Answer 5

I really hate to answer a question with a question but i feel i must. Does he normally talk to her or see her on occasion? i mean if he doesn't talk to her for months and then goes and gets his hair cut by her after two years of you doing it .... weird.

But you did say that you have a stepchild in your profile, so i am guessing that he does have other contact with her on a regular basis ... probably not physical contact though. Excuse me did i say physical contact, how much contact to you really get from a haircut?!? so IF he does see or talk to her on a regular basis then what is the big deal about the cut?

However, i would be pissed if my girlfriend blurted something like "i hate your mother" to her mother! So that aspect of being either dumb or honest (you know boyfriend girlfriend tell each other everything honest) with his X is worth an argument in my opinion.

Answer 6

Hell yes you should be upset! You are feeling jealousy, but he has stepped WAY over the line here. You made it clear up-front that you didn't want him going to her to get his hair cut. It's one thing if he doesn't really like the way you cut his hair, but there must be at least a dozen other stylists he could see other than her. First, you need to seriously lay into his @$$ for not listening to you when you said you didn't want him going to her. Next, lay into his @$$ for telling her what you said -- he has no business repeating your private conversations to anyone. Finally, tell him straight-up that it's her or you. Do not for one second let him do you like this. If you don't stand up for yourself now he'll just keep walking all over you for the rest of your married life. Be strong. You can do it. Remember, your self-respect is at stake.

Answer 7

Eek. This is a tough one. First, I'll be honest about how I'd feel - I'd be effing jealous and I'd probably want to slap the *****. However, she's his EX for a reason. She's not going to work her way back into his heart by cutting his hair. He had no right telling her that you don't want his hair cut by her - that was kind of rude. I think you should ask him how he'd feel if say... your ex (bf, husband whatever) went to cosmetology school and did your nails?

Answer 8

Well, I guess what is really bad about all of it is that it comes from a place of insecurity within you; and, in addition, does not reflect very well on the trust and communication and respect between you and your hubby. Think of it this way as well: If this gal were in your opinion drop-dead gorgeous, that would be gnawing at you for years and years; and anytime you were "with" your hubby, you would wonder if he is thinking of his ex during sex. It was a move with high risk that you did, not knowing at all exactly the outcome. My advice to you is to learn the art of leaving well enough alone; and focus primarily on the health and happiness of you and your hubby and your life together. By the way, if all of this was in part about a suspicion that your hubby may be cheating, next time, if there is one, hire CHEATERS licensed private detective agency, Joey Grecco will handle all just right.

Answer 9

You are not wrong, but your anger and jealousy may hurt you more than either of them.

I would be unhappy about this, but overreacting could drive him even more to her.

There are men--I have been married to one of them for more than 20 years-- who enjoy having the attention of two women, especially if one of them is jealous. Maybe his ego just needs a jumpstart.... And you would be smart to find another way to make this happen without his ex being involved.

He is married to *you.* Your jealousy will bring out unattractive traits that will not help your marriage... or your emotional health.

And take heart... at least this was in her salon, not her bedroom.

Answer 10

OH MAN!!! You are tolerating this way too well. This situation is something I too would be bothered by. It's ridiculous, actually. But....let him go to HER. And here's what you do....Though you may be lying and if you already don't do this, set up a bikini waxing app. in front of your better half. Could be fake, doesn't matter. Then say a mans name outload, like you're soooo happy to hear that name. Then when you get off the phone your boyfriend SHOULD be concerned that you said "Jonathan Howard's" name sooo....loud and excitedly. Just act nonchalant about it and say, "Oh him, that's my ex-boyfriend. He's just gonna be the one to perform my bikini waxing next week..."