My sister got married one year back. Before marraige her husband didn't tell us lots of thigs regarding his job. he left his job after marriage. he showed interest in study. so my family thought to help him in his education so that he could get good job. we put all our efforts. Now he is studing. but he keeps abusing my sister on phone. He comes at my home and stayes there for 10-15 days. He satyes in his school only for 5-6 days and keeps going home to his mother. My sister is doing job too. she is very much disturbed. My father has aksed him not to come at home and concentrate on his study. Now his mother is calling my sister and abusing her. Very frequently he keeps saying bad words to my sis but when she stopes taking to him he starts sending emails, SMS and promises not to repeat that but it again happenes after 10-15 days. Now we all very much tensed. My parents live with my sis. He has hurt my sis once when she went at his home. What way should my family go?
2006-11-22 07:04:59 · 14 answers · asked by Mike 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First things first. Go to the nearest police station and lodge a complaint that he and his mother are constantly abusing your sister verbally as well physically (I assume that by "hurt" in your question you mean physical violence). Ask your police station to contact the police station in his area, to summon him and warn him.
There are two advantages to this. First, he will sober up, because he knows that a second complaint can get him into real trouble. Secondly, a police record can always be a document which can be produced in court even later should the matter go to law. Yes, the backlash may be serious. His relatives may try to bring her good name down in public, but to people who know the real situation, e.g. your relatives and friends, this won't matter. She will not be degraded in their eyes.
Your sister is a human being, and has a right to her dignity. She cannot be allowed to suffer for the rest of her life at the hands of a callous, cruel husband. She will become emotionally depressed, and that, if severe, will be very difficult to handle both by her as well as her relatives like yourself.
Divorce is not so much a taboo as it once was. Many women, when they realise they are victimised, now prefer to sever the relation and start afresh. Yes, the older relatives will be set against such actions. Because they would be more concerned about appearances than your sister's happiness. But even among the older generation, attitudes are changing. They too are becoming more pragmatic and tolerant in these matters, and are more ready to view the situation from a different perspective, viz. your sister's.
You may want to persuade your sister to terminate the relationship. Tell her you all love her, and always will. Convince her that the marriage was a mistake (especially if it was arranged, as it appears), and that she can continue to stay with you for as long as she wants until she finds the courage to marry again. Convince her that a divorced woman no longer carries the stigma which she once did. Divorce does not make her "untouchable". It's just that she made a mistake, paid the price, and wants to learn from it.
Give her all the support she needs, which I'm sure you already are. And, just to get the situation right, take a lawyer's advice. He need not be a divorce lawyer. A family friend in that profession is good enough.
One point more. Whatever action you take, do it before a baby comes along. Because then matters can become complicated. That is important for all of you to remember.
2006-11-22 11:19:37 · answer #1 · answered by wisdom tooth 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get her out of this relationship and free your whole family from him. Your sister deserves so much better and obviously you are a very strong knit family supporting each other. So, she will not be alone and eventually find someone better to spend her precious life with.
I truly hope that a divorce will be acceptable for your family (as I don't know anything about your religous background). Good luck and don't wait any longer!
2006-11-22 16:29:28 · answer #2 · answered by Caro 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell ur sis, that she asks her husband that she will not talk to him till he gets his school clear, and if he or his mother try to do anything wrong or abuse ur sis. Go for some hunam rights people who can help U.
In any situation ur sis life is effected. Than Y to listen to someone, who does not bother for U and his future
2006-11-22 15:14:42 · answer #3 · answered by MATRIX 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is more than one kind of abuse. You're sister is being emotionally abused by this man. You can inform your sister that she is being abused. Unfortunately you can do nothing for her unless she wants the help. Try distancing yourselves from him. Let your sister know that you love her and will be there for her when she is ready to get out of the abuse. There are shelters for abused women. They will put her where he can't find her. She can tell you where she's at so you don't worry about her. Don't let this man into your home. It only encourages him. He knows that you will cave into him and his abuse.
2006-11-22 15:12:36 · answer #4 · answered by truckermama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your sister is in a miserable relationship with a real loser. She should find a way out. Although, there is nothing you or your family can do about it. It is her life and her decision. You can support her, but if you keep telling her to get away from him and she doesn't see it the way you do, you may cause her to resent you and your family and push her away. Good luck
2006-11-22 15:09:49 · answer #5 · answered by heidifreckles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh such a pain in the ***.. take my advice go ahead pay some 1k or 2k to some rowdy and belt that looser properly and tel him to live like a man not like a physcopath!!
if this is not done then u ur sister and ur family should become a lot stronger!! u should realise that he is just a cheap bastard and he has no control on u guys/!! so jus ignore him and tell ur sister to go and talk to him and not like softly, tell her to be very agressive and when ever she deals with him tell her to be harsh, !! worst case go to police!!
2006-11-22 15:12:16 · answer #6 · answered by rocky b 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Convince ur sister she is better off without that loser and have her divorce him, no woman should put up with any form of abuse WHATSOEVER, and if ur family is helping pay for his education, STOP! he doesn't deserve it, my best wishes to you and your family during your hard times, good luck
2006-11-22 15:07:26 · answer #7 · answered by Kollege Gurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Convince your sister to divorce that stupid moron. Even if he is on school and stressed(which is probably the excuse he will make) that still gives him no right to abuse your sister. He obviously cares more about himself that his wife.
2006-11-22 15:10:26 · answer #8 · answered by Kayla [(Adam)] 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for better or worse
the wife could try to understand his motive. and help him reach his goal.
however it is his job to provide for his family he can go to school after work
2006-11-22 15:32:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really hope you aren't paying for his tution.
Stop this asap if you are.
And get rid of the Bum.
The best way to do that is to find her a new guy.
Get rid of Him.
And his momma.
2006-11-22 15:11:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋