my relationship was almost destroyed when i found out my husband was staying up late at night to watch internet porn...i found out he'd been doing it for a couple months, and when i confronted him, he denied it. eventually he had to admit it though because there was no getting around it. he says he doesn't know why he did it, but he will NEVER do it again and he doesn't even want to do it again. my question is, is possible for him to not look at porn anymore, or will it eat at him until he does something worse? i really need some opinions please. i'm afraid if he can't stop our relationship will be over.
oh yes, and i've asked him if it's our sex life that caused it, and he says it's not. if anything i should be the one turning to porn because he is very "quick," but i've NEVER made him feel ashamed or even brought it up, so i'm just not sure what to do!
2006-11-22 07:02:56 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
tell him that it hurts you because its like he has to look at other women to please him, like hes looking for more. tell him that if hes that into sex than maybe yous can spice things up more, do different things when he has these urges to look at pron. Buy some sexy things to wear and suprise him, do things that normally you wouldnt do. If it means you gotta have a bit more sex time to time than i think its worth it. I am sure he will get past it, if you help him get through it, to some its like smoking, it has that addiction to them and its hard to let go. But there are survivors and people can get through times like this. Just ask him what you can do to help, and find ways to help. Also before you would go to bed, unplug the interent do something so he cant get on it if he wakes up. This way he wont be tempted to try it. But dont tell him that you did, it would only want him to do it more, but this way if he does break it wont work anyways. You need to be strong and help him, he knows its hurting you and that it will cost him you if he doesnt stop. Go to consouling if things dont work out, therapists always know what is best to say, and help out a lot.
2006-11-22 07:10:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's possible that he could stop altogether. I don't know him but I would say chances are more likely that he will stop for awhile and then go back to it. Why would you divorce him over that though? Unless it is illegal material it's harmless. I understand you feel like he's cheating - I get that and I can see how it could bother you. I guess one can get a divorce for any reason these days although I think there is a simpler solution - throw out the damn computer and declare martial law! I'm not joking either - just throw it out. There is life without the internet - and it's usually a better, more fulfilling one. Good luck.
2006-11-22 07:24:16 · answer #2 · answered by Bert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your man is "quick" then maybe porn lets him sustain his arousal for longer periods of time due to the lack of contact.
I'd say leave the issue alone for now, except for when you two are getting intimate. Try pleasuring him until he just can't stand it....then back off....have him pleasure you or watch you pleasure yourself a bit, then pleasure him again, don't let him finish, though. Do this for as long as he can stand it. Maybe play some music videos or read Kama Sutra or Tantric Sex together while you're not pleasuring him....help him teach his body to become aroused without completing the act. Sustain that as long as possible. Sex doesn't have to be one swift motion. It can have pauses. Very intimate pauses.
But I'd definitely let the porn subject drop for now. Later maybe it can be something you share in the in between......
2006-11-22 09:32:45 · answer #3 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every person is not the same. I enjoy watching porn and I am 58 years old. There are also different reasons why people watch it.
We sleep in separate rooms, so what else is there to do, unless I have a date on the outside of the house.
2006-11-22 12:21:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be possible for him to stop, now that you've shown that it really bothers you. I would give it some time, and if he does anything else behind your back, he may just be addicted to it and maybe counseling would help.
Don't settle for a life with someone who is doing this behind your back, and don't listen to the people who say "all men look at porn." My husband doesn't at all, never has, and he's got a VERY high sex drive and he's very affectionate with me. So don't feel like you have to settle for this guy's behavior.
2006-11-22 07:11:44 · answer #5 · answered by K H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is struggling with the fact he is quick it is a male ego thing and he is shy to discuss it as he feels a failure porn in small doses can be good in a marriage if he is viewing daily then try a sex therapist it doesnt mean he is a deviant he is just struggling with his quickness and he may feel useless and totally low talk about it with him it isnt as bad as it seems and porn can be healthy
2006-11-22 07:08:31 · answer #6 · answered by sammie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really wish you could see it differently. For the sake of your own personal mental health. Life is so wonderful and bodies are so beautiful.
He has taken an oath to you, he loves you, but should that mean YOU are the only naked body he should look at?
Be VERY HAPPY that he is looking at them on the screen and not live and yes...that is a possibility if you restrict him.
This is very normal and has NOTHING to do with you. The only thing that should affect you is if he is on there every night for more than 2 hours and if it is taking away from a big chunk of your time together.
If you see him on there, take your clothes off, walk over to him, kiss him and he doesn't turn it off to be with you, there is a problem.
But really, you torment yourself needlessly and hurt him by putting limitations. He is a red blooded male, a human with desires. Let him express that in the privacy of his own home.
Keep an open mind...maybe you would like to watch. It is a REAL turn on. And no he can't stop now.
2006-11-22 07:11:03 · answer #7 · answered by Shebaby 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Hey there is nothing wrong with looking at porn he is home with you and not out go with the flow start looking at naked guys or girls if you are curios no harm in looking my wife buys me porn all the time it is natural to check out other people. Watch you could learn something to spice things up
2006-11-22 10:34:35 · answer #8 · answered by Fergie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Watch porn with him. Seriously, guys just like watching porn. It's nothing against you, it's just what guys do. I am engaged to a beautiful woman who is sexy as hell and our sex life is great. We watch porn together, it just adds a little spice.
2006-11-22 07:07:13 · answer #9 · answered by irish1269 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does it bother you this much that he is looking at porn? That is the underlying issue here. If it is not interfering in his work or day to day responsibilities and its not illegal porn (such as child pornography) why is this even an issue at all? Especially one big enough to say your marriage will be over due to it. Is porn really worth getting divorced over if it is not interfering with daily responsibilities?
Suggestion, go rent an xxx video and watch it WITH your husband!!
2006-11-22 07:09:43 · answer #10 · answered by sweetkisz 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋