how can i deal with husbands controlling ex wife when husband refuses to get involved?

Question

my husbands ex uses their son "tim" like bait to get what she wants and her jealousy over me is making it very hard for me to develop a relationship with tim.i am not allowed to watch tim if my husband can't his ex is to be called to get him.i am not allowed to have any contact with his school or freinds and the list goes on.tim loves spending time with me and i have never talked bad about his mom infront of him or tryed to be his mom.she is just pissed that we do things as a family and that i'm in what she feels is "her"place.my husband will not say anything to her as he says it will not do any good i can't control what she does.i think hes just afraid to confront her as he allways accomudates her and never questions anything she does.i understand my husband wants to stay on good turms with his ex for his sons sake but should she be allowed to treat me this way for no good reason and my husband just turns a blind eye to it?should i just let it go?we fight over this all the time

Answer 1

Hi been there and it is horrid dont argue with your hubby about her as she obviously wants to destroy the marriage and using a child is low Play her at her own game and stop trying to be super woman her hubby doesnt want to lose his son and she knows it why not go and have some you time when he sees his son for an hour she will panic my hubbys ex made my life hell for years but she didnt win and you are a winner as you have him and she dont smile sweetly with perfect makeup and be civilised it works

Answer 2

No, she should not be allowed to control your household and you have to make that clear to your husband first and foremost. And if your husband will not "get involved" you should go to her and confront her with what your feel are your issues about what she does. Ask her to justify why she feels she can call the shots in YOUR home.

Maybe it is best that you deal with her straight on. She'll get the message that at least YOU are not intimidated by her. She may think she has one up on her ex-husband. Once she knows you won't tolerate it she may back off.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Well, since they seem to have their conflict going, I'd stay out of it.

Have hubby give her a call if he wants, when the child will be left alone with you. You should have no contact with her. If he wants to call, drop him off and then go pick him up again, fine. Him, not you. If she truly expects You to make the trip let her come get him. Don't you drop him off to her or pick him up again. That's her deal. Sooner or later the kid is going to get sick of being carted back and forth when he's on his Father's time.

Basically, unless the courts state he cannot leave the child with you, all you are doing is honoring her request.

My stepson's dad maintains contact with the school, not me. I do cart the kids around, pick him up or drop him off at his activities....when we have him, if his dad can't. I don't contact parents of his friends unless transportation is being arranged and then he makes the call, asks for a parent, and puts me on the phone.

I do not call his ex and for the most part she does not call me. Once we had a conversation because she was able to pick him up and I didn't have to. That's all.

Answer 4

No you shouldn't let it go. I have the same issue, almost. My husbands son's mother tried to pull the same thing but my husband firmly lets her know she has no say so in our house. What she does in hers is her business. She uses his son against him usually to get money. And he is pretty accomodating because of his son but he does what is right for me also when it comes to her trying to say what can and can not go on with him when he is with us. That just doesn't happen and he never will let it. Your husband needs to firmly let her know that when HE has HIS son she no longer has anything to say. He is his father and has the right to make the call as to if you can watch him or not. Your not wrong at all and until your husband stands up for you and his household she will continue to do what she does. Trust me, when my husband finally let his son's mother know all the late night phone calls and complaining that she did soon stopped. Now she only calls if his son needs something or wants to talk to him. My husband had to go so far as to change all our phone numbers and block them when he called to talk to his son. He had to cut her off completly for about a month or two before she got the message that she wasn't running things. Good luck!

Answer 5

It isn't your place. Worry about yourself and concentrate on improving your grammar.