Why is it most people find it so difficult to understand others?

Question

I'm not a psych major, nor a genius, but I pay attention to how others react. Whether or not people realise it, there are patterns of behavior. To me, it seems simple to identify what the possibilities are, and by understanding the possibilities, people can be categorized. Obviously, no two people are alike due to the vast possibilities of different combinations of choices, but as with anything, categories are fitting within certain limits. If you base your ideology on the fact that most people live by morals, only occasionally breaking them, you can understand why people do what they do. Although it's true that you can't identify all people this way, it applies at least 95% of the time. Would anyone else agree to this or am I a moron for thinking I understand the impossible?

Southwind, I do apologize if the idea of categorization offends you in any way. It is not so much a means to identify people as different as to identify their similarities. I probably should have said "categorize their actions or approaches to situations." I apologize for my inaccuracy. I assure you, I do not allow prejudice into my mind.

Answer 1

This is a good question! I think that some people aren't driven to understand other people. They either don't care, don't know to care, or are otherwise lost in themselves somehow.

It is possible to figure out how people will behave most of the time. In fact, a lot of psychological research shows that your friends and other outside observers are better at predicting your behavior than you are! I'd read Tim Wilson's "Strangers to Ourselves" if you're interested in this phenomenon.

Answer 2

You are not a moron, but I despise the concept of categorizing people. Once that happens, then stereotypes, prejudices, and discrimination are not far behind.

Your question is why people find it so difficult to understand others...it has an answer, more than one actually. Some people never develop insight into themselves or others, I do not know why; people do not want to take the time to understand others; people lack the ability to communicate effectively...I could list several more.

Answer 3

The reason people find it so difficult is that many can't see things from a perspective other than their own. Or they are so self-centered that they do not listen when people talk because they are thinking about themselves and what they want to say next.

You are right about many of the things you have said about basic personality types. There are ways to catagorize individuals if you take the time to observe and listen to them.

I think though on the moralistic level you lost me a little. Not sure what that has to do with basic personality types.

Answer 4

Well, I sort of agree. Many things are obvious about people, but one cannot jump to certain conclusions. Others will fail to observe the obvious just simply beacuse of the fact that they're lazy or don't want to. Denial plays a part also. I think your statement of 95% is pretty accurate so I'm going to have to agree with you.

Answer 5

I had started on this subject with someone at work. We eventually came to a conclusion that I think might answer your question about as satisfactorily as you can get.

I agree with you that all people work within the boundaries of a moral system that I characterize as being similar to a three-way balance. Those three ways being faith (what you believe), logic (what you decide is the proper course of action based on what you believe), and action (what you actually do). In any decision you make, to avoid feeling guilty (the imbalance that you feel when any one of the three standards named above weren't satisfied) you must deal with all three properly.

We went with gay marriage and used the Bible as our guide for morals. He was against gay marriage, I am for it. He argued that he believed God was against gay marriage as the Bible lists it among other things that are evil (faith), therefore Anthony (I don't have his permission so I will use an alternate name) is also against gay marriage (God has the right to decide what is wrong and right and we must follow it, which speaks to his logic as to why he chose that route), so he voted against gay marriage. All three were dealt with and balanced out, so he did not feel guilty.

I chose to go with the part of the Bible that says not to force one's own belief on someone else. I believe everything in the Bible came from God and is there for a reason (faith), I also concluded God is the only one with the right to decide what is right and wrong and I must follow his code as closely as possible (logic), and so I concluded it would be wrong for me to try to force them into being straight, so I supported allowing gay marriage. All three were dealt with and I don't feel guilty either because I balanced all three.

Now in essence we both started with the same moral code and the same problem, but came up with two opposite conclusions. It is because we have different balances (I attributed more weight to the not forcing beliefs on others while he attributed more weight to don't call clean what God has called unclean part) that we did come up with two different conclusions. In essence, you can do what you consider morally correct and I can do what I consider morally correct, and they won't coincide because morals are subjective (because there are simply too many variables in what is right and wrong).

We live in a gray world, not black and white. Because of this, I agree it is impossible to categorize people into anything but the most broad of categories and/or generalizations, and even then you can oftentimes be wrong, because there are too many variables to go on in people's minds.

Answer 6

I think the main reason that people cant understand others, or have difficulty understanding others, is that they must first understand temselves, and that is an extremely difficult task. grief for example causes all sorts of pains and confusion and a lot of things, and a person may know that they are in grief over someone, but still not understand their emotions of the changes in themselves. so without understanding yourself, how can you expect to understnad someone else?

Answer 7

It takes me a lot of energy to understand others. And I usually understand their pain, their sorrow, their joy... but I realized that I don't give space for my own problems...and people usually don't have time for me...cuz I'm the good listener and they say.. I can trust you , I feel that I know you so long... ok I just try to understand them and ask questoins...but they don't do the same for me...probably cuz they don't know how to do it... and I feel bad about that...
so instead, I'm trying to solve my problems...but still I don't mind to help the others..i guess that's just the way I'm. I hope I didn't confuse you :)

good luck.

Answer 8

They simply don't know what the others persons situation has been the past year or so. Like domestic/financial/mental problems.

Some people are quick to judge.

Answer 9

That's a good question , but there is no simple answer for it .