Changing your name?

Question

Does changing your name back to your maiden name help you move on? I was going to continue using my ex's name as it is my son's name and everything that I have achieved (education and career) has been under that name. But, after the way my ex treated me before (adultery) and after (nasty if things do not go his way) the divorce, I do not want the name anymore. I respect his family but not him. Will changing my name help me start over?

Answer 1

Well, having his name has some benefits, but you can always refuse those benefits and revert back to your maiden name.

It should be noted that until you forgive and respect him, then you can never start over in a relatively blank sheet. Changing your name because of your negative feelings toward him will only make things worse for you until your negative feelings are gone.

I say keep the name until your negative feelings for him is gone, then after once they're gone, it's your choice to either kept or revert your name.

Answer 2

Personally I believe starting over is in each of our own minds. I was married for many years and my ex did the same thing as yours...I went back to my maiden name just to save face in a way really and it didn't matter, it has been over 14 years since my first marriage ended and I still get mail and people calling me by my first name. If you have many accomplishments with your married name, just realize that it won't go away for a while. So best case scenario, just move on and move ahead...hyphenate your name so that your maiden name comes first or something of that sort would be my thought. Prayers and Happy Thanksgiving through it all.

Answer 3

What you may not realize is legally you have the right to use either or both names, they are both yours as long as you don't use them for fraudulent purposes.

You don't even need to go through the courts to do it, ask a lawyer.

The question is, does keeping your ex's name make a difference to you or your self esteem? If not, then why not use your maiden name in social circles and your ex's name in your professional circles. The cost only comes into play when you try to change your id. Now that is a nightmare, everyone wants 3 pieces of id to change one piece.

But if you do decide to change it, try going back to the universities that our degrees are from they may be willing to make those revisions.

I am on my second marriage and legally I can use any of my 3 names without breaking the law as long as I don't do it for fraudulent purposes. I have degrees in frames on my wall at work with all 3 of my names, it's funny to see peoples reactions when they look at them, it still makes me laugh.

How old is your son, if he is young you may want to keep both names as I suggested above but if he is old enough to understand then by all means do what ever You need to do to make you feel strong.

Answer 4

Not necessarily, I changed my name because I didn't want to be identified with him anymore since we weren't married and it'd been a bad marriage (he cheated, became abusive, left me with all the bills and no money)
If you do this after the divorce - you have to ask the clerk of court to change your name and pay a fee for changing your name back to your maiden name.... the fee is nominal.(This is what I had to do in NC)

Answer 5

I'm in the same boat and wondering about this myself. I never wanted to change my name when we got married, but gave in because he was afraid of what his family would think. It has been a very bad marriage and I want my own identity back. For me, I need to find out who I am again - and who I want to be for my kids. I'm sure it is going to be very confusing for everyone, at least in the beginning, but I feel that it is worth it. I guess it is more about getting my life back than what is written on a piece of paper. Good luck!

Answer 6

I think so...I know that if I ever got divorced I wouldn't try to hold onto the name. I can understand if you were famous or something and your name was well known but otherwise change it. Your son will eventually understand.

Answer 7

It probably depends on the person.

I legally changed my name after my divorce as well as my daughter's and I'm a guy.

If you would like to change it, to symbolize a new start, then by all means do so.

Answer 8

You can do whatever you want which pleases you. It is possible to go back to your maiden name if you want to but you have to go to court to do it.

Answer 9

Of course it can. It shows that you don't need him, don't want him, and he's just in the past now.

Answer 10

maybe but it will take more than a name change. be strong