Will my husband eventually come back?

Question

My husband is 41 been married 19 years. Have one daughter 16. 3 months ago he left to live on his own. I found out he was cheating, but we had problems before I found out. When he left he said he needed time to think, to be on his own, marriage was stifling and he was not the marrying kind. These days he comes home every weekend and alternates between saying that he lives away because its convenient for work, and that he needs his space. He tells me about plans to decorate our house etc but also that he needs to be on his own because he doesnt want to consider anyone before making decisions. He rings every night . We have had 2 holidays together since the split and when he comes home at weekends he does chores without being asked, takes me out and we sleep together. It all sounds good, except that he suddenly changes and becomes distant. He says he does not want anyone permanent in his life, wants to stay married to me as I am the best wife doesnt need another? I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

He is "toying" with you....playing games. He gets the sex he wants from you, gets to visit his daughter, come home and "play" Dad and husband....then goes back on his merry way until he decides to come home again. You need to tell him the next time he leaves, to take his things with him. Either be a full-time husband, or a divorced one....his choice! Good Luck!!

Answer 2

Right now he is having his cake and eating it too. You are letting him. Firstly, in my books someone who is the cheater or the person responsible for a marital breakdown DOES NOT get to dictate how things are going to play out. You need to call yourself a lawyer ASAP.
The second thing you need to do is get yourself in touch with a therapist that will help you work through your issues about the breakdown of your marriage and mostly importantly, why you think you deserve nothing better than a manipulative cheater for yourself.

He can not keep doing this to you if you do not let him do it anymore. Stand firm. Define your terms. If he doesn't like them then TOO BAD! You have to be an example to your daughter of what NOT to accept from any man. Cheating and manipulating in relationships is NEVER acceptable behaviour.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear about these hard times during the holidays.

I think you know what you need to do. Why would you even contemplate taking him back after he cheated on you? Once a cheat always a cheat. Do yourself and your daughter a huge favor and tell him to **** or get off the pot. He is either with you 100% of the time or he is out.

Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Married 19 years and not "the marrying type"? Honey....my heart goes out to you. Men (or women) who say "I need my space" "I need time to think" "I'm not the marrying type" are up to no good. Take that to the bank. Despite whatever he may still be doing with you its because the other woman didn't work out or he's still looking for someone else and you're a matter of convince. Sorry...but that usually is the case.
The ball is in your court. Tough decision and good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 5

he doesn't want another wife, or a divorce because he would loose half his assetts if he were to get a divorce, he is distant because he is living with someone else, and enjoying the best of both worlds. if u divorce him u get half of his assetts. i would tell him i wanted a divorce and if he still doesn't come home i would go through with it,maybe he is planning on decorating the house because he is planning it's sale eventually. he is with someone else, and u can take that to the bank.he just needs time to decide, or is waiting on the other woman to divorce her husband before he makes a move.

Answer 6

Are you sure he doesn't have gay man at home. Because if does all that and still insists being alone, I do some checking around. No, I don't think he'll come home to stay. He had 19 years and didn't like it. You better divorce him and find someone new. that wants you all the time.

Answer 7

Sounds like your husband is going through Andropause.

You have one thing to be thankful for, at least he respected you enough to tell you.

It sounds like he doesn't even know what he wants right now, he needs space and time and you need to give it to him.

He obviously loves and respects you and your daughter and if you love him back you will give him this time.

Next time you two are talking ask him to go to the Dr. to be checked for andropause. It's the make version of menopause only it's a chemical imbalance that is reversible.

Answer 8

My answerd is as a wife, as a friend, and as a third party person. I will be 20 years of marrage in december 8 so I know for experience.

YOU HAVE AN ADVANTAGE, he still calling visiting and talking about the future. Give him some space BUT WAIT, Give a time limit 1 year since he left home. No more. You know why, DISTANCE IS DAGEROUS, Just let him know that he have 1 year that you will wait him with any problem, Please request him a time limet. If he answerd no time limit then you need to said to him this is a separation, Dont allow him to play with your feelings we are talking 19 years of marage no 1 or 2 years. He dint consider the years. But please if he did not agree with you in time limit, refuse every condition he request. Ask him for child support, beacuse is law and he is not living anymore with you. IS LAW, and tell to someone that he left home just is case he decide to go to cort to divorce and said to trow him away.

I ask my neighbore because he was in the same situation, and he ask time because he think that the fealings for his wife was dying. he left home but my friend ( her wife) never suggest or it put a time limits Then he fell in love in someone else. She sufer so much that sometime I cry with her, because she dint never ask for time in that separation, Before the year at 8 moths of separation to be exact he came and tell her that he want the divorce. And know he is living with THE OTHER WOMAN at her home. is was a surprice for her.

But when he left he dindt call or visit her, neither kept contact at any way with her. BUT AT THE END OF YOU QUESTION YOU SAID AND I WILL QUOTE He says he does not want anyone permanent in his life, THAT PRHASE IS DANGERS

You have that oportunity but be very clear as a water with him, but much important, do not go to bed with him is a mistake, Dont do it.

Answer 9

File for a Divorce and start seeing other men. Someone out there will treat you with the respect you deserve. Get a make-over too.

Answer 10

I would tell him to keep on walking. He cheated on you but now he claims you're the best wife and the only one he needs? He's telling you stories because his affair didn't work out. Set yourself free from him!