Every time my husband and I have a disagreement, I feel he tries to make me think I am crazy.?

Question

Example this morning while discussing a situation he said, "Something is wrong with you!" Then three to five minutes later when I mentioned what he had said, he acted as though I should be in the looney bin and denied completely that he had said that. Could not figure out where I got the idea that he said that.
He picked up the children yesterday from school. My ten year old had made me something at school that he was going to give me for Christmas. After we all sat down in the family room, the husband then said you should see what he made you today. My son was waving his arms begging his dad not to tell me, but he told me anyway and my son was brokenhearted . Then he acts as though it is my son's fault because he should have speifically told him not to tell while they were in the car. Then he had the gall to sit there and say that our son never waved his arms begging him not to tell.
The scary part is that he believes himself. Opinions??

Answer 1

Narcissistic Personality Disorder
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html

The most telling thing that narcissists do is contradict themselves. They will do this virtually in the same sentence, without even stopping to take a breath. It can be trivial (e.g., about what they want for lunch) or it can be serious (e.g., about whether or not they love you). When you ask them which one they mean, they'll deny ever saying the first one, though it may literally have been only seconds since they said it -- really, how could you think they'd ever have said that? You need to have your head examined! They will contradict FACTS. They will lie to you about things that you did together. They will misquote you to yourself. If you disagree with them, they'll say you're lying, making stuff up, or are crazy.

Answer 2

1) Address things that upset you in the moment. If your child is within earshot, then a simple and non-confrontational, "Can I speak with you in the other room for a minute," is all you need to make sure the moment isn't lost to denial, convenient memory loss, etc.
2) Stick up for yourself. Don't be a victim but also don't allow yourself to get lured into an emotional, irrational, "You're crazy," "Well, you're a jerk" kind of exchange.

Let's say he said something that bothered you. In the moment, you tell him you'd like to speak with him in the other room. You tell him, "I feel like what you said in there really hurt our son's feelings." He says, "You're crazy. I didn't do that." At that point you can continue with another "I" statement or you can put it back on him.

An example of the former being: "It hurts my feelings when you call me names like that. I just wanted to talk to you about this because I could tell our son was upset."

An example of the latter being: "You seem angry. Is there something else going on with you that I should be aware of?"

Ultimately, you can't control what another person does or says but you can control how you respond. Many fights in relationships seem like they're about a small issue (e.g., you forgot to take out the garbabe again) when in fact they're really about much deeper issues (e.g., I feel like you expect me to do everything around the house, I feel unappreciated, etc.). That's why everyone says communication is so key to any healthy relationship. It's the only way you'll be able to scratch beneath the surface and be able to address the underlying issues that prevent your relationship from being as strong as it can be. Once you've already tried everything I suggested above, if you still feel like you're banging your head against a wall, then it's probably time to get help from a marriage counselor. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

There is a very scientific and clinical term for your husband. Its "A Piece of Sh*t".

Common in both the male and female of the species but moreso with males.

You married him so you're stuck. Either address this with him and if he ignores you the relatively simple antidote to this disease is a good, swift kick in the nuts. If he reacts by balling up and laying in a fetal position on the floor vomiting or engaged in a bout of the "dry heaves' then you've administered the proper dose.
Once this medication settles in his body he'll be extremely sore but will have the ability to speak and sit up straight (sort of) in a short period of time.
Once again let your feelings be known. If he doesn't seem to comprehend, administer another dose and see if that does the trick.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Sounds a little strange. It was rude of him to say that to you and pretty callous for him to ruin your son's surprise! You should have a talk with him and tell him what he is doing. Maybe next time record him and play it back for him so he can't deny it. Sometimes people genuinely don't listen to themselves in an argument--maybe he doesn't realize what he's doing. However, it seems odd that everyone saw your son wave his hands andhe still denied it. I don't really know what his problem is, but I'd have a chit chat. As far as telling you you're crazy--maybe he's in denial because he sounds a little cuckoo himself.

Answer 5

Either he is lying or he has some major medical problems that have the side effect of short term memory loss. You should find out which for the happiness of the family.

I know someone who has the medical backing to this type of memory loss. (fragile type 1 diabetes and Sheehan's syndrome).

edit- Violet pearl may have the right track of mind concerning mental conditions. Look into that too.

Answer 6

I agree that you should record him and then show him how stupid he is. He'd probably say the video was lying too though. Sounds to me like your husband has a big issue with taking responsibility for what he says, as well as his actions. I'd suggest to him that he needs to grow up and act like a man. Being able to admit when you are wrong makes takes character and integrity, two things of which he seems to be lacking.

Answer 7

Wow, you are crazy...just kidding, I am married myself and sometimes I think my wife is over reacting, not crazy, but maybe had a bad day at work or is stressed about something, the fact of the matter is it sounds like your husband is a sandwich short of a picnic. This is from only you so you might be one knife short of a full drawer. So basically it is impossible to tell which on of you is whacked out, but it is probably one of you.

Answer 8

adult men and girls cope with issues in a diverse way. women folk prefer to talk problems out as they arise; adult men the two leave or combat. He probably would not prefer to combat; so, he leaves. i think of using 1000 miles away and staying long previous for 6 weeks is extreme, yet he probably would not recognize any different thank you to handle his anger. it rather is extra useful than hitting you. That being mentioned, in my view I recommend counseling that has an emphasize on getting to understand to talk with one yet another and getting to understand conflict decision. maximum church homes have qualified counselors which could try this for little to no value. in case you're no longer a member of a church, some will nonetheless enable you to apply their centers. otherwise there are private counselors obtainable is maximum all areas. As for his behaviour in public, it rather is extremely unusual and impolite. it may desire to ought to do along with his history. How did his father and mom work together? is this a cultural distinction? non secular? You adult men surely choose some outdoors help to extra useful understand one yet another.

Answer 9

He is trying to manipulate you and blame you for the state of your relationship. Don't let him do that, as it will bring your self steem down to the pits of hell.

My ex-h was cheating and told me that I was paranoid and crazy. Every time that I comfroted him he told me that i was seeing and hearing things that werent there. I started to believe that he was right and that I was crazy. It all came to and end when I saw them in bed together by accident.

Don't believe what he says and get to the bottom of this, he is trying to hide something and the best thing for him to do is to put the blame on you.

Be strong and good luck

Answer 10

My dear, your not alone. My husband does this all the time! I don't what to do either, so I'll be watching the answers you get :)

Sad to say, but I've learned not to rely on him for any reason what so ever... even sadder to say... so has our 4 year old daughter.

I feel for you and know exactly how you feel. It's like he wants you to feel like your the one that's crazy, when in reality it's him. I don't know why.... I've just learned to deal with it. And honestly, I chalked it up to being the equivilent to mental disorder.