I am enrolled in 15 hours of graduate school and I work 20 hours a week. He is going to class as well 3 nights a week and works as a reserve police officer, and 1 or 2 days a week at another job. We are both tired, but I need him to help me around the house. Every time I ask him to do something he gets upset, and explains how tired he is and how he doesn't get any free time.
2006-11-22 05:34:36 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know what the best tactic would be with your husband specifically; it might work to assign "chores" that he could do at his convenience (not "drop everything and do laundry right now", but more like "would you mind taking over doing laundry once a week?"). Also, evaluate the stuff he *does* do; sometimes we are so focused on the things that don't get done, that we underestimate the things that do get done on the regular basis. I do a lot of the household chores mysef (cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning) - but I don't mind at all, because my husband is in charge of "running the house" in the more general sense - fixing things, taking care of the yard, keeping the garage in order, doing home improvements, maintaining electronics and computers. Recently we hired a maid because I got tired of cleaning, and it's fine by both of us.
2006-11-22 05:48:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have an honest discussion with him regarding the things that need to be done around the house. Divide up the "Chores" so you both have approximately the same amount of things to do, or just get together one day a week when you are both home turn on some music and "job out" for a couple of hours and get it all done together, then in doesn't seem like so much, and if you both pick up after your selves between times it stays cleaner all the time.
2006-11-22 05:43:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It could be any number of things, and I see some folks have already jumped on the stereotypes of what men do or don't do.
Whatever...
It sounds like you both have pretty busy schedules.
I think the best place to start is with your question. It is quite judgmental.
If you approach him the way you wrote the question, I totally get why he gets upset.
You are putting him down. Why would he want to help when you've demonstrated in this question that you don't value what he does?
So, allow me to suggest another approach.
Instead of saying he doesn't do enough, why not get a handle on what is being done and what each of you believe needs to be done.
That means that not only do you get to put down on paper the jobs that are needed, but he does too.
While making this list, neither of you can tell the other person what they want on the list is bogus.
Once you have it all on the list, then indicate how much time is needed and how frequently this task needs to be done. Put down how much time every 4 weeks a task requires.
Maybe vacuuming is daily, while changing the oil in the cars is quarterly.
Then, each of you takes turns, picking tasks, starting with the most time consuming and going down to the least time consuming.
Approach is key. Your question leads me to believe you have a poor approach.
One final piece of advice, if someone is doing a task, you cannot tell that person how to do it.
If they don't do it to your standard, you are free to trade tasks, but you cannot tell someone how to do something if they are willing to do it.
That's an effective way to encourage that person to give up on the task.
You can specify results, such as the dishes must be clean. But you cannot dictate HOW he gets to that result if you want this to work.
2006-11-22 05:57:04 · answer #3 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, you're actually not incorrect in any respect. He could surely help out extra. while human beings come abode from paintings, you're assume to take a seat down back for somewhat, yet then get on inclusive of your responsibilities. And he shouldn't call you a slob, it extremely is disrespectful, fairly because of the fact it extremely is because of the fact of him no longer assisting out plenty which you haven't any longer have been given adequate time. There must be countless issues occurring with him, like possibly while he does issues, you do no longer say thank you, sometimes that makes adult adult males experience undesirable, yet while it extremely is not that, possibly he feels he works too problematical and easily needs to return abode and relax, if it extremely is the case, you are able to attempt and tell him that it extremely is okay to take a seat down back, yet afterwards he could take care of his chores, and if he would not be attentive to what his chores are, attempt making a catalogue of the flaws the two considered one of you should get executed each and each week and then he surely won't be able to whinge, yet while he does, instruct him the record and instruct him which you're doing all your area and so could he. it could additionally be that he feels undesirable or perhaps something's occurring at paintings it extremely is making him experience under pressure. wish that enables, and that i'm hoping the situation might nicely be resolved :)
2016-11-26 01:32:23 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happens occasionally around our house and when he starts the I'm tired stuff I say Okay you make a list of everything you did this week and I will make a list of everything I did this week and lets compare!!! I also just stop doing things around the house (kinda strike) until I start noticing things that need done. When he skes me to do something I say " sorry I have this, this and this to do but when I get those things done I'd be glad to do something for you. Ususally I use that for something that needs to be doe "right away" and I'm not saying No but I'm not doing it till I get my stuff accomplished good luck.
2006-11-22 05:51:45 · answer #5 · answered by prettyfroggy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. Mine isn't a problem of me going to school and working, it is a problem of the repetitveness and I have two young children and take care of everything in the house. If you need more advice, click on my profile and look at my previous questions. I had the same question a while back and got some good answers. Good luck! :)
2006-11-22 05:42:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go on strike. It works for me. You have to go at least 2 weeks without doing any household chores.
2006-11-22 05:43:09 · answer #7 · answered by baby girl 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to make him want to the cleaning by giving a reward for doing so
2006-11-22 05:37:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop doing the housework until he offers to help you. Once he runs out of clean dishes and clean underwear, he should come around.
2006-11-22 06:01:50 · answer #9 · answered by KC 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
all men are the same. i worked two jobs before and my husband only one and no house work got done. i would come home and he would be like the dishes need to be done and i need t shirts washed.
you get use to it trust me. when anything breaks down or isnt working right i can fix it but i wait for him like he waits for me.
that is my pay back. lol
2006-11-22 05:38:17 · answer #10 · answered by becca_2 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋