Communication, honesty, connection: Does the institution of marriage undermine ones ability to express .....?

Question

in all openness, the truth of what one feels?

So many marriages end as two people realize they don’t know each other or wish they didn’t. Is this because people, once married, don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings and so do not reveal the truth at all times and often use little white lies to circumvent a possible confrontation, and in so doing with the intent to keep the marriage going, undermine communication, honesty, trust, and the oneness connection, and so damage the marriage beyond repair, but having good intentions the whole time?

Answer 1

No, and it shouldn't. Honesty and communication are the only way a marriage will last. And those two lead into trust as well. Little white lies, that are non-damaging to the marriage, are natural. But to lie to someone to save feelings or yourself, they can lead to bigger problems and build up, until it explodes and makes the situation worse. Whether you have good intentions or not. Honesty is the best policy. So, I think you answered your own question. :)

Answer 2

I think it depends on the nature of the people in marriage.

This type of intimacy you speak of is what is ideal in marriage. Sadly too many people either don't feel it's safe enough to express how they really feel for a number of reasons.

You've cited some, fear of hurting their partner. However, others include fear of rejection, or ridicule, or fear that their partner will not take them seriously.

It could be unrealistic expectations. Thinking that their partner should just know, because they are married to them, they should just see and understand what they want, without it being expressed.

Perhaps it's the inability to see and think beyond themselves. The belief that others think the exact same way (or should) that they do.

Healthy confrontation is great for a marriage. Walking that fine line between stuffing everything and unhealthy confrontation.

In summary, I don't think the institution of marriage prevents this, but people who are unwilling or unable to engage in a healthy dialog, or people who have unrealistic expectations regarding what marriage is about.

Answer 3

I know what you are saying.. and yes it does happen... I have been married for 30 yrs. and everyday is a test of my self... I want to be open and honest and reveal the ME... but at times there are circumstances that keep that part of me on the hush.. I am a red head, short tempered, and very out spoken at times... I have worked on the inner me, to soften the temper, be more gentle and patient with others, and it is hard but I have made great progress.. but hubby and I do know each other.. over the years we have learned ways to say what needs to be said with out causing the emotional stress and pain... it all just takes time and YES hard work..... God bless

Answer 4

i think often times it's actually the opposite; that people aren't as open with each other BEFORE marriage, so as not to hurt the other's feelings. then they jump into marriage, and when they get too honest with each other, they take it as their partner trying to HURT them, instead of being honest, since they're not used to it coming from that person.

i think that people should spend more time together dating before getting married. it forces your true self to be revealed. only then can two people know if they love each other completely.

Answer 5

i think people just stop talking to one another. an sometimes when you get married you get comfortable and all of a sudden the other or you seem to be different. and people change too.
think about it. a lot more people are getting married very young and as a person gets older they change and it may not be what the other was expecting or maybe the other changed as well but now they are like way different people then they first new.

Answer 6

It depends.
My parents have been married for 20 years, and are totally honest with one another. I think it depends on the personality.
I don't think marriage itself is what breaks people apart, but you bring about a pretty good point.

Answer 7

No, my husband and I are honest. I know he never means to hurt me, so I am willing to listen to whatever he needs to say, even if it's about me and I don't like it. When you know the person has your best interests at heart, and you know they'd never hurt you, whatever needs to be said can be said.

Answer 8

Nope..
Just the opposite...
Marriage is of positive benefit to relationships...

Answer 9

negative---exact opposite