ohkay i have a few friends that are like some sort of a master at manipulation, i am an honest guy and i like them but when they start manipulating me and playing with my emotion that i feel towards them, it hurts me as it seems that my emotions is like a garbage, play around and throw it away.
So this has been a problem for me, i even try to talk to them about how it actually hurt my emotion (without being all emotional and whiny) and i found it hard to trust them, they said sorry but a couple of weeks later they done it again....
Now im fed up of it, i want to show them how its like to feel being manipulated, but the problem is i cant manipulate even a goat!
So maybe you have a solution or know some way
thanks for help
hug and kisses for everyone
2006-11-22 04:40:44 · 13 answers · asked by yotunos 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
*added*
I see that is true what you all have said, but i cannot abandon my friends eventhough they manipulate me sometimes they are nice and seems to help everyone. Is it possible to make them realise how manipulation can affect the way they live their life? and also how the manipulation can affects other? eg become too Paranoid
well i guess i kinda want revenge too and also wants to save them..... i guess im kinda mess up as well
2006-11-22 04:55:32 · update #1
They sound like pretty awful "friends." Friends wouldn't do things like that to you. You need to drop them and make some new ones.
You don't deserve to be treated that way, darlin!! :-)
2006-11-22 04:44:44 · answer #1 · answered by anothermelody2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best solution is probably not to manipulate back. If I were you, first I would make sure that my friends truly understood how I felt. You said you talked to them about it, but did they really understand? What you feel is manipulation, your friends might not and you may be in the middle of one big misunderstanding. If you approach them again, make sure to have specific examples so they know exactly what you are talking about.
If after you are all on the same page they continue these behaviors that you specifically asked them not to, you have to ask yourself if their friendship is worth it.
When I am trying to decide whether or not to keep a friend that is hurting me I think of if like this: friends are supposed to be a positive influence, not negative. If these friends only take away from you, then maybe they aren't the type of friends you want to invest your positive energy into.
2006-11-22 12:51:00 · answer #2 · answered by Cakes 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I used to have those kinds of friends. And years of abuse has made it hard for me to trust anyone.
What I did, was I swiched schools. I went from a school of 1200, to a school of less than 100.
When I swiched, I started hanging out with a new crowd. And they all were 2 or 3 years older than me. I think haning out with an older more mature crowd helped calm my fears of being manipulated again. My new friends never did that and I never saw my old ones.
One of my previouse friends started haning out with my new crowd and after a couple months, she started in on it again, but my new friends saw it. And they turned it around on her. Since they were older than both of us, they were more intimidating, I haven't seen her since.
The point of this story is to let you know, find some new friends. Change your crowd . Maybe try getting some older friends into the mix, and if your manipulative ones come back, make sure you stay with the friends you feel comfortable with. They will not let some one manipulate you, that's what true friends are for. That way you don't have to sink to their level. You can show them that you are stronger than that. And you don't have to manipulate, to have people like you. That will be the worst punishment for your manipulative friends. Trust me.
2006-11-22 12:53:37 · answer #3 · answered by danksprite420 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest relationships are based on trust. Your friends have time and time again shown that they don't care about your feelings. You said so yourself you can't trust them so in reality what kind of friends are they? In my opinion you are better off finding friends that won't manipulate you. You don't need those kind of people in your life. Friends shouldn't manipulate friends. I had a couple friends like that. I am similar to you, I'm honest and sweet. I have friends that like to take advantage of my personality and try to manipulate me so I basically stopped being friends with them and found a better group of friends. I am much happier for doing so. Friends should make you feel good about yourself. Now granted there are going to be fights, etc. that happens in all relationships but the majority of the time with your friends should be happy not having you feeling hurt and betrayed.
Dump your friends and find new ones. No friendship is worth your dignity.
2006-11-22 12:51:15 · answer #4 · answered by butterflykisses427 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't mind me asking. How old are you?
If I have read your post right, you're a male.
Don't become like your associates. Why stoop to their tactics? Do unto other's as you would have them do unto you is my moto.
Either you leave them alone altogether or you only deal with them when it suits your needs. Keep your interaction with them at a very casual level. They will start to wonder why you're not hanging with them. In the meantime, find other people to spend time with. Or find an interest and develop it. Spend time on you.
shad_ricks@yahoo.com
2006-11-22 12:48:16 · answer #5 · answered by i_squeeze 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget trying to manipulate them. They are not real friends in the first place.
Get away from them and find some trustworthy caring people to be your friends.
Take care,
Troy
2006-11-22 12:55:40 · answer #6 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never do things to those that have done to you...you should not associate yourself with people like that...they don't care about you that's why they do it. So it's best that you move on and get new friends...that's the best way, or continue getting your feelings hurt..
2006-11-22 15:46:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read a book called "Boundaries" by Townsend. The issue isn't that you need to manipulate them back, it's that you need to set firm boundaries so they can't. It's important that you learn how to say "no, I will not tolerate this."
2006-11-22 12:45:53 · answer #8 · answered by Shane 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are LETTING people manipulate you. You are giving them permission. Yes, consciously or unconsciously you are letting them do that, with your body language or your words.
Take a closer look at yourself. It starts from there and the manupulation stops there.
Need help? visit: www.psychologytoday.com
2006-11-22 12:52:03 · answer #9 · answered by Nightrider 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your solution is to no longer trust them...you arent going to be able to compete with them at manipulation even if that was a good idea which it isnt
2006-11-22 12:45:25 · answer #10 · answered by David B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋