Have 3 kids. Husband withholding emotion and love from me because he's utterly in love with this long-distance girlfriend, yet he refuses to leave. Should I leave? What about the kids? I am pretty sure he wouldn't be involved in the kids' lives if we weren't living together. Afraid my kids will hate me. Advice I get from my family and friends is to stick it out for the kids' sake. Some even think it's ridiculous that I'm jealous of a long-distance girlfriend. She lives in Thailand and we are in the U.K. My husband has been distant with me and never has time to speak with me. I want a chance at love, I'm not getting any younger (35 now). I'm going bonkers and don't know what to do. I am financially stable and don't need to stay with him for that. I don't want to make a selfish decision, but do what's best for my children. The kids adore their dad.
2006-11-22 04:40:12 · 22 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Leave the bastard
2006-11-22 04:43:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Sweetheart, I am so sorry you are having this problem. This is a difficult situation... but fortunately for you the answer is pretty simple (if something like this can ever really be simple).
You need to tell your husband that you know about his girlfriend, and that you need to go to marriage counseling. Your marriage obviously has problems and can be fixed if everybody is willing to put the effort toward it. If you are willing and he is that is (and if your not willing that doesn't make you a bad person or wrong).
As for being jealous of a long distance girlfriend, I would say that you have a right to be, your husband may not be having sex with her physically, but if her involvement has denied you the ability to have a relationship with your husband (he holds back love and affection) then it is just as serious a breach of your marriage as if he had been sleeping with this woman all this time (if she was in the UK would he have been faithful to his vows? distance isn't a defense in this case).
Now as far as staying for your children's sake, this is ridiculous. First off you don't need him to survive, you have said your stable on your own so I am assuming your kids wouldn't really suffer (and by really suffer i mean they would have a home, and would have food and clothing right?). Now they adore their father, and that's fine, and they will be upset that you are divorcing their father, and they will probably take it out on you (they are children after all). However, if their father is so irresponsible to not be in their lives even if he is no longer married to you then that is just bullsh!t, and that is HIS fault not yours, and eventually your kids will see that, and they will be mad at HIM for not being there for them not YOU for not putting up with somebody who disrespects you so.
The bottom line is this, there is no selfish decision for you to make here, either way you go YOU ARE NOT being selfish. You deserve a man who treats you with the love and dignity and respect that you deserve, you are a woman who has real value please don't settle for less or you will be selling yourself short.
I am not advocating leaving your husband by the way until you have an open and honest conversation about what is going on and how you got there. It would be better to have that conversation in front of a marriage therapist, so that you have a referee and you can have an outside opinion who is not biased.
But if the only reason you would stay is not to save your marriage but for your children's TEMPORARY happiness... that isn't a good enough reason to sacrifice your happiness for the next decade or two.
Oh and by the way, if your husband doesn't care enough about the children to be part of their lives if you separate, your children will figure out that they are not that important to their father if you stay or not, maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but eventually.
Good luck my dear, and good luck.
2006-11-22 05:06:54 · answer #2 · answered by Teclis98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are financially solvent and don't need to stay with him for those reasons, then why stay trapped in a loveless marriage with a man who shows you no regard. At 35, you are young enough to find a new man and a new life. It's so contemptible that he has been having an "emotional affair" with another woman, while you continue to be the loyal wife and mother. This isn't the 1950's when women had no options and had to stay with the man for the sake of the kids. Your kids will be happier when you are happier and living a more authentic life. Good Luck!
2006-11-22 04:45:21 · answer #3 · answered by cheyennetomahawk 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you have a VERY tough desicion, and you have to choose between your feelings and your kids. But if he wouldn't be around if ya'll didnt live togather then he's really not a good dad, and your kids will survive. HE"S being the selfish one!!! Tell him that if that lil relationship he gots with that girl dont stop, then you'll leave, and if he dont stop, that was his decision to loose his family over an online "fling". Cuz you should be his only love! 35 isn't old, dont you watch friends? And if you end up alone, wouldn't that be better than being miserable for the rest of yo life? And that right there is no good for yo kids to see ( you unhappy ). Then you really wont raise them right if you dont have pride.
2006-11-22 05:16:01 · answer #4 · answered by (¯`·._.·[•·.·´¯`·.·• Ariana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you must do what YOU have to do... cheating is cheating and is grounds for ending a marriage... I do not like divorce, but I also know there are times when it is the only option... and from what you write, you are at the point of making the choice, one way or the other.... but, this is ONLY something YOU can make the choice on... if you can not live with out love, and are able to leave, and make it with out him, money wise, make a home for the kids, etc...... then maybe you need to really think about what YOU want...... ask urself this... Is Dad being a dad ? a good dad ? or is the cheating beginning to effect the relationship he has with the kids ?? you can catch a bird with a net, but is it fair to cage it ?? and that can apply to both or either of you... can YOU stand to be in that cage and let your wings wither ?? God bless
2006-11-22 04:57:15 · answer #5 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next birthday/anniversary/holiday, give him an envelope. In that envelope, put a divorce decree and a one-way ticket to Thailand. The truth is, if he's withholding love and emotion from you and giving it to her, you have no reason to stay with him. The danger of sticking it out for the kids' sake is that you may come to resent them in the long run, which is definitely not a good solution. Yes, they may hate you for divorcing their father, but hopefully when they become more mature, they'll realize you made the only possible choice.
2006-11-22 04:51:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So who says that the kids can't come with you and have visitation? The problem with women is they just loooove to use the kids as tools against the husband because it's THEM that have the hard-on for him. What better way than to fu8k with the kids heads by witholding them from their father.
Here's the scoop. If it eats at you that much..leave and take the kids. Divorce and set up visitation. You have issues with him then it's between you and he. If he wants to cyber with his Thai girlfriend so be it. Frankly....I could never see that. If you and I were doing the same (I'm a Yank) then what good does this do? Christ...you're 5 hours ahead of me let alone 3000 miles away. Can't be any different in cybering with someone in Thailand.
Make the move...get out...get laid baby. Life is slipping away. Do yourself a favor.
2006-11-22 05:28:09 · answer #7 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On this one I am going to have to go vague. The marriage needs to be between the two that are married. If he is cheating that is going to make the marriage next to impossible to work out. Do you have solid Evidence that he was cheating though. He seems to be on that may not see marriage as a sacred thing. Time to change focus on the child she needs to be in a secureplace. A place that can keep her out of the oreal as best you can. Hope this helpsl
2016-05-22 15:39:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of asking us on here you should be packing your bags. You deserve so much more than a loveless marriage. I hate when people say to stay for the kids. I wouldn't do that. I left a loveless marriage because I didnt want my kids to think that what we had was normal. And I didnt want them to find out years later that everything they lived with us had been a lie. Make sure you take the computer when you leave............LOL
2006-11-22 04:46:04 · answer #9 · answered by his temptress 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are unhappy in your marriage which isn't much of a marriage anymore. Open your eyes and stop letting him treat you and the kids so distant. You need to tell him to stop the relationship or your leaving. And do it! You are not doing the kids any favors by showing them that staying in a unhappy marriage is a good thing. You know it isn't!
2006-11-22 04:47:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE HIM
Do you want your children growing up and thinking that it is normal to have an unhappy loveless marriage? Leave him for the kids' sake. If you do not, I am pretty sure that things will only get worse between the two of you and sooner or later you will end up splitting. Do you really want to put yourself through years of emotional misery much less your children?
2006-11-22 04:55:50 · answer #11 · answered by Jade 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋