2006-11-22 04:33:30 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hello,
The best way to help someone who is dealing with grief (loss of a partner) is just to provide company, dont ask silly questions, DONT try to make them feel better it probably wont help anyway.
If you REALLY want to genuinely help your friend, you have to try & understand & accept that right now all he has is the pain & grief. The loss will be all consuming right now, and for a long time to come. he probably feels devasted & is probably hurting alot inside.
**If you've never lost anyone close to you, I can definately tell you that you WONT understand it completely. I hope that doesnt sound rude, its really NOT meant to be. But unless you have direct experience of death its impossible to fully understand.
**When someone close to you dies, its abit like the world becomes divided into two groups or types of people. Those who know death & loss and those who definately dont, its just not happened to them. Often the people who havent experienced death or loss dont want to know how it feels either, they tend to push it away, death is just too scary for them (especially younger people).
**Most of all the best thing you can do for him is. Just sit and be there with him, allow him to talk about his wife if he wants or needs too. Allow the tears & the crying just be there with him will be an enormous comfort I can tell you.
**Grief comes in waves, it ebbs and flows like water, sometimes the waves are big sometimes small, sometimes the tide is coming in and sometimes its going out, grief is very like that.
IR
2006-11-22 04:50:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be there of course is the first and natural reaction. But also understand that people grieve differently. Respect it if he asks to just be left alone for a time (a few days at a time though). Include him in going to church or working out or just eating. Don't be afraid to talk about her with him, it will help him to know that you may miss her too. If you have a similar experience whether it is a parent or child or gf or animal share it. Maybe help find a special place he can go to think, near a lake or a park or a museum so that he can feel safe with his thoughts and not be staring at a headstone.
2006-11-22 04:44:22 · answer #2 · answered by irishliam36 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one to answer. Firstly, I am very sorry to hear about your best friends loss..it is equally devasting to everyone around them.
The bereaved will need to talk, maybe not straight away, but in time. Be there for them. It may be that they need to talk in the middle of the night, it may be about their loss, it might not be...be on hand to talk and understand. They may not want answers, just someone to 'vent their spleen'
Lots of people will be flocking around offering help for the funeral etc but it is not then when the bereaved need help. It is in the days and months after the death. In the lead up to the funeral, you have something to focus on but after it can seem like a twilight area where nothing seems real. Again, all you can do is offer support where necessary ie cooking meals or sharing a cup of tea. Its the small gestures that count. I did a collage of photos for my dads funeral, so if they can bear it, maybe look at a few pictures and to try and remember the happy times.
Everyone grieves at their own rate, you may find that they say or do something unexpected. Things can be a bit cloudy at the moment for him and they may want to make major decisions like sell their house, buy a pet etc. Try and steer them away from this.
I lost my dad 5 months ago so I am still going through the greiving process. I hope this helps...email me if you want to talk about it.
2006-11-22 04:45:23 · answer #3 · answered by sca438 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just be there to support him and listen to him. Help him to talk about his wife, do not avoid using her name which sometimes we are all guilty of it as we are scared of upsetting the grieving person. Try and get him to talk about the good times.
If he wants to cry, let him, make him a cup of tea while he is crying, dont tell him not to be getting himself, because his wife would'nt want that, there is nothing worse than that. Give him the opportunity to express his feelings.He will go through a lot of emotions over the next couple of months, just be there for him.
2006-11-22 04:49:20 · answer #4 · answered by dollybird 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Be there for him." Blah blah blah... that phrase wins the prize as the most meaningless psychobabble drivel of the day!
Here's what you do. The guy is probably in a lot of distress, and he may sink into bouts of depression and stagnation. He might stop mowing his lawn, paying his bills on time, going to the grocery store, eating healthy, doing his laundry, showing up for work, etc. See if there are ways to take those pressures off of him for awhile until he gets back on his feet, mentally. Offer to help with the mundane chores of life for a little while, to give him time to process what's happened to him.
2006-11-22 04:42:57 · answer #5 · answered by Stretchy McSlapNuts 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
be there at the end of a phone, or there at the drop of a hat. He is probably going to want to go over and over the same ground to work it out in his own mind so you need to be ready with a patient listening ear.
Just let him know you are there for him and help with the practical things too if he will let you.
Hope all goes as well as it can x
2006-11-22 05:39:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what your friend believes or doesn't believe, but make sure you are there for him. There are usually some great grief support groups at your local churches. He will have to take it one day at a time, and some days he will not want your company. Respect his wishes and give him the space he needs to mourn but still let him know you are there for him. He may or may not want to talk about it, but y'all just hang out and do whatever he feels like doing.
2006-11-22 04:39:33 · answer #7 · answered by heaven o 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is make sure that he knows you are there for him. My mum died of menigitis last year at just 49 years old and i didn't want to talk to anyone in the first few weeks but my friend sent me a message everyday just saying that she was thinking about me. it helped alot
2006-11-22 04:43:51 · answer #8 · answered by Zoe B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs to know you are there for him if he needs anything. You know your friend but he it may be a good idea for you to just call him randomly and ask how he is doing. How often will be up to you. Also he may need to get out of house - maybe have him over for dinner once a week. Good luck.
2006-11-22 04:41:01 · answer #9 · answered by Bert 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be Supportive, Spend lots of time with him, comfort him as and when he needs it & generally just be there for him.
When he is ready try talking to him about what happend, and the good times they had together!
Remind him that life goes on, and that his wife wouldnt want him to be moping around about her, and she'd want him to live his life for both of them
Good Luck Hun XxX
2006-11-22 08:38:51 · answer #10 · answered by eiramannej 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋