My husband left me eight months ago. He said that it was because he was unhappy and we weren't getting along. I found out later that he had met someone else. He didn't live with her but he saw her. They stopped seeing one another a month ago (How do I know this? Mutual friends VOLUNTEER information. This is how I also know that he called it off ( not that it makes a difference, anyway.) Always remember, adulterers: Your spouse doesn't even have to ask. It gets out.)
He now says that he was having a midlife crisis ( He turned 41 last month), that he is truly sorry, that he loves me and that he wants to get back together and be a family again. We have three young kids.
Am I being a fool to even consider it?
I was surprised by the whole thing. Up to then, he had been a good husband.
2006-11-22 04:25:48 · 20 answers · asked by pamela g 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wonder whether this is just holiday loneliness on his part. If I take him back, it wouldn't be until the New Year and I have no plans to have him spend holidays with me and the kids. I already have train tickets for all of us for tomorrow and Christmas.
2006-11-22 04:35:58 · update #1
Move on. Mid life crisis is a pathetic excuse.
You'll never be able to trust him again. And why do you want her leftovers back?
2006-11-22 04:30:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
I truly feel that once a cheater always a cheater. He left you for some other woman and when that went bad he wants to run back to you? What happens when he finds another woman and leaves you for her? When that goes bad is he going to come knocking on your door again? I do not know the whole story and maybe he really did just make a mistake and is truly sorry. But, he didn't seem to mind throwing over you, the kids and everything that you had made together for some woman. Do you think he struggled with his decision when he was living the free and easy single life? I would personally not take him back but I do not know your situation. All I can say is good luck I hope things work out for YOU and your kids.
2006-11-22 12:39:27 · answer #2 · answered by hes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Midlife crisis. What is the next excuse , we are only friends. Don't fool yourselve there is always another excuse or lie, when he get bored or you are not doing everything exactly the way he wants. Move on while the children are small. They will see what there Dad is really like. If you cover for him now you will be covering for him the rest of your life. Let him live with his bad decisions.
Move on and have a holiday with your kids and enjoy.
2006-11-22 15:06:28 · answer #3 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My father did this. He had a midlife crisis, divorced my mom, had several girlfriends that didn't work out, got lonely and said he wanted to get back with my mother. She did because she loved him. Then he left her again for another woman.
Your man is lonely right now and feeling the consequences of his actions. If it is a lttle rough on him right now that is because of what he has chosen to do. If you really consider taking him back you should wait it out. Wait it out and be sure that is what he really wants and that he is sincere. Also, If there is no remorse do not take him back. Don't be fooled there though - he can express remorse - or even think he means it - but it could be his own lonliness talking. Be very very careful and very sure. Wait longer than what you think is necessary. As soon as he gets his rocks off he may start looking for another woman again.
2006-11-22 12:36:50 · answer #4 · answered by Bert 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if the two of you could benefit from marriage counseling. There seems to be a lack of communication between you. A man can't blame a mid-life crisis on an affair. There must be deeper issues that propelled him to cheat on you. Therefore, before allowing him back into your house and the routine, you might suggest either that he begin counseling alone to address this issue, or go with you as a couple. Good Luck!
2006-11-22 12:30:32 · answer #5 · answered by cheyennetomahawk 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't let him get away with the mid-life crisis excuse, he needs to do a lot more thinking and reflection that that, but if 'you' feel you could forgive him then why don't you try.
I would certainly recommend good counselling, read as much as you can, make it part of your routine. (Dr. Phil suggests that marriages that recover from an affiar are stronger than before). Once you have identified the real reasons for his infilidelity you will likely both need to make changes, are you prepared for that? If you take him back wihout both of you understanding what went wrong before and both agreeing to fix what was broken, it will happen again.
If you take him back, be cautious, forgiving but cautious
2006-11-22 12:43:28 · answer #6 · answered by Inpurgatory 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know I'll get a thumbs down on my reply.
I would "date" him again. Take your time and get to know each other again. Don't let him just move back in with you. See if you still love him. See if he has changed. See if you get along this time together.
People here will say he was an adulter and will never change his ways. I do believe people do make mistakes and can change.
Talk to a marriage counselor/therapist or pastor.
2006-11-22 12:32:29 · answer #7 · answered by HowdyThere 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Since you have 3 children, it would be better if you could try to make it work. I recommend marriage counseling. Make sure he is tested for STDs to protect yourself. More than anything, go with your heart. Are you capable of forgiving him and moving forward, or will you always be afraid it will happen again? Make him prove himself to you since he broke your vows. Take your time in making your decision. I always hope for families to stay together, but I would not want you to have a saddened life when you deserve better and are trying to be a good wife to someone who may not deserve it. Best of luck to you.
2006-11-22 12:38:43 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, the only time it is stupid to try again is if he hits you. That is extra stupid. Go for counseling and if he wants to come back he can have NO secrets for a very long time. Everything he has, email, cell phone etc, you should have access to as well. NO SECRETS! I wish you luck...that mid-life crisis thing is tough. but it doesn't mean he is a "no good".
2006-11-22 12:37:01 · answer #9 · answered by Bev 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My hubby thought it was an exellent idea to sleep with strippers years ago and I left him , we got back together and although our trust is damaged I moved past this and he HAS changed . Loosing me has taught him a lesson. If you feel you can let the past go you should give him a chance. It's up to you , but you have to be able to let it go or it will never work out.
2006-11-22 13:08:00 · answer #10 · answered by INSANE SUGARPUFF 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 2 months, I might have actually considered taking him back; but after 8 months? Probably not. It doesn't take 8 months for someone to get convinced they really "love me". He'll run off again at the next opportunity he gets. I would NOT trust him again.
2006-11-22 12:48:28 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋