Its been 12 weeks. I'm getting very antsy but don't want to pressure my wife.
2006-11-22 03:37:59 · 41 answers · asked by T BONE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She's ready, tell her the party is over.
2006-11-22 03:41:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Assuming a normal, uncomplicated birth, there is no physical
reason why you couldn't have sex a few
hours after birth - basically to make sure that any bleeding has
stopped. Indeed, you could probably have sex seconds after
giving birth if it weren't for the "Ya gotta be kidding" factor.
Periodically, there are tissue tears, brusing and even ligament
straining that will cause most OBGYNs to basically tell people
that they might as well abstain for a few weeks in the name
of safety. You hear "6 weeks" alot, but I don't believe there
is any stated standard of care here.
However, the psychological factors are far more murky.
The mother is likely to be extremely tired (and generally the
fathers are also pretty sapped out). The mother is still
rushing with all kinds of hormones, and lactation depletes
all kinds of body chemicals.
What it comes down to is this: As soon as you both want to,
go for it. If one or more of you don't want to, its called rape.
Unless there were some pretty nasty complications from the
birth itself, there are no physiological reasons not to do it.
I'm not sure if anybody's keeping statistics on this, and how
big a dataset they are using, but I'm sure the average time
elapsed between birth and next coitus will exceed a month.
12 weeks wouldn't surprise me even slightly.
Obviously, if you can find a calm moment, you should talk to
your wife. If you can't find a calm moment, that may well
be part of the problem - she's just not feeling grounded enough
to find sex appealing.
In any case, congratulations. I hope your entire family is
sleeping well, but ... we all know better!
2006-11-22 03:47:37 · answer #2 · answered by Elana 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Once the doctor gives her a good bill of health from her delivery of your child, things can progress from there. The problem would be to make sure that you use protection because she can get pregnant extremely easy now. She's probably not ready because of her body having to heal from the baby and is afraid of the pain which may occur to get back into a normal state of having sex. Try talking to her to find out how she feels and what's on her mind now that this is over in order to ease back into the relationship on that basis. Let her know that you're not trying to pressure her as you've said but that you really miss her and your closeness. Let her know how much you love & miss being with her and that you are willing to help with your child to give her time for her needs. These are things that females need at a time like this.
2006-11-22 03:52:25 · answer #3 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Physically, her vagina could be fine. However, she may be exhausted (esp if she's breastfeeding) and/or she may feel bad about her body right now since she probably hasn't bounced back to her pre-pregnancy body. Also, if she's breastfeeding, the need to psychologically separate having the nipples sucked on from sexual feelings, can confuse a woman and make her 'turn off' her sexual feelings entirely. Finally, if a woman is the primary caregiver for an infant, she may simply be tired of the constant physical touching and demands on her body by the infant and may need a break for a while.
I would recommend seeing how much of your share you are doing with the baby, telling and showing her that you love her and her body, and giving her an opportunity to get away from the baby (with your or without you) so that she can feel like her again rather than only a mother. Let her know that you find HER desirable (not just her body parts) and would like to make love to her. Offer to bathe her in a bath or shower (if she's like most women she'll be more amenable to giving you a handjob in the shower), find opportunities to touch her in ways you know she likes, kiss her and use this time as an opportunity to re-seduce your wife the way you did when you first met her.
BTW -- telling a woman who is struggling to find her identity and body again after childbearing and childbirth that it's her JOB to provide a man with a convenient receptable for his semen when she's not in the mood, is not a way to encourage a healthy sex life with one's wife.
2006-11-22 03:54:37 · answer #4 · answered by Karen L 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The doctors tell you that sex is okay after six weeks...this gives the woman's body some time to heal after the trauma of birth. Has she been to her 6 week check up? Could it be that she is experiencing some depression normally associated with the fluctuation of hormones that come with pregnancy and after delivery? Encourage her to seek medical advice. And be patient....show her that you love and appreciate her....and help her with the baby, as she may be exhausted from sleepless nights and endless feedings and diaper changes. Good luck with your new baby!
2006-11-22 03:44:11 · answer #5 · answered by its_me_cheeky_dee 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The rule of thumb is 6 Weeks,but if the birth was Traumatic (i.e. Tearing,Internally or Externally),best to get checked out by the doctor before Hoping on the Good Foot to Do The Bad Thing!
2006-11-22 03:42:51 · answer #6 · answered by J. Charles 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
they tell you 6 weeks, but have you thought about how she feels about her body? Everything has changed for her and you need to let her know that you still love her and she is more to you than just sex. It takes a while to snap back to pre-baby form. Having a baby is very emotional and it tires you out, your hormones are all out of whack. Give her more time, she is probably just exhausted and maybe a little afraid it will hurt, and it does the first few times after a baby.
2006-11-22 03:55:31 · answer #7 · answered by mom-of-2 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you can have sex after 6 weeks but being a new mum is so so difficult and tiring that even at 12 weeks it can be difficult to find the energy, why dont you try and get a family member to have the baby for you overnight and then if you cook the dinner etc and offer massages you never know it might be your lucky night - good luck and what a mice patient guy you are
2006-11-22 03:42:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
After a few of weeks would have been fine. She's probably too tired after looking after the baby though. Talk to her about it, then tell her you'll give her a night off from watching the kid (except for breast feeding, of course).
2006-11-22 03:43:21 · answer #9 · answered by tipper 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
go for it, tell her how sexy she is and how badly you want her, she is ready and I am sure that she is thinking about it and just might be afraid that she isn't the same down there after giving birth, you have to give her many compliments and tell her that nothing has changed. but 12 weeks is plenty, even 6 would have been enough!
2006-11-22 03:44:42 · answer #10 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Depends on how she gave birth. Cesarean sections take longer than 6 weeks to recover from.
Please don't rush her until her body heals and she is comfortable. Childbirth takes a terrible toll on a woman's body. Just imagine that you were forced to have sex after squeezing an 8lb. person out of your body.....its not pretty!!!
2006-11-22 03:46:40 · answer #11 · answered by damesha 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋