Am I keeping my son away from his grandmother?

Question

My son nurses. My mother-in-law lives 2 hrs away. She claims I am "keeping" him away from her and using nursing as an excuse. However, my son doesn't stay overnight with my mother either. He wakes to nurse sometimes 4 times a night. If either party babysits for part of the evening, I am in pain from engorgement. How can I make her understand it is not personal? Leaving him for days at a time (1 night isn't good enough, she insists on a week) is not good for my milk production and my son wouldn't understand. Studies also show forced weaning is not good for the baby. What is a good way to deal with this?

Answer 1

Be strong in what you believe is right for your child, but do it in love. Tell her that she is his grandmother and you thank her for wanting to spend time with him, but he is not old enough for over night stays at this time. When he is a little older and not so dependent, she can plan some fun things and it will be more enjoyable for both of them.
This is your child and you are his mother and you are doing what is healthy for him and you. If your mother-in-law has a problem with this, it is HER problem not yours. Be loving and patient and hopefully she will understand, after all she was once a young mom too. Did anyone tell her how to raise and feed her children?
Stay calm and raise a healthy and happy boy!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Can't you express your milk, since it's so painful at times? As for your mother-in-law, she's way out of order to expect you to leave your baby with her, especially for a week. There's no way to deal with this without upsetting your m-i-l. You're the mother, don't let her take over. I bet she wouldn't have let her son stay away from her when he was a baby. Just stand firm with a "sorry, but he's too little and I don't want to be away from my baby" Good luck.

Answer 3

Damn Mother-in-Laws! Who needs 'em!?
Why would she even ask that you bring the baby for A WEEK? Never in a million years would I leave my baby with ANYONE for a week...she's crazy.

I would just ignore her....tell her to mind her own business and get over it. You have to do what you think is good for you and your child, not for your mother-in-law. If you come off as mean to her, well tough sh*t for her....if you don't stand your ground now, she'll drive you crazy the rest of your lives. I wish my boyfriend's parents lived 2 hours away...they're only about 45 minutes. But they can't come over unless I say so...lol...I have better things to do than sit around getting criticized by someone I don't even want to see.

Answer 4

Your mother iin law is being rude and obtrusive and it is more then okay to call her on it. I have a little baby who doesnt nurse and leaving her at others homes is still out of the question and everyone in my family completely respects it. Tell your mother in law to butt out in a nice way. Explain that you are not keeping your baby away from her but do not agree with leaving him in the care of others for days. If she is so adamant about seeing him tell her to get her lazy rude *** on a bus to come stay with you for a few days because leaving him at someones home is out of the question and if she doesnt respect that tell her to grow the hell up. SOme people are so rude and obtrusive and overberaing and bullying and abusive and you are completely in the right to tell her to f*** off.

Answer 5

Without knowing how old your son is this question is difficult to answer. You are the mother, It is your choice when and where to take or leave your son, if it is not hurting the child, noone has the right to tell you anything. It may be difficult for them to understand but if they respect you then they will respect your wishes. My mother in-law has been to every one of my neices and nephews births. I told her taht it was not against her, but she would not be welcome in the delivery room for my childrens birth. She didn't like it, but she respected it. It is your child and your life, make no excuses for the choices you make.

Answer 6

first, do what is best for the son aside from personal issues. all grandmothers are like crackheads when it come to getting time with their grandchildren. the best you can do is just state that it's not personal and you are doing what is best for the baby. if thats the truth then don't feel bad for it bc it's not what she wants to hear. you just have to take a hard line with her. by doing so will give yuo a good measure of how your relationship with her throughout the grandchild's life will be-so you know how to deal with her later too.

Answer 7

He's still nursing and needs his mommy...tell her that she can have overnights when he is older and weaned. Either she understands or not...not your problem. I can't imagine someone being so obtuse not to see that a nursing baby needs the Mommy.

Answer 8

Just explain everything to her. If she doesn't understand then really this isn't your problem, it would be hers. You are doing what is best for you and your son and thats all any one can ask. My 6 months old doesn't sleep over at his grandparents house either. He doesn't like to be away from home for too long and I would rather him be comfortable then have a night to myself. If I wanted that then I wouldn't have kids.

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

That's YOUR BABY. No one needs to understand your decisions all they have to do is respect them. You have to demand that respect. Stop allowing other's to talk crazy to you. The second your mother-in-law starts in with you tell her you don't like were this is headed and you will have to talk to her later.

I had to do the same with my mother. Remember people can only treat you the way you allow them to.

Answer 10

Ummm, I would say you are totally right here, but I would not her get to you, because if she sees it bothers you or makes you feel bad that she can't take him for a week, then she will do it even more... why doesn't she come for a week if she wants to see him so bad.... your baby comes first..he has to nurse and you can't let him miss that...