I want to divorce my wife,but she said if I do she will kill herself, I have a soft heart,how do I LEAVE HER!!

Question

I married her for all the wrong reasons b/c I got her pregant,and b/c I did'nt beleave in having a child and the child not have his father by his side at all times. My son is 5 now,and my wife is crazy. She said she will kill herself if I leave her. I have a soft heart,and Im afraid of her killing herself b/c of me. I would'nt be able to live with myself if she did. I would think it was my fault. She is 24,and Im 28. I left her so many times when we where dating,b/c of this! She neglated her daughter for me. B/c when we where dating I told her that Im not ready to be a father. That made me mad when she put me in front of her child even if it was'nt minds. I told her to leave then,she just cried and bagged me to love her.7yrs has pass and I don't love her,she can't keep a job,always quite.No diploma.Im a good man.I want things in life,she can't even meet me half way.She is lazy and don't wont to work, she claims its b/c she is overweight and her health is bad. I need a way out of this!!

Answer 1

Leave her right away. she is manipulating you form the very beginning. Either she needs to go to therapy herself or couples counseling for both of you. She has some serious issues. It's not right for you to be put before her daughter. Would you ever think of putting anyone before your son?

Answer 2

Well you really need to think this through. Maybe there is something going on with your wife that is stopping her from working, maybe she has self-confidence issues if she commented that it is because she is overweight. People can change, I think you should give her another chance before you pack up and leave - a divorce will have a strong effect on your son remember. I'm not staying you have to stay with her if you're unhappy but I really think you should sit down and talk to her and try and sort things out. If she has been a stay at home mother maybe she is scared to get out into the workforce again, suggest to her maybe starting working for 1 day a week and see how she goes and increase it from then. If none of this works I'd say you'd have to count your losses, but make sure you sit down and explain to her diplomatically how you feel and what the situation is. Good luck!

Answer 3

I love crazy women.
when girlfriends have told me they were going to kill themselves after a few months I leave..
a wife is another story it has been years and you have a child.
As I see it.. she has self confidence and depression issues, you may or may not have contributed but you have to deal with it now.
The mind is a funny thing that lets you see things in the way you want to see them.
You can risk it and leave her as all the other people say..
But you know her and know if she is serious.

I would encorage her to put the hamburger down and do something about what makes her unhappy, her weight.

LIE if you have to,
tell her that there was at one time a reason you loved her and that person is somewhere inside her (she may have eaten her "dont say that eaten part to her").
tell her if she loves you so much that she would kill herself over you than she should love you enough to be the woman that you know is inside her. (that she ate)
a healthy competant woman.
If she gets into shape her mood will improve and her confidance will go up.
tell her she is attractive and try to build her esteem as she loses weight.
she may or may not become more attractive to you but she will be a better person for it.
when she has the confidance in herself you will be able to leave if you want.

my advice until then is that you cheat like crazy because she is so blindly in love that she will not care.

I know I am manipulative but if you have a soft heart this is the best way.

Answer 4

This sounds like a tough situation that you are in. My suggestion, leave her. If she wanted to kill herself she would have already succeeded at some point when you left her. Ans if she has threatened this even before you were married, then why did you persue the relationship? You just need to keep track of everything she has done, suicidal thoughts and threats...and get a divorce. And if the courts see she is an unfit mother, your child will be safe and she can do whatever she wants. You cannot be held responsible for someone like her....you can suggest help, and that is about all. Good luck! :)

Answer 5

This is a tough one, why did you marry her? I feel for your son .
For a start is she effecting your son?, you can't stay in an unhappy marriage but at the same time you can't leave your son with your wife, not if she is talking of killing her self. I am more afraid she may hurt her son if she is unstable you cannot risk leaving him with her and if you take him it may tip her over the edge. She needs help, take her to the local doctor tell him of her threats. Is she lazy or is she just so hurt that she just cannot function any more?. Also no diploma doesn't make her worthless. The over weight issue might be because she is depressed. You want to leave OK, no one can force you to stay with her but don't degrade her by pointing out her flaws, How many do you have??

Answer 6

I can relate to your problem but at least my wife is not neglecting my son.She is manipulative though.She uses my son to keep me in check. Whenever we have a disagreement, she would use my son as leverage. Very sad because I've always tried to shield my son away from our unhappiness. I've no clever answer for you because in this situation, no one will win as far as protecting your offspring. My fatherly instinct is very strong which I find it to be interesting because I've never thought that I would. Fatherhood changes a person. For me, divorce, is not my immediate solution, well at least not for now. I'm not telling you to follow my way. But you need to realise that in this world, whatever happens, the men always have the burden of proving themselves to be innocent. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're leaving your wife, plan it well. Don't give her or anyone a chance to have an excuse to take away your child. From what you described, I think you child will be better off being raised by you than her. You need to cut your losses but I strongly believe that you should not sacrifice your child. Because at the end of the day, I'd prefer the love of a child(my flesh and blood) than the love of a (another)woman.

Answer 7

How sad. My friend, you cannot be responsible for her actions. Shes holding herself hostage and youre paying the price. As long as she has that power over you, you'll never get out from under it and chances are it'll get worse. More times than not, suicide threats are just that - threats, cries for attention. If she did actually do it, it is in no way, shape or form your fault. That would be her selfish childish act, just like her not getting a job, a diploma or any aspirations. As hard as it might be, my opinion would be to seperate and take custody of your son (doesnt sound like youd have any problem doing that), and remind her that she is a mother now and needs to grow the hell up. Best wishes.

Answer 8

Well dude sounds like your stuck in there until you help her lift the self esteem up a bit.
First of all, you say she is threatening to kill herself if you leave her? Well then you say she has no self esteem cause she is over weight and has no diploma to get a job.
First thing is first. If you want to get out of this marriage you have to act like you love her so she can get enough courage to get out on her own so in the end you won't feel it is your fault.
It will take time, I know but first off... talk nice to her even tho you don't mean it. and be very patient and bite your tongue when ever you can ...
1.Instead of saying bad say something good to make her self feel good about herself
2.Don't nag at her to get a job. Instead get a excercise program to help her loose weight. And if she gets offended by it. Let her understand that you will work out with her so she can have a partner to go along with it all... If that doesn't help your budget go for longer walks together then that will build the stamina and more energy.
3. If you both do this together she will think that you still love her and she will start to feel better and motivated more to eventually go out and get a job......
4 It will take a few months to get her to do that i know but if you expect her to just move out on her own she will have to do it on her own and eventually leave you and she will find her own life and in the end she will not hate you for helping her get out of your life but she will mature up also.

Answer 9

There is no good way out in this situation. Someone is going to get hurt...

So here is what I suggest...if you don't love her then you should not be with her. Sit her down and tell her the reason you married her and that you know that it was a mistake. Tell her that you care about her but don't love her and can't live this life anymore. Tell her that you want the best for her and you believe that you leaving will help her with her future and finding herself. Get her help. If she is threatening to commit suicide then take her to the hospital for an evaluation. If they feel that she really is suicidal then they will force her to get help.

You have to think about your 5 year old. If you don't get out of this relationship then you are hurting him more then you are hurting yourself. Don't do that to you or your son. Take him with you and take care of him.

Good luck with this hardship...just remember many people support you and your decision.

Answer 10

Unfortunately by you marrying her for the wrong reasons, you are being seemingly punished for doing so. When you had the chance to get someone else help for her problem you failed to do so, (family members). Now its on you to get her help before you make an attempt to go on with your life. This would be the best thing to do for your son's sake and his safety. She could easily turn her anger off to him for your actions, which would be worst to live with than her threats to kill herself. You are her husband and you have the ability to have her committed to a facility if she is truly sick or crazy. Get her the help she needs then take your son and try to have a decent life for the two of you. Where is her other daughter by the way? Hopefully, she's being taken care of by a caring person. Wish you luck!

Answer 11

MOST people that threaten to kill themselves are wanting attention and if they were serious the majority kill themselves without even a suicide note without warning. Get out before you get into a deeper depression and that sure won't be good for your child. Are you thinking about raising your child? Do you feel your child is safe with her if you were to leave? If not , you better put some plays into action before your child gets caught right in the middle and gets hurts physically or mentally warped.