My dad has an affair and I am the only one in the family who knows. What do i do?

Question

I have suspected for a while but as of today I'm 100% certain he's cheating on my mum. The fact that we're going through a horrible time individually in the family, my brother having cancer in his 30s, my sister going through a painful divorce and myself having recently been sacked makes his actions feel all the more treacherous. I fear a face to face confrontation because it might give him the chance to choose to move on with his "other" life, something that I feel, under the circumstances, he doesn't really deserve. Am I being selfish? Telling the rest of the family feels like adding more to their current misery. I want that other woman to leave him alone and my dad to come to his senses. What should I do?

Answer 1

Either confront your dad or tell you mom. I'd suggest telling you dad first, and let him see he is wrong, maybe he will come to his senses.

Answer 2

Well, first of all I'm sorry that this is going on. It is tough for everyone involved. Here are your options: 1-Talk to your mom about it, suggest that she give your father an ultimatum: her or the other woman. 2-Talk to your dad about it. Tell him that it really hurts you and the whole family that he is seeing another woman. And tell him that it is damaging your view of how a woman should expect to be treated. For example, him cheating on your mother is showing you that it's ok for a man to cheat on you. You could say something similar to your mother. That her allowing another man to treat her like this is showing you that you should accept the same from another man. Ask him to stop cheating for your family's sake. 3-Talk to your mother and father about it, separately or together. 4-Find whoever this woman is and plead with her. 5-Sit back and hope that things will turn out for the best. Because as much as it sucks, your parents are just going to do what they're going to do. And it shouldn't be a concern of yours, but unfortunately it was made a concern of yours when your father did it in the first place, and when you found out. I'm terribly sorry that you did find out, and that your father decided to have this affair. Do not try to take the situation on yourself. You shouldn't have to, and that is a heavy burden to carry. But if you feel like you have to do SOMETHING, which it seems like you might, you could talk to the people involved asking that it comes to an end. Because as far as stopping it goes, that is your only option. Asking the people involved. I think it would be best for you to express how you are feeling to both your mother and your father, and then try your best to allow them to make whatever decisions they make and eventually accept it. More than anything, you can promise yourself right now that you won't allow yourself to be in a situation where you are being cheated on and stay in the relationship, and that you will never cheat on a man. Make that promise to yourself, let your parents know how you feel, and hopefully everything will turn out, which I'm sure it will. Everything happens for a reason and before you know it this time will be over with and you'll be so relieved! Best of luck sweetheart, I'm sorry that you've become stuck in this situation. Hang in there.

Answer 3

I like the first piece of advice-- talk to the other woman to make sure that she knows that he is married. Chances are that she doesn't know and will be more than happy to move on without him. With all the horrible stuff going on in the family right now you guys need to be tight-knit and ready to face the world as one team. You should probably talk to your dad right after you talk to the other woman. You can explain to him why it's wrong for him to do what he's doing and tell him (ask him if you're that type of person) to stop it. If he refuses then your only choice is to talk to your mom. She doesn't need to deal with this garbage right now, but she may have to if you can't get through to your dad on your own.

Good luck with this. I will think about you, your brother, your sister and your mom.

Answer 4

Some people would say just to leave this alone and some people would say to just come right out and ask. It depends on how sure you are that he is actually having an affair. Have you witnessed this or is it still speculation. I would just be somewhat quizitive without over stepping my bounds. Hint that you might know something without actually saying anything and see if his actions change. Whatever you decide to do you need to make sure that this isn't just speculation. You need proof for your claim. Or else your risking opening up an entirely worse situation

Answer 5

yep i am like some of the others you need to have a talk with dear old dad in privet. keeping your cool this has you pissed to no end but you need to remember the times we live in, some people are more open minded then others and you don't know all your parents secrets. for all you know your mom might already know he is running around with other women , she might let him so he will leave her alone. and if that's not the case you need to think of your moms mental state of mind . with all that's going on would she be able to handle finding out she has a cheating husband ? either way i would deal with him even if it came down to putting a boot up his ***.

Answer 6

you should talk to the other woman see if he is really seeing her... and make her take you seriously... but talk to her with respect and not yelling b/c if i were you i would be really pissed at her and your father... so take it easy...
if that doesn't work .. you should talk to your dad b/c there is a big chance this other woman is going to talk to him about it... and then see what he says if he doesnt agree or denies something... you will have to do some more searching and ask your sister for help b/c im pretty sure she wouldnt want your mom to go through with what she is going through.ANd about your brother if he has cancer you shouldnt make him nervous....so stay without telling him for a while...

Answer 7

My freind had this happen to him in highschool and he told his dad and his dad asked him to lie for him and it really messed him up. I think you should tell your dad he has to end it or tell you mum in a certain amount of days or you will b/c your family just doesn't need this right now. And you certainly don't need the worry of knowing. Kick his *** for being an insensitive prick!

Answer 8

You are not being selfish. Talk to your father. Tell him how you feel. How much it hurting you seeing him disrespecting your mother this way. If he choses to move on, it would not be your fault, but his loss. We tend to place our parents in pedestals, they are humans like us. If you talk to him heart to heart, there is a chance he would gain his senses back and stop the affair.

Answer 9

I would confront him alone about this first. Let him know that you know and you will tell your mom if he doesn't. I know your family is going through alot right now-but your mom deserves to know the truth and to move on and find someone who will treat her as she deserves-if thats what she decides to do. Good luck.

Answer 10

I would have a talk with the other woman and if that doesn't do anything I would talk to your dad. If nothing still happens I would tell your mom b/c she doesn't deserve to be with someone who is going to cheat on her.