I have a serious problem with my husband looking at porn. I do not think it's okay to fantasize about doing things with other women. I don't do it about other men! I have even left the house for 3 or 4 days and stayed in a hotel b/c I caught him looking at it on our computer. He used to even download it on his cell phone. I've told him I have an issue w/it, but I think b/c he sees it as innocent he will go behind my back and do it. It's to the point where I have spy mechanisms set up on our computer! I haven't caught him in a long time, but am I normal to feel this way, and is ihe looking at it b/c there's something wrong w/me?
2006-11-22 01:14:26 · 31 answers · asked by ashley b 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All men look at porn, men are visually stimulated. As long as he isn't looking at it and neglecting you, it's ok. He might even learn something new to try with you. Try watching it with him sometime.
2006-11-22 01:17:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 5⤋
First off, there is nothing wrong with you, he is the one that has the problem. Your feelings stem from the fact that he is needing to look at and watch other women to get turned on. This makes you feel like you are not enough for him and causes you to ask questions like "what is wrong with me?". It is obvious that you have told him that you have a problem with it and it appears that he just does not care. You said that you have not caught him in a long time, so maybe he got the point. If you catch him again, tell him that he has to make a choice, you or the porn, if he wants to keep looking at porn, then you will leave (for good) and find a man that will appreciate what he has. Don't do this unless you know 100% sure he is still looking at or watching. It is addicting and can be hard to break, but sometimes it requires some tough love to make them see what it is destroying.
2006-11-22 01:24:49 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand that some people feel it's wrong to look at porn and not communicate with their spouses about bedroom behavior.
However, is it any uglier than any other bad habits that we ALL kick around everyday of our lives? Everyone has their opinions, but it sounds a lot like people are becoming judgmental towards those who look at porn. I've looked at it before, but it was not fulfilling, as I wanted my yearnings to be satisfied by my wife. Some men do take it too far and make their women feel bad.
So, how does it differ from any other addiction, or bad habit? Is a porn watcher as evil as a smoker who gives others chronic illnesses because of second-hand smoke? Is a porn watcher stealing money from his family to shoot crack in his veins and
f$%& up his heart? No. While it's true that if he has an issue with intimacy, he should communicate rather than look at porn, there are some who may actually get some tips from a video, or may just get ready for his woman. So stop bashing everyone who looks at it, and look at your own habits before judging someone else.
If that's bulls@#$ to you, then marijuana for medicinal purposes is bulls@#$ as well.
2006-11-22 10:20:42 · answer #3 · answered by L Jeezy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say "Stop being such a goddamn prude" however there is one thing here that I think you have a somewhat legitimate gripe.
I see no problem with looking at porn. Naturally this depends upon entirely what your taste is though. Hetro stuff..yeah...fine. Verbotten or strange....children (that goes without saying), animals (hey, Steve Irwin, Marlin Perkins and Doctor DoLittle all loved e'm but they never screwed 'em) and one legged women in a rubber stocking sh*tting on leather auto seats is bizzare.
What I have to agree with you in is this downloading to the cell phone. I mean really....grow the eff up. I'll bet he's the life of the party with his porno collection on his phone. Which pretty much sums up the type of crowd he hangs with.
Let me ask you this.....sex life okay? Or is it non-existant. I wouldn't lose sleep over all of this unless he cannot perform with you. I do have an issue with the cell phone deal. If you really want to look at porn...keep it at home.
So...you're not entirely wrong in your feelings.
2006-11-22 01:57:13 · answer #4 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are normal to feel this way. But you are fighting a losing battle.
I do however, think he needs to keep his cell phone clean and keep your computer clean.
Men do this. Period. It does not mean there is anything wrong with you.
A lot of women do too but they are embarrased to admit it.
If you cut him off completely he will hide magazines or videos. It will happen. He is a guy. This is what we are. You probably won't find a guy who is any other way. They barely exist.
Rather than make him feel horrible about being normal why don't you either put up with it (really, not stomping away yelling "fine!")or, better yet, try to get into it with him.
I have never had a time where my wife and I didn't have great sex within 20 min of nasty surfing. Great for both of us, not just her.
2006-11-22 01:21:03 · answer #5 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not OK to look at porn if you've told him it bothers you, and you're completely right to be mad. And anytime someone is sneaking around doing things behind your back, you should be worried. If he'd lie about this, what else would he lie about?
A lot of people defend themselves by saying "all men look at porn," but this is just something people say to make themselves feel better about the things they do that they know are hurting other people. My husband has never been into porn, he thinks it's stupid. His dad didn't watch porn, and I know my dad never watched porn and he always said that guys who watch porn are the ones you need to stay away from. I'm glad I followed his advice.
If a couple watches porn together and they both like it, I say go for it. But if he is watching porn by himself and he knows it's hurting you, something needs to change.
2006-11-22 06:55:36 · answer #6 · answered by K H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl I used to have the same issue. I was so devastated he looked at porn behind my back. He explained to me that it had nothing to do with me why he watched it, he just likes the dirtiness of it. I began to watch it with him and I've found I like it. Because if I didn't, I just knew he'd do it without me. We actually enjoy watching it together.Truthfully, he enjoys me watching it with him much more then being by himself. Try it, you may find you like it. It would definitely spruce up your marriage. Maybe put on some sexy lingerie first, that makes it even more fun.
And to Valerie, you say it's only a way to make money, well what isn't. We pay for everything else in the world. Sounds like you're the weak one NOT watching it.
2006-11-22 03:59:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
is it normal for you to fill this way?
yes
is it harmless for him to look at porn?
yes
what you need to do is talk to him about it and start looking at it with him and then see that its harmless. people that say you have a porn addiction are full of it. he has about as much as an addiction as you do with yahoo answers.
stop being a prude and if you want your marriage to really work stop staying at hotels cause if you keep doing that hes gonna just assume your having an affair and the very thing he is preventing (and none of you woman ever realize this) by looking at pron is going to happen........ hes gonna sleep with another woman.
choose porn or affair its that simple.
and stop being a prude cause he would be just as happy to watch it with you as he would to watch it by himself
its 2006 people sex is in and it will be in to stay. men love looking at porn so deal with it
and to valerie you are a prude play a trick on your boyfriend and act like you want to watch a porn tonight and dont give any hint that you arent seriouse about it. make him actually believe you are going to watch a porn and watch him say yes.
if he says no that would explain why he is dateing a female body builder.....
hes gay
2006-11-22 02:08:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not looking at it because of you, he is looking at it because guys like to think about sex every 40 seconds. A lot of women feel the same as you. He probably is looking at porn behind your back, but I would'nt be too concerned with it. There are much worse things he could be doing behind your back
2006-11-22 01:23:11 · answer #9 · answered by sunline 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First thing is first, there is NOTHING wrong with you! Your husband just feels the need to look at the porn. Some men do that. If he truely loves you then he will take your feelings into consideration and either stop looking at them or look at them with you. You need to sit down with him and tell him that he needs to stop looking at the porn and that it truely bothers you. Make sure he knows exactly how you feel.
2006-11-22 01:21:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dump your husband over this...good luck finding a guy who doesn't, you are much more likely to find a sneak and a liar or some guy with zero sex drive.
Stop the drama. This is what guys do. Guys think of sex 3 times a minute and porn is a couple clicks away on any computer. A guy is gonna look.
If you can't handle reality, divorce the poor guy and warn the next guy that you are an unrealistic and controlling.
2006-11-22 01:33:35 · answer #11 · answered by hankthecowdog 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋