Help me survive the next 3 hours of work?

Question

am shattered and must stay in work! (out last night) Home at 4 a.m! Up at 5 a.m.! V. Tired! Need urgent advice apart from "go home sick!" (Not a possibility)! Coffee no longer seems to work either!

Answer 1

read these theyl make you laugh the 3 hous awayand yes i robbed them all
Dr dave had slept with one of his patients and felt very guilty.
No matter how much he tried,his sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he`d hear an internal reassuring voice say"dave,don`t worry about it.You aren`t the 1st dr too sleep with one of your patients and you won`t be the last.
Just let it go! But invariably another voice would bring him back too reality whispering,
Dave you`re a f ucking vet!
guy goes to the doctors with a steering wheel down his pants,
the doctor say`s thats got to hurt!
guy replies yes it`s driving me nuts.
What do you call fat mexican people? Bean and Cheese!!!

how did chinese learn to speak? they dropped a spoon and heard, ching, kong, ting, king

How do you know if you have been robbed by a mexican? Your dog is pregnant and your bike is gone

How do you know when a pakistan boy becomes a man... They take the diaper off his *** and put it on his head.

What do you call 2 mexicans on the back of a fire truck? Hose A and Hose B (jose and josb)

How many Cops does it take to arrest a mexican? 2, 1 to arrest him and the other to hold his burritos.

why is advil white? because it works

what do you get when you cross a mexican and a vietnamese? A car theif that can't drive.

Why doesnt mexico have a olympic team? Because every mexican that can run, jump, and swim is already across the border!

what do u call a mexican batisim? a bean dip
two mexican guys are in a car, who's driving? The police Birthday Present
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
4 minutes ago
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real ***** tonight, Dave."
An irish man an aussie and a scouser in a pub.
The 3 men see a man sitting at a table who looks like jesus,so they send him over 3 pints,1 lager,1 guiness and 1 bitter.
Later the man comes over to thank them,he shakes hands with paddy who is instantly cured of his arthritis.
He shakes hands with the aussie who in instantly cured of his bad back.
The scouser shouts "don`t you f ucking touch me i`m on disability benefit!"
There was this duck that walked into a bar and sat down in a stool and the bartender said, "Can I help you?"

The duck said, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"

The bartender said, "NO! This is a bar and we don't sell raisins."

The duck walked out and then he came in the next day and sat in the very same stool!

The bartender walked over and asked him if he could help him? The duck said, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"

The bartender said, "NO this is a BAR we don't sell raisins!" So the duck walked out again and left.

He came back the next day and sat in the same stool once again! The duck yelled at the bartender, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"

The bartender said, "NO. And if you come back here once more I am gonna nail your webbed feet to the ground and you are gonna die there."The duck said, "ok", and left.

The next day came and sure enough the duck came back except he only peeped his head inside the door. He said, "quack, quack, got any nails?" The bartender replied, "No!"

The duck said "Good, then you got any raisins?"
There is this drunk sitting in the park. He starts to play with himself. When a kid walks up upon him. The kid says" Hey! mister what are you doing?" The drunk replies " I'm palying with my bird." " Go away". The drunks passes out and finds himself in a hospital room. He sees the kid sitting there, and asks " Hey- kid why am I in the hospital?" Kid relies " I starting playing with your bird and it throw up on me. So I broke his neck, burned his nest, and spomped his eggs.
Going Fishing?
Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage to hook up the boat for the
fishing, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The rain was coming down sideways and the wind was blowing 80 kph. I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and discovered that the
weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation
and whispered, "the weather out there is terrible!"

Sleepily she replied "Can you believe my stupid husband is out there
fishing."
When I was with my very 1st job at the age of 18 as an admin. One day my boss asked me to send a telegram (how co. communicate last time) to Indonesia & inform my Ind boss that 1 of his pants was found inside my boss's luggage as they went for a business trip in Malaysia & share the same hotel room.

The very next day when I 1st step into the office... Everyone start to laugh at me... I was puzzled then and later realised that I sent out the Telegram:-

Dear xxx,
MrX found yr part inside his luggage, will pass to you when u come Sin.

Figure out my spelling mistake & make a great diff
Octopus walks into a bar, says "I bet I can play any musical instrument" Bloke gives him a guitar which he plays better than Jimmy Hendrix. 2nd bloke says "bet you can't play the piano" The octopus plays better than Elton John. Jock gives him some bagpipes, the octopus fumbles for a minute and looks confused. Jock says "HA can ye nae play it?" Octopus says .... "play it? I'm going to sh*g it as soon as I get its pyjamas off!"

Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through
no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an
evil witch.
The curse was that the Prince could speak only
one word each year. However, he could save up
the words so that if he did not speak for a whole
year, then the following year he was allowed to
speak two words. (This was before the time of
letter writing or sign language.)
One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips,
golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love.
With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain
from speaking for two whole years so that he could
look at her and say "my darling".
But at the end of the two years he wished to tell
her that he loved her.
Because of this he waited three more years
without speaking
(bringing the total number of silent years to 5).
But at the end of these five years he realized that
he had to ask her to marry him.
So he waited ANOTHER four years without
speaking.

Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy
knew no bounds.

Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded
and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden
the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap,
knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said
huskily,
"My darling,I love you! Will you marry me?"
And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair
behind a dainty ear,
opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting
her ruby lips, said:...............pardon
One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind Him "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"

"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points".

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.

He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks".

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and "pleasured himself" into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.....

Thank you for shopping at Tesco.

Answer 2

Yes it is very possible to only run on 3 hours of sleep. I usually average between 3 to 4 hours a day. Sleeping this all at once is ok but the real secret is to take an hour of it and take a nap mid-day. I can tell you that it is not for everyone and that often the ones that are able to do it have a high pain tolerance. This allows for the body to keep going longer without becoming fatigued. Hope this helped, Dylan

Answer 3

Act busy by shuffling papers on your desk
get on the phone & punch at the keyboard while looking curiously at the screen
say that you need an old document in archives then go look for it & take a 30min power nap.
Fake a fall down the stairs & act like you hit your head.. ther must be witnisses!

Otherwise.. drink a red bull or three in 1 go, wash your face with cold water. Take a hot tea bag & press on your eyelids to sooth them & take away the redness.

In the meanwhile enjoy this link..

http://img252.echo.cx/img252/8159/006wo.swf

Answer 4

Mmm, I wonder eat loads of sugary snacks then hopefully you'll get a sugar rush and speed through the next 3 hours. Good luck and maybe next time leave your partying until Fridays. lol

Answer 5

Eat. Preferably something high in sugar or fat to give you a burst of energy to see ou through the next 3 hours! Drink plenty of water as well to rehydrate yourself and get rid of that hangover!

Answer 6

Power nap! It worked for a guy who rode a bike around the world. Simply pop to the toilet and take ten mins sleep. Its highly effective and proven to keep you going. Repeat every hour and a half if needed.

Answer 7

Draw eyes on your eyelids and hope that you don't snore if you fall asleep...

Make some jokey phone calls, "can I speak to mr Biggen, first name Ivor" etc...

Listen to some seriously hard dance/gabber or hardcore music on your PC/Ipod/Phone whatever

Insert matchsticks under your eyelids...

Sit in a very uncomfortable position in your chair...

Answer 8

find an excuse to go outside for a few minutes,
the fresh air will help revive you and make sure your office isn't too warm, that will make you feel worse.

try pro plus and red bull but not if you have any kind of heart complaint!!

Answer 9

You got some candy, or does a co-worker have any? Candy kind of wakes you up a little...if your job has a fridge, stick your head in the freezer, this gives you a little pickup. Stop watching the clock.

Answer 10

Boiled sweets might work.
Or just eat and keep eating.

Answer 11

apply ice pack to abd region,get move around more