hMy husband and I had tried the swinging lifestyle for a short time with some people we had become friends with. I never thought I could do something like that but the other man and I did hit it off. My husband and I decided this wasn't for us but we stayed friends with the other couple. I had talked to the guy many times before on the phone on and off that was ok with my husband sometimes then he'd change his mind and it wasn't ok. He does not trust me and I am home now I had worked for 11 years outside the home. I'm here 24/7 , My friend who's husband was my partner, she fears has a thing for me and me him. My husband fears the same.So now when I go off and he is not in from work yet, and he drives a truck, she calls to see if I'm home. I went to a friends house last night. I call my husband and he acts funny because he was out of town for his job, so she can't get her husband on the cell phone so she calls my husban . I'm a prisoner in my own home help!!! I can't go anwhere anymore
2006-11-21 23:50:17 · 11 answers · asked by missy j 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems odd that your husband thinks the same thing as the wife of this guy thinks. How come you dont think your husband fancies this other woman and her husband doesnt think she fancies your husband. Something has obviously happened for them to think the same way. The whole friendship thing seems odd to me. Is the friendship with these people important to you because it sure seems like the only friendship is between you and this woman's husband because this woman obviously doesnt trust you therefore you couldnt really call her your friend. Something odd is going on and the only way to stop your husband and this other woman from being suspicious is to cut the friendship ties all together. I would suggest you sit down and talk to your husband about it. Assure him you dont have any feelings for this man (do you though?) and say if he thinks there is anything going on between the other woman's husband then you are prepared to end the friendship. See what his reaction is. If he values the friendship of the other two people he will not want the friendship to end. If the only friendship is between you and this other woman's husband then he wont mind the friendship ending. If he doesnt want the friendship to end then you just have to take the tough line with him and stand your ground. Tell him he cant have it both ways and if he still wants this friendship with these other people then he has to stop being jealous and if he cant do that, then he obviously doesnt trust you and you will have no other alternative than to leave. If there is no trust, the relationship will go downhill very fast. You have to decide what is more important....your marriage or the friendship you have with this other couple.
2006-11-22 00:11:41 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This should not be eating at you so much. It was both you & your husbands decison to begin swinging with this other couple, It doesn't make any sense for the two of them to be acting as though you and this man are seeing one another on the side.(unless you guys really are?) If they were weary and afraid that something might go farther, then they never should have agreed for the four of you to begin swinging together in the first place. And also when you guys had stopped swinging together and with there being lack of trust in the air then you guys should have ended your friendship and went your separate ways instead of staying friends. Maybe that is what you guys should do now if you want to live your life in peace.
I think that swinging with another couple is dumb anyway just for this reason. Is your husband talking with that woman & staying friends with her as well? And are you also having the same feelings towards your husband and this woman? Because if you are you should let him know. But if you are not having the same feelings towards your husband & this woman, and you trust and honor his love for you then he should be feeling the exact same way towards you.
Good Luck
& Happy Thanksgiving.
2006-11-22 10:21:09 · answer #2 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would strongly recommend going to Relate or another relationship counseling service.
Once there is mistrust in a relationship it's hard to stamp it out. Anything you say he will see as being potentially untrue as you're the one to gain from lying.
But a relationship counselor doesn't take sides and could facilitate you and your husband talking through the issues and provide an objective voice. If the counselor tells your husband that there's nothing going on he might be more inclined to believe it. If you suggested it would also show that you were willing to invest in your relationship together and that you're willing to be open and honest about things.
I went to Relate for a while with my partner and it was amazing, the lady was discreet and sensitive to all the issues and we emerged a happier and much stronger couple.
2006-11-22 08:12:17 · answer #3 · answered by How many questions can there be? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit him down and explain this was a joint venture and your tired of paying the price for a mistake that ya'll made! Tell him the trust needs to be rebuild and that is impossible if your a prisoner in your own home! Tell him to back off or you'll leave!
2006-11-22 08:10:36 · answer #4 · answered by kelley1031 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u r only a prisoner if u allow yourself to be. there is no trust in your relationship, which means it is over and u guys just have not admitted it.i believe the ony way to save this marriage is for u and your husband to cut off total contact with the other couple and enter conseling. its not right to live your life like this.
2006-11-22 07:56:10 · answer #5 · answered by Miki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u urself a prinsoner in ur house, please get out of it at once. But what are ur plans? Will u not face similar situation elsewhere with some other man.? Please think over coolly and then decide. Swinging practiced by u will not take u very far in life. Age will definitely catch up.
2006-11-22 07:55:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who's idea was the lifestyle?
Let him know that you are not messing around and leave it at that. It would help to tell him where you are ahead of time.
2006-11-22 07:55:13 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have walked yourself into something a lot of people are not sure about. Who's ideal was it to become swingers? if it was him and then he wanted something he was not getting or he maybe was thinking it would be fun. if it was you then you know why you wanted to become one and you will have to deal with it.
2006-11-22 08:03:07 · answer #8 · answered by Quinton S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you people deserved it for playing with fire....if you cannot take it than don do it in the first place.
2006-11-22 08:03:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to end your relationship with these others. or it will end your relationship with your husband... good luck
2006-11-22 07:52:45 · answer #10 · answered by robtiger2 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋