How do i cope with my parents splitting up?

Question

My Dad had an affiar with a girl from his work. while all the time he was flaunting it under mine and my brothers nose. he took us up to school every morning and picked her up alwell. he used to make us say good morning to her aswell. i was totally oblivious to it too. my mam kicked him out and he lived with our nanna. then she tragically died. he moved out with his girl freind and got a flat. he has a different job now and only see's me and my brother twice a week. i dont want too see him. but it kills to see my mam upset. she drinks heaverly but is seeing a cousler about it.
My anger consumes me and i used to cut myself alot. I hit my bed room furniture aswell. and when anyone asks what happend with my hands, I lie.
my freind cheer me up sometimes and i curently have a boyfreind. i dont want sypathy i just want idea's on how to vent my rage. i have tried karate, kick boxing... even football. it doesn't help

i am girl btw

i am 15 and have a brother and my nanna is dead
and i have stopped cutting myself cause someone checks my arms every week now
just to clear up confusions

Answer 1

I am very sorry to hear about your mom. And your Dad, caring on in this manner. He is being very selfish and this is obviously causing you great pain. You are just going to have to do your best to concentrate on being the best you can be. Do not sit around plotting revenge. That is God's job. You can never pay him back or the woman for what has happened. Please stop cutting yourself. That is not going to make things any better. I suggest you ask your nanna to get you into some counseling and this would be very beneficial for you as well as your brother. Keep striving to be the best you can be and surround yourself with good friends you can trust. And talk about your feelings do not hold them in. I wish you the best. Good luck and God bless, I will keep you and your brother in my prayers. ****

Answer 2

Hi,

I am sorry about wot u r going thro, parents splitting is never easy, but always remeber it is never ur nor ur siblings fault thats this has happened.

It is always hard to except change, and we often punish ourselves in order to deal with it, Relationships are hard, especially when people have been together for a long time. We become lazy and expect people to stay the same as they were when we met them, sometimes is is as simple as, falling out of love. Which i more than likey wot happened in ur Dads case.

I understand u r angry with him, esp for flaunting it under ur noses, but i think that everyone is entitled to happiness, its just some people go about it all wrong.(namely ur dad)

If u think back to life when Dad was a t home was it happy? or did they argue and not get on very well? If this is the case then maybe it is best that ur mum and dad split as this isnt a good environment to bring kids up in.

I think u like ur mum need someone to talk to about how u r feeling, maybe if u confide in ur mum or dad or another relative, or even ur head of yeqar at school about how u r feeling and they can arrange some sort of counselling for u, or even ur gp cud help.

With the cutting of urself, i dont need to tell u that this is not a good thing to be doing, it can lead to infection and if taken too far cud really hurt u. I wud suggest trying to write down how u r feeling in a diary, that way all the emtions are on paper and not floating around in ur head making u feel sad. If u do feel like cutting urself, try getting a handful of ice and squeezing it, this gives u the same sort of feeling of release as cutting but will not harm u in the same way.

I wish u all the best for the future and remember it seems bad now but it will get better. Try to get some help x

Rx

Answer 3

I am really sorry for your predicament, I am happy that your mam is trying to get help by seeing a councillor,but you too, needs a lot of help and you will never get it if you do not ask, try to follow your mam to counselling as that will benefit both you and her explain to the councillor how you feel and the anger that you need to vent
anger management sessions will also help.
really you have to try and tackle the source of your irritation and the only way is to forgive your dad for whatever he has done to you and your mum,from there you will see that both you and your mum will be on a sure way to recovery

remember you may have lost your dad but you have each other once your mam realises that your dad has moved on and she has a better life to live it will not matter anymore , what dad did

the way to happiness is to love yourself first then you can get others to love you too

Answer 4

you need to change your way of thinking.positively recondition your mind.what you have undergone is bad,but thank the sky that worst did not occur.you have your parents being separated.accept it as a reality,for you are far better than those who have lost their parents.at least yours are alive.be brave.accept your share of pain,for every one has a sorrow in one way or the other.avoid having expectation,and that is where you get disappointment.never be self destructive.any thing you do physically wont be of great help.you have to change mentally.accept to live with a single parent,as being your sort.advise your mother in similar direction.be brave.take things lightly and as it comes.god will help you out to find peace.you always get calmness after a cyclone.trees that resist a cyclone become stronger.you are plunged in an emotional cyclone,and i am sure you would come out of it, emotionally stronger.so be determined,meditate that you would come out of it,change the frame of your mind,and the game is over.finally time is a great medicine,the best healer.time will sponge your sorrow.
every thing is the question of the MIND.

Answer 5

My parents split up when I was 19, it doesn't make it any easier whatever age you are. It's not easy to suggest this but have you tried calling on Jesus, I was healed of my pain when I met him. I expect there is a really great church near you (they aren't all bad, many actually do care about people and will help you whether or not you believe in god.) Keep hanging out with those friends that make you feel good about yourself, I'm glad you have stopped hurting yourself now.
Will give you link to churches I trust.

Answer 6

Hi darling!!

I am so sorry to hear about your misfortunes. I think you have already taken a great step to curb your anger, by reaching out for answers and help. It takes a lot of courage to seek advice, esp. in this kind of situation, because it is so close and personal. I know what this situation is like, but there was violence in my world!! The one thing I think you and your brother need to know for sure, is that none of this is your fault. When I think back to my own past, and just knowing what I know now... you will come to learn that sometimes "people" behave selfishly, and do not figure consequence's before their actions. I think that speaks for a lot of peoples parents and family life. We learn after each others mistakes. That is why i am telling you that you are a courageous person for even trying to reach out without shame. You must stop hurting yourself though!! I know it numbs the pain or something, but in the long run, it will wear you down and kill your spirit. I think the best way for you to kick your anger is to be strong for your mother and brother. You sound like a strong girl already (which pleases me greatly!!), and you sound like the responsible one at the moment. Every time you feel angry about your dad, do something good for your family. To be able to show you father how you all kept it together, is the biggest kick in the a-- you could give him. Believe me, I am sure he is doing that to himself. Think how much of a fool he will feel like when he see's his girl (you) ,looking at him for who he really is through mature eyes and with understanding of how stupid people can really be?

Darling, beleive me, He will never be able to look you in the eye the same way again... Show him and youself, that you got what it takes, to take care of yourselves and what it means to be selfless..

I really hoped this helped in some way... My heart is with you

Love

Answer 7

You’re not in a healthy state and what you are doing to yourself is really stupid. If you carry on like this will become one mental state that your are going to struggle to control. About your anger, it’s understandable, your father cheated on you mother and you hate the b@#@# that he is living with and deep down you hate him to. If you don’t want to see him, then don’t! It’s your right! Stop seeing him and pull yourself together and when the day come that you feel better see him again, not against your will. He made one big mistake and he can’t say anything if you don’t want to see him. About your mom, she is the grown-up she must help herself and her children. All you can do is to love her and don’t forget about your brother. Only time will heal and maybe its time to go and speak to someone you trust at school a teacher so that you can get help before its to late. Hope your bf is worth it and not some washout, because you need people who can influence you on a good way right now, you need it. Be strong and get rid of that anger because it doesn’t fit you. You need to forgive your father one day, because it will kill you inside if you don’t, when you ready so, but don’t wait till its to late

Answer 8

Listen kid your parents mess is not your falt. You have every reason to be mad and sad and a whole bunch of other stuff. You need to see a counsler of your own try at school or ask your Mom to help you find one. You dont have to give her the details just tell her you are having trouble dealing with all the feelings you are having over this issue. Good luck and feel free to email me any time to blow off some steam. ( Grama of 5)

Answer 9

Maybe you should talk to someone, maybe see a councillor to help you vent your anger. You shouldnt have to go through this on your own. I dont think kick boxing and karate are the answer, you will still feel bad after your classes. I reccomend you talk to someone who can help you.

Good luck

Answer 10

I just want to say that the best answer to your problem is GOD.You know sometimes people keep ignoring God but the truth is He is the only one we can trust. instead of hurting yourself accept the present situation and when you start accepting it, and then the healing will start. I myself also had a broken family, I used to be like you; now. I suggest you log on to www.trustcaster.com give it a try I know it will help you to a lot