How do I explain it to her?

Question

There's this lady I have to sit with at work. She is 50, going through the menopause and exclaims every half an hour that she is having a hot flush. She even says it to people on the phone "oh excuse me moment I am having a hot flush". It really grinds on my nerves. Plus, she co-ordinates all of her clothes and accessories, ie. bright orange false nails, with an orange hairband (yes she wears hairbands) and then orange top with orange lipstick, orange necklace orange earrings. It looks TERRIBLE and she does it with different colours every day. People tend to laugh at her. I know she must think she looks nice, but I am not being mean, she doesn't. How can I tell or show or hint to her to tone it down without hurting her feelings?! What a dilemma!!!

I'm really not being a b**** by the way! I don't think its nice for her to have people laughing about her behind her back, and I would like a way to tell her tactfully about both problems. Plus the rest of us have to freeze because she insists on having her window wide open all day, yet wears sweatshirts!!!! WHY?!

Answer 1

Dont bother just buy her a fan and a black top for christmas.

Answer 2

Is she actually harming anyone else? If she's happy why not leave her to it as saying something might cause offence and upset her (especially if she's cranky due to the menopause)? Otherwise, if you get on well with her, why not suggest going shopping together or you could talk about colours that go together rather than all co-ordinating (eg I saw someone wear a gorgeous red and black top with black trousers - I think I'm going to look for something like that). If her hot flushes are bad why not suggest getting a fan in the office to help her cool down? Be care - remember if you upset her you still have to work with her.

Answer 3

We had a similar dilema once with some one who wasnt clean and smelt BAD. In fact we've had this prob more than once. On both occassions thought to say something, some ppl dont take hints by the way and dont notice ppl avoiding them etc or laughing at them.

On the one hand you could say something and really upset her, or she could change her dressing but YOU might up feeling really bad since u know u made her change especially if she looks unhappy with the change.

Well now, if you really want to ask do it as poitely as possible but also think what if someone came over and critisiced ur dress sense. Ur style is part of YOU so if someone disses ur clothes ur hairstyle they are ultimately dissing YOU. I say, tell her you love how vibrant she dresses but you and other ppl feel she should tone down the lipstick as ppl laugh at her behind her back and only wear two colours that match such as tshirt and head band OR lipstick and bag OR bad and shoes and belt but not ALL at the same time.

If that fails come to work dressed as her and watch everyones reactions laughing at u then she might stop. But truthfully, when u check it out, its none of ur business but I know how u feel.

Answer 4

well u have a lot of interesting ans. to this, and i don't know if i can help, but the young ladies 50 she already just in her ways, i think you should let her march to her on drum it is OK to be different. if it bothers you that much tell her maybe she should add some color instead of the same from head to toe. I'm sure at 50 she doesn't care what people say. i bet she has family that tries all the time to change her. maybe you should get to know her better she may have a whole world of knowledge you over looked because of how she dresses.

Answer 5

If your friends then she would, or should understand your concern, but make sure it's not just you thinking this, she may be happy with what she wears, she might suggest that you need to look in a mirror, as far as the hot flush goes, tell her your getting one because she keeps on about it, as i said if she is a friend she will understand, and if your her friend than if you can't tell her then put up with it like a true friend would

Answer 6

She sounds exactly like a woman I used to have to work with - every day she was colour co-ordinated. One day she wore a lime green suit and actually wore matching lime green lipstick!

It's quite difficult to tell people that they have no fashion sense and she probably wouldn't take any notice if you did tell her - as you say, she thinks she looks good.

She probably isn't aware that people are laughing at her - ignorance is bliss maybe?

Answer 7

Leave her to it. The hot flushes wont last forever, and they are vile to put up with, her way of coping is to tell people about them, at least she tells you whats wrong, and does'nt leave you guessing! As for the clothing, thats her choice. Maybe she dislikes what you wear but is too polite to say so? What i;ve said sounds really harsh, but come on, live and let live!

Answer 8

Shes probably been like this all her life , apart from the hot flushes, just leave her be ... shes obviously happy to wear these things and who are we to judge ?

live and let live ... no one is perfect !!

Answer 9

Well maybe you need to just take her to the mall and show her what looks right on people now and the new trends for older people and she may like them . And about her finger anils you need to just tell her that looks unattractive to yourself and others.

Answer 10

Just jokily say, I don't think people want to know about your hot flushes!

With her clothes again, just in a jokey way say " core I'm going to need some sunglasses to talk to you, we're not in the 60's anymore!"

Answer 11

i wouldnt its not worth causing that trouble at work, and as long as she is happy then leave her and forget it. its not like ur going out with her etc.
and as far as hot flushes are concerned just be greatful its her and not u, and maybe thats just the ways she copes with it.