should we separate?

Question

me and my wife have been married for 10 yrs she has recently lost a lot of weight but before this we were very happy she now tells me she doesnt fancy me any more and doesnt no if she wants to be with me she can be very nasty to me with words which in turn causes me to get very moody and hurt i have tried talking but it seems she doesnt want to know i have asked if there is anyone else which she says there isnt i sometimes feel that we should try and work it out perhaps its a phaze but she left her first husband for exactly the same reason

Answer 1

NO

Answer 2

Seems like there is a sort of pattern there.. She has low self esteem when she is bigger but when she loses the weight her confidence goes up and she feels she does not need you anymore as she did with her first hubby.. Sorry to say I bet she has noticed more male attention too, possibly she is loving it.. Maybe she wasn't really happy when she was bigger but just felt that she couldn't get anyone else..? This sounds harsh I know and I am sorry as I might be totally wrong but all I would say is try and talk to her.. If she is not willing to communicate then I think you know what the best thing would be to do.. Good luck

Answer 3

sounds to me like once the 1st sparkle has gone she wants that back, the sparkle that you get when you meet someone new.
some people are like that. some women cant cope with settled routines and contentment. you don't say if you have any children?. because its unfair on children to uproot their lives just because she does not 'fancy ' you. but anyway were missing the point: if she doesn't ' fancy you' and there is no way you cant new things maybe change routine a bit, which she does not want that then you are stumped. don't waste your time and stay with someone who is horrible to you. someone who does not love you, leave get your own place and start living your own life, don't jump into a new relationship (which I'm sure you wont) sometimes if you leave and show your new found happiness and Independence women find that attractive, and she may realize what she has lost. but you stick to your guns, as because she has done it b4 your onto a loosing battle anyway, and if you do have kids try and work it out nicely i hate kids getting affected. someone with her history can not be trusted

Answer 4

She probably needed you more for emotional support and depended on your attention when she was bigger, she may have been feeling depressed and felt unconfident and was holding alot of resentment inside, perhaps towards you in some ways. She has done well to loose weight and as she feels more confident, you feel slightly abandoned and confused and feel she doesnt need you in the same way as before. I would remind her that you fell in love with the person, not her weight and although you are pleased for her, she needs to realise that there are two people in this relationship, and support works both ways.

Answer 5

You have'nt mentioned her age and if you have kids. Assuming she is already in her 40s , she could be going thru' some mid-life crisis. But that need not be the only or the correct reason for her current behaviour. If she is a person who has the tendency to lose interest in her spouse/partner after some years then she needs counselling. She could be facing some psychological issues. I suggest you leave her alone and provide her some counselling and see if things improve. If there's no improvement you have the liberty to leave her, move on and find some one who cares for your needs.

Answer 6

shes acting like that because she lost alot of weight and shes feeling very good . she feel so beautiful from the outside so she thinks that everyone will look at her and ask for his number, u tell her one thing, tell her that you stayed with her and you encouraged her for her weight loss and you didn't care if shed fat or thin as long that u r happy together , i might be wrong about this so first of all ask her the reason why she changed, don't separate because 10 years isn't a short time , tell her how much u love her and care for her and you will do whatever she wants to please her . i wish u good luck

Answer 7

Only you will know whats best....
I recently went thru a similar thing, my partner told me after 8 yrs that he doesn't feel the same about me.(I have found out tho that he was cheating and I found condoms in his wallet)
I stil love him, prob because we have been together so long but when someone tells u that they don't luv u or feel the same it kills u but I could never go back cos I would be wasting my time on someone who doesn't luv me and I feel that I deserve much more as do you....x

Answer 8

First of all, I am so sorry for your ordeal. I know someone who works with my husband who has gone exactly through this recently. His wife lost a pile of weight - I mean, over 100 pounds - and she said the same things to him and one day POOF - she was gone. This was her second marriage too, and she was in her 40's - they seemed to be a great couple but I guess she was going through a midlife crisis. The poor guy is in shambles, I feel so sorry for him, and he is a great man too. All I can say is watch out, losing that much weight can yes, be a life changing event that might mess with one's mind, and she is probrably experiencing attention like she has not in years. And for her to put you down like that, it is not only cruel, but it might indicate that she has someone else in the sidelines. Don't allow yourself to be put down, talk to her and try to work things out, but your self respect is worth so much more. Good luck to you, I wish you true happiness in your future!

Answer 9

history repeating itself it seems,if she left 1st husband 4 the same reason,yes you have been married 4 a long time but if it has run its course n uv tried talking you are floggin a dead horse,maybe the novelty has worn off and she is beta suited to leading a single life wear ud probably get on beta as friends coz mayb thats what she now sees you as,and being nasty to u could b her way of saying " i love u but im not in love with u i need space n me being hurtful is my way of showing it"tho it mite not b the rite way or grown up way of doing it

Answer 10

As soon as someone starts to devalue you, its best to leave and let them be.
I was in a sitaution where I tried to "ride" it out. All that happened was that her abuise increased, my self confidence waned and she went onto sleep with some guy in a club.

If you do leave it may give her a chance to value what she has lost and as they say: If you love something let it go, if it comes back then it will always be yours. If it doesn't C'est la vie.

Answer 11

Sorry but I think you 'd better separate. Give your wife some time to be herself. Then she will tell you what she wants. I once have been that way (your wife). But seemed that my husband had not understood me yet till now. Good luck!