My son and DIL are married just over a year. they have a sweet baby and seem so much in love. I have a wonderful relationship with my DIL. Last night she called to tell me that my son is having an affair with another woman. What a fool he is! I'm so angry at him for throwing his little family away like this. DIL is coming to us, and I'm taking her side. I wonder how much should I even get involved. Our son is an idiout, but he is our son. What should I do?
2006-11-21 20:46:07 · 21 answers · asked by bluebyou 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As mad as you may be at your son for his bad behaviour, he is your son and may need the support and love of his family more than ever right now. I suggest (as others) you advise him that if he is having an affair, it is simply not a good thing for anybody (whatever his reaons, he is hurting his wife and will likely hurt the other women too) and that he should get some help (let him decide if he wants the help from you).
I think its important that you let him know that you still love him,but you really think he is making a mistake and you are afraid for him that he is ruining his life.
At all costs though do not side with our DIL and shelter her as the victim of your son. Support her, comfort her but don't join sides with her as this will only alienate your son and make him feel even worse about what he has done, perhaps driving him to seek more comfort from the other women, making things worse.
2006-11-21 21:07:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Let not go to the end yet. Please call on three of you,seat down and talks friendly as mom,son and dil. See where go wrong at the first place that he has an affair out side. Things may change good if the reason was known.All the best. God Bless All.
2006-11-21 21:02:26 · answer #2 · answered by Cindy L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are concerned mother and mother-in-law. A few MIL would be on their son's side, blaming the DIL. I suggest you speak to your son alone at first as he might not be open enough when your DIL is around. I suggest you get involved as much as you can to help sort this out, also in this day and age there is Aids and you might serve him from dying together with your heartbroken DIL. I wish you all the best.
2006-11-21 20:55:14 · answer #3 · answered by Joker 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mother-in-LAW a word of advice is you shouldn't take sides on this!. Getting involved in your son's MESS will lead to a break down in the relationships of everyone involved.
You can show compassion and empathy to your DL but don't add fuel to the already festering fire by giving her your opinions or advice. Just be a listening ear------
When your dear sweet son shows up to tell his side of the story and when the door is opened for you to FIRE out the RAGE you're probably having----ONCE he opens his mouth then you can say your PEACE with your son----
Ask yourself---what is going on in their home to make your son stray? How does you DL know he's having an affair? Is this your problem? You have many unanswered parts that are missing on this matter----
Try your best not to get involved!!
2006-11-21 22:34:32 · answer #4 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It happened to me and every one of my husband's family took my side - my husband understood though, as he was in the wrong. I stayed with him (long story, there were extenuating circumstances) and we're all ok. His family all told him he was a fool, etc... It depends on your son's maturity level and if he can admit he was wrong.
In the long run, you are allowed to give your opinion. But, I wouldn't lecture or turn your back on him. Let him know you're disappointed in him, etc but that you still love him....and definitely show your support to your DIL. The best thing you can do is pray for them and maybe suggest couple's counseling. I wouldn't have made it through that time without so many people praying for me and relying on God. Good luck with this....it can tear families apart ... and it can bring them closer together!
2006-11-21 21:10:53 · answer #5 · answered by schaianne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry I have to disagree with most. My son cheated on his pregnant wife. He divorced her right after she gave birth. They also have an 18 month old child.
NO NO NO - don't let your son off the hook. He did wrong...plain and simple. Why suggest parents should be sensitive to their adult children's feelings, while they in turn tore apart a family for another woman? Where were the feelings for his/her own wife and kids?
I've had to accept his decision, but he must also accept the consequences of his decision. My son is not permitted to bring lady guests around me or our family. Because an infant and toddler are involved, I have changed my will to include my grandchildren in lieu of my son (their father.)
My DIL and grandchildren are welcome to every family event, dinner, wedding, etc. My son may choose to attend or not.
Cruel? maybe. but nothing is crueler than giving your babies up for another woman.
2016-05-25 09:16:19 · answer #6 · answered by Christine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try to stay neutral, after all they will probably make up later and you don't want any friction between you and your son. I would comfort her and tell her that you sympathize with her pain without smack talking about your son. I would take him aside in private and tell him what you think but only to him and in private. I would also make clear to your son that you are not going to badmouth him to his wife (you don't want to make matters worse or perhaps deter them from making amends so that the child will have the benefit of both his or her parents) and after all most women do forgive their husbands for cheating at least more often than when the shoe is on the other foot, especially when they are married and have a child. So tell your son that you are not going to badmouth him tohis wife, but also tell him that he needs to end the affair and begin with the utmost urgency to kiss his wifes butt and beg her to take him back. Thats my advice. Hope it helps. Good luck and I am really sorry that your family is going through this, just know that families go through worse and survive in spite of it all.
2006-11-21 20:54:43 · answer #7 · answered by Christchild2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there for your grandchild, dont let your son, do this to his family, talk to him, because he could lose his family over cheating, ask him, this , is losing your family worth losing you family, that care so much about you. Oh and the DIL, if she takes him back hes going to do it again, because she let him get away with it the first time.
2006-11-21 20:49:58 · answer #8 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I applaud you because so many parents side with their children whether they are right or wrong. Your son is wrong but I don't think that you should get too involved. I think that it is ok to support your daughter in law and for you to be upset with your son but I do not think that your involvement will make matters much better because your son is a grown man and he will do whatever it is that he wants to do and this matter may alienate him from you. It is ok however to let him know that you are aware of what is going on and that you do not agree with what he is doing.
2006-11-21 22:05:48 · answer #9 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it were me, I would probably at least talk to him and maybe try to convince him to work on the relationship. Find out if he is still in love with his wife and if so suggest they go for some kind of counseling. You have a very lucky daughter-in-law to have you as a Mother-in-law! It is wonderful she will be able to lean on you for support and insight though this very difficult time.
2006-11-21 20:51:17 · answer #10 · answered by Nickie N 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋