I met this lady (from Sri Lanka - fine by me by the way!) at the bus stop about 3 years ago (she lives a couple of streets away from me). We've been out together socially twice (my iniation). I usually only see her say once every 6 weeks or so, but when I do see her, she always has some remark. Once, another friend of mine and I went to see a ballet and when I told this Sri Lankan lady, she said, "Typical English interest is ballet". I said nothing in response. On another occasion, she said to me, "You get everything on a plate". To pre-judge me like this is not on. She knows nothing about my insecure/unstable background in which to pass judgment. What should I say/do? If I do get as she quotes "everything on a plate", it's only because I've had to do all the hard work myself without any support and I make the most of myself.
2006-11-21 19:43:46 · 16 answers · asked by Say It Like You Mean It 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Its typical of someone who feels inadequate in their own acheivements and ability to get bitter about the lot they have provided for themselves and go around accusing other people of having it easy. It over shouts the voice in their heads telling them that they are not doing enough for themselves. I would let her know that you find that comment offensive and ask her what facts she bases that on, and if she doesn't retract or make a good effort to apologise then she is not a friend and I'd leave her to stew in her own bitterness.
2006-11-21 21:00:49 · answer #1 · answered by crownose 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Everyone is offended by others' comments sometimes. Perhaps she didn't know that her comment offended you. Or, it also occurs to me that it could be possible that, even though you've had to work hard in your life, her life has been hard too. Maybe the two of you just need to get to know each other better, and then you'll have more to talk about.
Frankly, I'm not sure why you would be offended by her generalization that English people like ballet -- this seems pretty harmless. Is it because you don't like generalizations on principle? Is it because you don't want to be like other English people?
2006-11-21 19:47:41 · answer #2 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you know how hard it is from someone with a poor background to have a good life and a job and all now add the fact that you're not English and it becomes ten times worse. I'm not sayin you didn't have it hard up but so does she. so her opinion is a bit biased she probably grew up hearing about it from other friends relatives and parents that told her that the english "get everything handed to them on a plate."
I know you don't like her comments and maybe you should have a word with her bout it the next time you meet her. try to do it tactfully explain you don't like her comments very much and see what she says, though if she keeps at you you might want to consider how much time you want to spend with a person who keeps bringing you down.
Good luck ; )
2006-11-21 21:25:53 · answer #3 · answered by Genipher17 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You dont see her very often so its not really a problem, although annoying. Next time dont volunteer any information about what you have been doing so she has nothing to comment on.
You could ask her to elaborate. For example, if she was to say 'You get everything on a plate'..... you say 'How so?' and then counter reply to everything she says, proving you work for what you have.
She sounds insecure herself and negative. I would avoid her if i were you. If you see her coming, go the other way or just say 'Hi, sorry must rush!' or something.
2006-11-21 19:51:22 · answer #4 · answered by Caroline 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you know what she's going to say next time you meet up with her. Do you like this woman, besides her comments? If so, practise being assertive.
Ask a question: "Do you really think so?" to give yourself time to think and also to listen to what she's actually saying.
Then say: "I don't agree because ...."
We feel so offended by rude people because they feel they have the right to insult us and because we're not prepared, we allow them to get away with it. You're lucky enough to know that this woman has a problem. You'll feel stronger and more in control when you address her comments directly and your friendship will be more equally balanced.
2006-11-21 20:02:24 · answer #5 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
[If I do get as she quotes "everything on a plate", it's only because I've had to do all the hard work myself without any support and I make the most of myself.]
Tell her that!
2006-11-21 19:52:25 · answer #6 · answered by Kridwen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
remove this person from your life. She's clearly bitter and jealous and will likely as not take advantage of you at some point because "you have everything on a plate".
Ditch the *****
2006-11-21 22:23:06 · answer #7 · answered by charlie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time she makes one of her comments,challenge her by saying,'What makes you say that?' Then you need to tell her that her generalisations aren't appreciated-that you'd rather be judged on your own merits than be lumped into a category. She probably has no idea she's offended you in any way.
2006-11-21 19:51:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell her all that. That she's an really good singer so she must believe herself to do properly. tell her there is no longer something to be annoying about and there'll be many extra opportunities to reveal of her expertise.
2016-11-29 08:57:54 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds rude, judgmental and prejudiced. That's her problem, not yours - always be polite but don't waste your time trying to be friends with her.
Life is too short to spend with bitter people.
2006-11-21 19:46:52 · answer #10 · answered by lozatron 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋