How do I stop hitting my wife....?

Question

Me and my wife have been fighting alot lately over marriage stuff. I have been taking my anger out on her and it usually ends with a slap to her face. I dont mean to hit her its just the alcohol and her voice that do it. I love my wife but if the police are called again I will be arrested and in this state 3 domestic abuses is prison time. How do I collect myself in these situations and is it possible to have her arrested for tryin to hit me???

Answer 1

I'd try a trial separation. it would be difficult for you but look at the benefits:

1. Your wife has time to recooperate (sp?) and get her feelings in order

2. They say time makes the heart grow fonder. Without her, you'll realize what you have. Maybe then you can reflect on your past actions and see how being alone feels, only you may be in a motel and not in a jail cell.

3. Your wife will see the effort you're making to better yourself and hopefully give you another chance (as well as saving your reputation, if things don't work out and you're on your own again)

4. You can use the time alone to read books and get self-help in the meantime. You'll have lots of pillows to punch if you still need to get anger out (just watch the hotel walls, heh heh).

5. Since marriage was the cause of stress, maybe now you can dedicate time to things you used to do that made you happy before you got married but that you couldn't do once you did get married. You don't have to be home by a certain time, so you an go bowling, start going to the gym (also a great stress reliever), hang out with some buddies you haven't seen, just start taking care of yourself mentally and physically for once. Sure you won't have your wife to come home to, so this may go back to missing her more. You have to find a balance.

6. Remember the first time you looked into each others eyes, or the nervousness either of you had on your first date? Howabout that first kiss? Firsts are sometimes awkward or sometimes full of great memories. I'd sure miss my girlfriend more if I imagined her being happy with someone else. I had one ex girlfriend where there were times this was for the better as I realized I took the relationship for granted and complained too much , but if I had appreciated it more, maybe be comfortable with the relationship without going into a routine, then her and i might still be back together. Right now I'm living with the folks at 33 years old, without a car and a job, and my current girlfriend of 1 years still looks at me like I'm hot. Probably because I still take the time to talk to her and tell her how much I appreciate her understanding and friendship, that she knows I'm doing my best to find a job.

Whatever you do I hope you make the right decision, and I hope you and your family have a safe and filling Thanksgiving.

Answer 2

Ok first off there is no real excuse to hit a woman, you should feel very ashamed of yourself for this. If she really does continue to get you to the point of where you feel you need to act out violently, then you need to leave her. Until you can step up and be a real man by not responding to her in violence you need to take some time to yourself and seek some anger management counseling, that is unless you really want to do prison time. Don't blame the alcohol or her voice, acting out violently has something to do with you and not the booze.

Answer 3

For starters you need to remove the alcohol. This just intensifies the situation. You also need to communicate with eachother. communication is the foundation to any relationship. If you are not able to control your temper then seek anger mangement help. Otherwise walk away and out of the room/house before the boiling point is too far. No one should ever hit anyone. Violence does not solve anything. If it did then you would not be here asking the question! No one deserves abuse of any nature!
If you love her at all then you will do it and make it right.

Answer 4

It is very hard to stop hitting, and it takes courage. Admitting that it is wrong is a good first step. Get to some counseling, sometimes a pastor will do it for free. Learn to practice time outs, just like one would do for a child. When the shouting starts leave the room and calm down. use 3 minutes times your age. She also should agree to this if she wants to help make it better. Good Luck.

Answer 5

As said before, you are in need of some anger management courses and to join some AA meetings. You've already admitted that when you drink alcohol you lose control. And the only way to stop abusing her physically is to leave her. So if you truely love her leave her now, get some help for your addictions, and try to maintain a friendly relationship with her. Good luck!

Answer 6

Look, I appreciate that you asked this very serious question. I think the first thing you should do is remove yourself from this situation. If you truly love her, then you must take drastic measures to fix this problem. Find another place to stay, even if it's a friends sofa.

Tell her you love her and want to get help. Then get help. There are probably programs to help with counseling if money is an issue, but you definitely need professional intervention.

Don't try to convince yourself that you can do this without outside help. We ALL need help sometimes. It's time to be a man and do what's right. Good luck.

Answer 7

Well, ummm....I usually try to be nice in situations like this, but, for some reason, I'm having a tough time finding 'nice' words for you. First off, your name halfway says it. I don't know what your meaning is, but, my meaning of the 1st word is the definition of 'you', DOPE! Why in the world are you asking total strangers a question like that?? I know we are not supposed to judge, lest we be judged (Matthew 7:1), but, lordy, mister. Here are a few tips from someone that grew up with an alcoholic father that beat the living dog doo out of my Mother, just about every other day. LOSE THE ALCOHOL!! If you truly, in your heart, want to stop abusing your wife, you will have to complete this step. And, when I said 'truly, in your heart, want to stop', I was referring to the last part of your question..."is it possible to have her arrested for tryin to hit me". That gives me a little clue as you may be looking for help with your problem, but, if a 'way out' comes along first, you'll take it. Now, I don't mean to be negative, but, your words tell off on you. Your question was "how do I stop hitting my wife"...&, going back to your last statement, you want to try to have her arrested for TRYIN' to hit you??? Hello!! Are you in there?? It's pretty obvious you're having doubts regarding how you want this relationship to end. You're getting the job done, Sir! You ARE hitting her. And, if I were in a marriage as you've described yours, I wouldn't be just 'tryin' to hit you back. I'd let you know, real quick, that your "boozin & abusin" days were over. And that I wasn't taking anything from you ever again. You'd better get help quickly, please, for both of y'alls sakes. Spousal abuse can escalate so fast, you could do something to your wife that no words, deeds, or prayers could bring her back to you. If you don't mind, when I talk to my Father tonight, I'd like to say a few words for your family. He'll make it ok...He can fix any problem if we just ask him. Lord Bless You! Take care of your family (wife). She's a gift to you from God. Please treat her that way. Every marriage has difficulties, but, not all have to take the path yours did. It's not too late... :)

Answer 8

You have to admit that it isn't your wife you're angry at, it's past hurts that you are afraid to admit, or reluctant to admit, or are trying to avoid admitting, and over all these years the anger has built up. Normal healthy people get angry, but it comes and goes without a slap to the face, or worse. You have to work on yourself before you hurt someone else, and hiding from yourself is the reason you drink too much. This book could help you if you're of a mind: "Emotional Resilience" by David Viscott MD. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0517888254/

Answer 9

It is very hard to be so in love with somebody where you actually let them make you mad enough to hit them. But this is unacceptable no matter if you were drinking or not. You might just want to go ahead and stop drinking, especially, if you always get violent when you drink. Move out for a little while and only be around her when you all are out in public. Definitely, start marriage counseling. When your therapist has helped you for sure then see if you can repair the damage. Your loved one will always remember you hitting her. It will hurt forever. She might not be able to forget, but maybe you and change and let her forgive

Answer 10

Well if you well love your wife you would not slap her face and she has the right to call the police the one way for her to quite call the police is for you to give up your alcohol and no you cant have her arrested for tr yin to hit you