i wish i didnt have such a low self esteem?

Question

i have such low self worth a very low opinion of myself where i just dont feel good enough or worthy of the oppisite sex, i know certaintly that this comes from my history where i was bullied and taunted at school and couldnt fit in high school. also me and my mum had a close relashionship and still do growing up and my mum as a young woman suffered from low self esteem and was a private woman and i feel because i was so close, it rubbed of on me...but im 29 now and im just wondering is there a way to overcome such low self worth where you dont feel good enough for any girl?ive been picked on alot in my life and told in one way or another i wasnt as good as them or good at all or worth loving or liking and i really struggle with it now..anyone no ways to overcome this? can it be overcome?

Answer 1

wow, you are my alter ego. i have to say i am struggling with exactly the same thing only i am lucky enough to have found a man i love and loves me yet i don't know how he loves me...just for the same reason you stated above. i wish i had advice for you other than keep your chin up...i am sure you are one of the "good" guys like my husband and can be a great boyfriend to someone because you know the importance of treating a person with respect and dignity. (i can only assume being that you say you were treated without any from others so that you would likely follow the golden rule as well...do unto others as you would have done unto you")

Answer 2

In one sense, you say you are so picky over the type of woman you want...leading me to wonder just how low your self esteem is...is it really that low? Most people with severe low self esteem would not push others aside when friends are so desparately needed. I think you have too much time on your hands and should start thinking about the feelings of others for a change. I have read all of your questions, and very rarely do they concern anything but you you you....I do hope you get well..but it seems that you are letting others compliment and sooth you all day long and you are not doing anything beyond that to help yourself...it has to come from within. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself and decide to get up from there once and for all and move on.

Answer 3

Try to find her a new boyfriend. Maybe take her out to get a makeover. She may even need the help of a professional if she can't get over her self image. As a friend, you could suggest that. If you do end up dating this guy, make sure she's ok with it first, or you probably will lose her as a friend.

Answer 4

Of course you can. With the help of a good counselor, and the daily influence of wise people like Dr. Phil McGraw, Dr. James Dobson, New Life Live radio braodcast (and their seminar "Healing Is A Choice", which I so want to do myself). These are the re-parenting and the reclaiming your mind and identity from the flaws in those formative years.
I remember when I first began counseling, I told my counselor that no matter how much hard work and pain was involved, I was determined to stop living out of my past. That kind of healing is so worth it. And at first I would frequently remind myself "This is worth it." I knew I'd experience pain in life anyway, but I wanted it to be the kind that brings healing & changes unproductive & skewed patterns of living and relating.
After about a year, I noticed that I had begun telling myself "You are worth it".
Wow, what a reflection of the changes going on in my heart and soul when someone trained and wise was willing to help me realize the truth in my past, to understand the reasons for some of the painful treatment from significant others in my life, and especially that given what I had to work with, my reactions were totally normal. And learning newer, healthier, life-giving ways to now respond to life.
I bnegan to value & respect myself in new ways, to gain confidence, even learning how to handle social challenges in appropriatly wise ways, a big thing I never was taught before.
There is so much hope in facing your pain, you will not lose your mind to grief, and it just gets better the more you work toward the gaol.
Being careful who I trusted my heart and spirit with, I made phone calls to some of the most solid, respected Christian churches in my area. One counselors name came up more than the rest.
I called and did a little interview on the phone, told them I was shopping for a good counselor.
The one I chose was the only one who laughed, and the only one who asked that I phone back to say what I had chosen. It was a process of narrowing it down from 7 to 5 to 3 to that one, and I have been so grateful so many times.
Take this blessing, the desire to change, continue to be proactive with it & pursue this avenue of assisted growth. You will be so happy that you did, and you will discover someone really neat-You!

Answer 5

Theres a book called 'the little book of confidence' by Susan Jeffers. get it, it really helps you out infact all the books she has written help you deal with self esteem and confidence issues.

I have had to deal with these issues most of my life and i'm 30 now, it worries me that the way i behave will rub on to my daughter, which is why i decided to make the change in my life to make sure she never has to feel the way i do.

You are good enough, you just need to believe that you are good enough for anyone. Never believe someone that tells you that they are better than you, inside they feel just as bad as you, and are using you to make themselves feel better.

Go to Susan's site Susanjeffers.com

she really does help.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I admire your honesty and the fact that you are open enough to share this, thats a good start. You are worthy of love and the fact that you are intelligent and warm is a credit to you. I think you have to realise that although its been emotionally painfull and the earlier years have affected you, you are now the one in control, nobody wants you to suffer and the taunts you recieved were from people who were immature and fickle,you were probably one of many of their victims who were affected by similar bullying.

Answer 7

You need to change the way you think about yourself literally.

Listen to your thoughts, I'd bet that they are negative. I'm too tall, too scrawny, too fat, too stupid, too... and the list goes on. I know it sounds stupid but you have to stop doing that to yourself. Every time you think something negative about yourself you have to tell yourself 'No, I am .../ I can do ...' whatever the opposite is.

I know it sounds stupid and I'm not saying that you should believe that you are the dog's bollocks but it will help you see yourself as just another human being. Not perfect, not rubbish, just so.

I've been doing it for a while now and it really does help. The important part is cutting out those negative thoughts because no one puts them there but you and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Good luck

Answer 8

C.B.T could help, a good book for this is "managing your mind" I forget who wrote it.
Other things to do could be to list off the +ves in your life everyday, like a mantra, to put you in a more positive frame of mind.
Get active, do sports, join a club, sounds rubbish but works wonders.
Hope you shake this, I'll bet there is no real reason for you to feel badly about yourself.

Answer 9

If you can afford it, have Hypnotherapy. I have no idea how it works, but I had two sessions and somehow it released the problem and taught me how to lead life with a new 'head' on.

Take no notice of bullies - especially the ones here - those people have to find some means to assert themselves because they have bigger problems than you do. Keep feeling sorry for those people and they will never bother you.

Good luck!

Answer 10

You could try Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It works for many people but, unfortunately, has a relatively low success rate where problems originate from childhood