We're only year and a half married. We havent had sex in over a month. He says he's not happy in the marriage anymore, he says its not fun anymore. I know he still loves me but he's like a little boy and doesnt realise marriage takes work. He's just smoking weed and working. He knows i hate him smoking weed, mainly because my ex went into an assylum for smoking too much. Dont know wat to do. He seems to want to choose weed over me. I dont wanna be in a marriage without passion and sex or fire for the rest of my life, but i love him alot and want to make this work. Dont wanna nag him either to talk about it, so wat do i do? He's 11 years older, im 25 and not ugly... dont know wat happened. i'm usually the one being romantic, he doesntt put much effort in but he shows his love in other ways.. We havent spoke in few days now.
2006-11-21 19:09:04 · 12 answers · asked by Lady 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What did you expect when you married someone who smokes weed? You have had experience with this type before in another marriage yet you married another weed smoker. I'd say you got what you asked for.
2006-11-21 19:13:10 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I actually know someone who is going through this same problem you are.
Like any drug, even if it's pot, by the sounds of it he has smoked it for so long that it has become a way of life for him and therefore a addiction.
If he's willing to chose that over you, it might be because he can't come to terms with his addiction.
I can't offer any real help here, as from what I've seen from the people I know. The wife chose to let him smoke his pot, and didn't nag at him because of it. They are still together now, and for the most part, near as happy as they can get.
Your spouse should be choosing you over his weed. This is crap.
But if he's able to keep a job, then maybe you should be thankful for that. I've seen people who've had a lot worse problems, like
crackhead fathers, abusive drunk fathers, ect.
He's not responsive to you because he feels threatened by you about your disapproval toward his habit. He also feels like you are controlling him, since he is an adult, and trying to tell him what to do. Anything you say about his problem, will probably just keep pushing him further away.
You gotta ask yourself if he is the person you really want to spend your life with despite his shortcomings? It's obvious he's unwilling to change.
Oh yeah, you can't go insane for smoking weed. Weed can contribute to problems with a already ill mind. So try not to compare your ex to him, if you guys happen to argue.
2006-11-21 19:19:22 · answer #2 · answered by jay_p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you are going through that, I myself endure a similar situation. I love my husband, I will be here for him until my every attempt he rejects. I never thought I would say those words, I have always been the type of girl to not put up with any bull. I put up with it because I see he has changed some, but only hope he will continue. If you have not seen any change, especially if he is 35!! He will regret it. Maybe if you just moved in with a friend for a couple of weeks, if he does not waste away without you or atleast ask for you to come home, then you will know he does not care. Maybe he is just taking things for granted and it is in your power to take it away just so he can realize what he had. He could even see what it is like to be away from you and say he will try to work things out if you just come home. I wish you the best.
2006-11-21 19:32:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pot is not the problem. Many people smoke it and have good relationships. The problem is him, he has become bored in his relationship with you and is not enjoying being married. Be honest with yourself, this is not love. Love is about giving, but it can't be a one way street. He sounds very immature and probably has serious issues with depression. I bet you're not his first wife either. These kind of men have trouble staying committed in a relationship. He will not change, and nagging him will only make matters worse. If you try to make it work, it will ultimately drag you down. You got to get out of this relationship and find a guy who will give you the love and passion you deserve. Honey, there are plenty of men who would give you everything to see you smile. You are very young, and it's time to move on . . . good luck!
2006-11-21 19:33:48 · answer #4 · answered by beautyofthesea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
things w2ont get better the age difference is why he has been turned off because at his age that happens,your still young and need adventure and romance and be treated and swept off your feet every day,he is to comfortable and feels like he doesnt need to try,he doesnt get it,i cant say you two are really in love because after only a year and a half things should be on cloud nine still,perhaps the two of yoi are just drifting apart and need to move on with your own lives and find true happiness
2006-11-21 19:31:24 · answer #5 · answered by treatau 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a couple of choices:
1. Couples counseling. My guess is that he won't go. Marijuana does that to people.
2. Divorce.
3. Let things go on as they are.
4. Confront him. Let him know that things can't continue in this way.
You have roughly 50-60 years of life still to go. Is this what you want to do for the next half century?
2006-11-21 19:14:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anon Tom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am wondering are you in love with him or just in love him there is a difference. You can love someone but not be in love with them. Sounds like you love him but maybe you are not really in love anymore. Saddly this happens alot, i mean look at the divorce rate. Seak councling but if hes not willing and it just is not getting better then maybe you need ot think about if its over?
2006-11-21 19:13:11 · answer #7 · answered by mommyblues78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, he needs to get some drug rehab of some sort. for starters.
haha... my husband said that he was going to date me until it wasn't fun anymore... until we got into a fight two years into our relationship. i taught him that if you stick to that sort of a view on relationships then you will NEVER have a long-lasting relationship! we have both learned that relationships take work- from both ends. people do fall in & out of love within a relationship. that is just the way things go. the trick is to learn how to revive & work on things to get it back to how it should be.
i suggest trying to see a marriage counselor too... i ask that he at least gives you that...
2006-11-21 19:12:34 · answer #8 · answered by christy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Meet me online, and let's get to know one another. I don't smoke weed, I care about a woman's pleasure.
There are many men, myself included, who would love to distract you from your loneliness, to enjoy a good time together.
There are many fish in the sea. Don't waste time trying to squeeze juice out of one sardine.
2006-11-21 19:11:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Give him time.
He may have challenges at his work too.
Be nice to him, communicate with him, show him your love.
There are many ways to show love..... one way is just to make presence felt around him, not necessary sex all the times...
Be patient.
All the best!
2006-11-21 19:15:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋