why am i not sexually attracted to husband anymore?

Question

have been married for 2 yrs. within this past year me and my husband have had sex about 12 times. this has also been a bad year for my family. I have lost 3 family members with in a 3 month time. one being my little brother who was 11. I find my mind tends to wonder as to why him every night when i go to bed. I work till midnight and when i leave for work he is still at work. when i get home he is sleep. but this has been going on before i got this shift. we are in our 20s. I also lay in bed and think about another man whom i have no contact with just someone i use to have a crush on. i think of this to distract my mind from thinking of my recent lost and also the possibility of the lost of another family member who is suffering from cancer. my husband thinks i don't want to give it to him. I am just not turned on even though i still love my husband. I also think it may be that he doesn't communicate with me well and he only wants sex not touching & foreplay. Pls help b4 he cheats

Answer 1

It may be simplistic to suggest that all the stresses you've had, & are having, contribute to your lack of desire for him, yet it could be a PART of it. I wonder if he's at all sensitive to what you're going through--if all he thinks is that you just "..don't want to give it to him" he certainly doesn't SOUND very sensitive. Was he "ever" a really good lover? Since you are both so very young, perhaps he hasn't "learned" that sex is a beautiful, total experience; that pleasing YOU should be sincerely important to him. It's a "mutual" experience, when you simply flow, & sense each other's needs. I truly hope you don't consider trying (& I do mean TRYING!) to "give" him sex for fear he'll "cheat" on you. That could be the worst thing you could do to YOURSELF --& him. I think you need some space, & he needs to be understanding of this. If this forces him to "cheat" I don't believe you'll have lost a man worth having.

Answer 2

It sounds like you may be suffering from mild depression or possibly some anxiety due to the recent loss that you've experienced. Also, your husband and you haven't been making time for eachother. You have to do this to keep your relationship healthy. Plan some time and ask your husband to do the same. Do things that you both enjoy and it will build your relationship back up again. Talk to your husband about your worries and how you feel about the family members who have died. You might want to look into a few sessions with a counsellor as well.

Answer 3

Sometimes relationships hit a plateau where the desires drop way below comfortable, but I believe you can get this back with some effort, but you need to be honest with each other or your not going to make it, and a marriage should be worth the effort. let your partner know that you feel the spark has gone from the marriage and you want to put it back with his help. The reason your attraction goes is because you know to much and see the same about and from each other it no longer hits your nerves that excite you, so try changing the house around and maybe get a new bed and go on holiday together, these things will remind you why you fell in love in the first place, bring back your youth again and fool around, don't take each other to seriously, play around and start having fun, you will find things change inside you quickly if you start enjoying life together again, good luck,x

Answer 4

You are undergoing too much stress and the trauma of your grief is really affecting your marriage. If you want to save your marriage, you really have to work hard at this. And it seems that you need professional help. If you don't get into marriage counselling or a counsellor for yourself, you'll end up with a failed marriage and please don't do that...please give yourself the best chance to have a loving, long lasting relationship with the man who loves you. As for sex, you should communicate that foreplay really turns you on and makes you feel great and connected to him, tell him that you love him and work on this together rather than just apart. I understand your grief because I have lost loved ones myself but I forced myself to come out of my depression because I still had a life to lead and I was sure that those who had passed away wouldn't want to spend my life mourning them.

Answer 5

You are not spending enough time together to keep the marriage going. You need to make special time for one another. You have stopped trying. You cannot keep the machine running if you do not turn the engine on. You should talk to your husband. I`m sure he has no idea that you feel this way. What do you think he would say? Would he be hurt?

Answer 6

your too upset deep inside to let you feelings show at the moment..youve had a lot to deal with...toooo much to deal with..its hard..very hard...why not you both go away somewhere for the weekend to try to put aside all the sorrow and grief that your suffering...somewhere romantic would be nicetell him that you need more foreplay too..that hes not hitting the button...share a bottle of wine tell him you still love him dearly.. but youve been going through an awfull lot of grief...but mostly...get that trip arranged for just the two of you...good luck...and sorry to hear about this sad time in your life...pray that you will have strenth to cope with everything

Answer 7

I too went through the same thing when my brother and dad passed... It is NORMAL to pull away... You have withdrawn yourself.. And you need to find yourself in the midst of all this pain you are going through.... You need to make a date with your husband and start working on your life.... As hard as it may seem... because if you dont, you will have alot more worries and troubles ahead of you and you do not need this.... he is probably frustrated, and just wants to "get Off" because he does not know how to deal with your hurt and pain.... But you need to get lost in him and he in you.... Find your way back together...As much as I know your grief for your family, things will get easier with time...but you need to build your life again with your husband, and think of all the good to come..... I look into my Niece and nephews eyes everyday and see their Daddy...I cannot bring my brother back, I can only move on and do my best to live a good life to get to where he is now.... I wish You all the Best.. Cling to the good you have in this life..... because it is a short life we have to live

Answer 8

The fact that you have had so much loss in your family could have a lot to do with it.Also you are young and sometime what you thought was a good idea.(getting married) Turns out not to be.If you don't have kids.What is holding you together? If your not happy and he's not happy.There are other fish in the sea

Answer 9

Since you have just suffered loss, maybe you are suffering from depression without you knowing it. If you're really so concerned about your marriage then why not consider counseling, if not for both of you but for yourself? The problem may not be your
husband. It may be you.

Answer 10

perhaps you wer never attracted to your husband he may have been there for you at the right time and your true feelings are just now starting to come out you may be thinking of this other man because he may have been the one you really wanted to be with but couldn't for whatever reason if you cant be with the one you love love the one your with