This is just the beginning of chapter1:
The day was dark and dismal, with the sky pale and empty, as if worn out from the laborious temper from the night before; and the naked trees shivering from the callous wind which swept by them, and across the waste of muddy fields.
‘I’m not an impulsive man,’ he reflected, ‘so damn my soul if I know what I’m doing.’ The gentleman could not understand what force had rendered him to thoughtlessly walk into the cold lake on espying a dark shadow floating above the water in the shrouded distance. He was a man of facts. And the fact was that he expected to find a log, a heap of garbage, or something of that reasonable sort. The fact was he had not expected to find the lone corpse of a young woman floating above the water like an abandoned rag doll.
......Was it alright??Or should I fix it some how??
2006-11-21 16:07:24 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
This story is set in England during the year 1831....
2006-11-21 16:07:46 · update #1
Oh yah, and the second paragraph is:
'damn my soul if I knew what I was doing.'
And this gentlemen is an inspector, by the way
2006-11-21 16:08:57 · update #2
Any technical issues you may have (and there definately are some as far as over use of descriptors and length of sentances) will be fleshed out as you write more and rewrite. But for a first draft of just a fraction of the story it does compell me to wonder along with character what is going on, so I'd say get the heck off Yahoo answers, stop procrastinating, and keep putting words on the paper! (i say this because I am terrible at procrastination while writing as well)
2006-11-21 17:00:59 · answer #1 · answered by daughters_a_wookie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first sentence is really long. Way too much description for only one period. I'd suggest trying to break it up a little bit, maybe make that two or three sentences at least to give the reader a better idea of the setting.
Other than that, it reads well and I dont have any suggestions.
2006-11-22 00:14:33 · answer #2 · answered by neona807 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad - a bit too descriptive in the first paragraph and the sentences are a bit long. But as a first draft - not bad. Keep writing and it will find it's way. Just remember to keep going - write every day. Good luck.
2006-11-22 01:33:09 · answer #3 · answered by Shadowtwinchaos 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey! It sounds interesting! But remember, dont use so many long sentences! Short ones are stronger and better. In the second para, repeated use of 'the fact' is not needed.
2006-11-22 00:36:54 · answer #4 · answered by Nikki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The word I want is lurid. Lurid, trite and poorly written.
2006-11-22 02:21:45 · answer #5 · answered by Sophist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is marvelous!
2006-11-22 00:18:23 · answer #6 · answered by sriyaheartspink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋