Can I live with a smoker long term? Is he right for me?

Question

I have been dating someone for a year, he was a smoker when I met him - a pack a day, in the car (with children), bedroom etc. He has stopped smoking inside. Recently he gave up for a few months, ( had two cigars a day) now smoking half a pack a day again and has gained kilos. The smoking is an issue beause of health but also because he has no money once paid his debts and child support. I am a non smoker ( with one child) but find that the smell makes me feel sick and is a real turn off. I love him and am prepared to have a future despite his weight/lack of money - we get on great in every other way but don't think I can live with the smell of smoke every day for my life!! He has no intention to give up and also I don't want to be controlling - its his body etc, yet I find I want to see him less because of it. Please help, maybe tips from people that are in the same situation...

Answer 1

My fiance is a smoker. I used to smoke when we met, but have since quit. I make him smoke outside. The smell doesn't really bother me though since I used to smoke, but if he refuses to smoke outside and you absolutely cannot stand the smell and he doesn't want to quit, then maybe it's a dealbreaker. Maybe you shouldn't marry him.

I'd never ever get involved with someone who had kids from a previous relationship though. That's just asking for trouble.

Answer 2

I am married, I am a smoker and my husband is a non-smoker. I do not smoke inside the house or near my baby. Whenever I have a smoke, I wash my hands with soap that completely removes the smell, and I will either brush my teeth or have a strong flavoured chewing gum (sugarfree lol). Maybe ask him to do these things. If he really cares about you, he will go to the extra lengths to make you happy and keep your relationship together.

Answer 3

I am a former smoker. My last boyfriend was also a smoker - over a pack a day for many years. I decided last January to quit smoking for my own health and for my son's health (I didn't smoke in the car if he was in it, didn't smoke inside). My boyfriend supported me while I quit -- he didn't smoke around me and would wash his hands/spray cologne/brush his teeth to mask it. In February of last year, he quit also. Why? Because he loved me, and he loved himself. if your boyfriend chooses to continue to smoke knowing that he is exposing not only himself, but you and your child to the dangers of second-hand smoke, then he does not really love himself or you. Only you can decide how to proceed... I know that I could not personally live with a smoker now that I'm a non-smoker - and I can't believe how badly I used to smell (never noticed it, of course, until I quit).

Answer 4

Like you said, "He has no intention to give up" and " I don't think I can live with the smell of smoke every day for my life!! I find that the smell makes me feel sick and is a real turn off."
Meanwhile, he's got no money and can't contribute anything - what's so great about him??

Answer 5

Well, if you love him and want to make it work -- be honest with him and be very open. Tell him that you love him and want to have a future together. Then say that the only thing is that his smoking affects your health (i.e. you get sick) and ask him very nicely if he could do his smoking outdoors. If he refuses, then ask yourself how much he cares about you and really evalute if your love is really one-sided. You're not trying to get him to quit after all, just give you some consideration.

Best of luck!

Answer 6

nicely,attempt to not hassle plenty approximately it using fact eating and smoking is your dad's determination.no you will make somebody stop undesirable behavior.they could desire to do it themselves.One stable factor is he's in basic terms smoking a nil.5 %. an afternoon which isn't too undesirable.so some distance as life expectancy is going,there are people who smoke and drink so plenty extra advantageous than he does that stay into their eighty's.some don't get to 50.one factor you're able to examine is to work out how long his brothers,sisters,mom,dad,and grandparents lived.If he inherited stable genes he could stay long.If his kin didnt stay to be very previous there's a competent hazard he won't the two.

Answer 7

It is not fair to you to be a non smoker and live with a smoker.
I work in a hospital, and we see pts who have severe COPD because they lived with a smoker. Just last month, I lost a patient who had emphysema so bad she died from respiratory failure and she never smoked a day in her life. Her husband who continues to smoke sat at the foot of her bed telling me he just didnt understand it. The guy continues to smoke and he is still alive. The way I see it is his nasty habit killed his poor little 60 yr old wife. I have taken care of women who died with lung cancer who never smoked, but their spouses continue to do so.
I was married to a smoker and the whole time we were married, our kids lived with upper respiratory infections, ear infections all over his smoking. He made promises to smoke outside and to quit or to cut down and continued on smoking in the house making it a huge problem. We could not even afford to eat half the time, but he always managed to afford his cigarettes. Smoking is a financial burden to the entire family and it is such a worthless habit.
I would date him if you feel you need to do it, but I would never marry or live with a man who smokes.

Answer 8

THe smoke makes me ill- on the clothes- in the car- you get it bad in the car- I wouldn't even consider dating a smoker-it is sickening- and that does not even count what is does to the health-I could not live w it- and it would be best for you and your child not to- take care-D

Answer 9

You say he smoked when you first met him - how come he didn't make you feel sick then ? I agree he shouldn't smoke in the car when the children are in there, apart from that you need to chill out, for goodness sake the poor guy should be allowed to have a smoke in his own home ( or your yours ). He won't hang around long.

Answer 10

if you are not a smoker,its it dangerous to live with one.You are exposed to second hand smoke and it is actually much worse than smoking a cigarrete.I think if person who smokes lives with non smoker really cares for other,they should quit.Plus everyone knows that smoking leads to lung cancer,yellow teeth and fingers.And being expossed to smoke is even worse-children may have ear infections ,asthma and many other complications.The decision is after you.Good luck.