We have been seperated since July because of his alcoholism and violence. I have had a R.O. against him since early October (because he was obsessive, stalking, threatening, and tried to kill himself because he was so distraught over the fact that I wouldn't take him back). He is forbidden by the courts from contacting me for any reason other than issues pertaining to our children - however, tonight, he called to tell me that he is dating "Frankie" and that he thinks he is in love with her. He was rude to me - like he was trying to make me mad. I even spoke to her briefly (she got on the phone to apologize for him calling me!!). He sounded drunk, and I'm not really sure why he called. My questions are: 1) Does he really think I would care what he is doing? I'm the one who has decided to divorce him. 2) What might he expect to gain from this conversation? 3) Should I call my attorney tomorrow and report that he called me & violated the R.O.? 4) Can men really be this dumb?
2006-11-21 15:23:15 · 25 answers · asked by in love love love... 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't react. And certainly don't OVERreact!
Answers to your questions:
1. He hopes that what he's doing is going to get you to react. Any reaction from you will be interpreted as "caring".
2. Any sort of reaction. Again, if you react you're feeding his ego.
3. No. Altho it was stupid of him to violate the RO, there's really no real damage/injury. On a single instance like this, NO court is going to hammer him (further feeding his ego with your reaction and lack of court action). Ignoring it will be your best course of action since it was by phone (in person is totally different).
4. Men AND WOMEN really can be that dumb.
Your best action is to be as calm, indifferent and COLD as you can. The lack of reaction will hurt his effort.
Best wishes.
2006-11-21 15:58:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He still cares what you think he did call after all and so he hopes you still care. Instead of doing it the sober mature way he opts to be drunk and get a rise out of you to see where you stand. The more mad you get the more he feels in control and also that you still harbor feelings. Call your attorney a violation is a violation you should have to deal with his drunken phone calls. Finally yes men are for the most part dumb. There are a few out there that break the mold but in this case unfortunately not. Good luck hang in there you deserve better:) Remember you first.
2006-11-21 15:31:14 · answer #2 · answered by b 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. One you must in any small way care, you wouldn't be asking.
2. He might expect you go on yahoo answers or call a friend or anyone to say that he called to tell you he was in love.
3. If you are that afraid of him that you had the court issue a restraining order on him, call the police.
4. Yes, men really are dumb. They don't have the ability to think logically. Sometimes I wonder if they ever do think. I don't speak of all men, just all the ones I've ever known. I think I need new friends. Hummm, I think I'll post a question.
2006-11-21 15:36:30 · answer #3 · answered by bellbottombleus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should:
1. Call the police and report it. A Restraining Order is a LEGAL COURT ORDER - and your husband violated it. Get a police report or case number if you can. You can also go to your local police station and file the report in person - they may require this anyway.
2. Call your attorney in the morning and notify him/her. Give your attorney the police report or case number if you have it.
3. Don't answer the phone when it's him UNLESS your child(ren) are WITH him - it could be an emergency.
If they are with him and he calls but it's not about them, remind him he is not to contact you unless it's about the kids and HANG UP THE PHONE.
If your kids are with you, don't answer the phone. He can leave a message, and if he does, it will be more proof he's violating the Restraining Order. Report ALL contact to the police and to your attorney.
And keep the restraining order on you at ALL times. I kept a copy in my car, at home, at work, at the daycare, and one in my purse.
2006-11-21 15:46:27 · answer #4 · answered by Skye 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Up until you put a R.O. agaist him.He was in control of the relationship/use to you playing by his rules.Now the rules have changed.He is testing the water to see .How far he can push you?If he can break you.In other words .He is trying to get one foot back in the door.Yeah i would stand by the court order/report him.He apparently has no regard for you or the law.If he is calling you today.What will he do tomorrow? You should have reported him to the police for violating the R.O.
2006-11-21 16:21:28 · answer #5 · answered by noga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he obviously won this round. You are talking about it, you are thinking about it. And you are angry about it. If you are done with him, leave well enough alone. Any reaction from you will only confirm to him that you are not over him. However, since he is an alcoholic he may not even be aware that he called you. And since he is an alcoholic and abusive, be happy you don't have the trouble of dealing with him. Be grateful he found someone to deal with him, less trouble for you. Just move on and forget about him, and sooner or later you will find someone new. God bless****
2006-11-21 15:29:00 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Of course you should call the police, not your lawyer. And yes, you should report it. If you don't, why the heck did you bother getting a restraining order???? If you let him ignore the order once, he'll do it again....and again....and again.... You ask if men can really be this stupid....can women really be stupid enough not to report it... think about it.... The order is there to protect you. Not to allow him to call you. Wake up!
2006-11-21 16:47:12 · answer #7 · answered by The ReDesign Diva 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No baby, don't sweat it. That is the ugly side of the monster. He wants to make you feel jealous, there is nothing else and for all I know it could also be hot air.
You made the best choice for you and your family, move on, don't turn to the east or the west, that is distraction, remina focused in what you do.
Good luck.
2006-11-21 15:38:41 · answer #8 · answered by Trinity 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely call your attorney and tell him about the conversation, I might recommend that you get a inexpensive digital recorder for you phone. Let him know that every time he calls you are recording him, remind him each call.
As for his reasons behind the call, who the hell knows. Alcoholics do things that are beyond reason all the time.
2006-11-21 15:28:53 · answer #9 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, yes, some of us CAN really be this dumb. But do what's best for you and your kids and finally end it with this dumba*s, and make a better life for you and your kids. Even if you're separated, you're still married and if he's hanging with another chick, then he's probably banging her... which is proabably an even better reason to end it completely.
2006-11-21 15:31:45 · answer #10 · answered by Say it like it is 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋