My mom recently found out im sexually active, she asked me WHY I "do it", and i didnt have a answer. HELP!!!

Question

last week when I had to go to the doctor w/ my mom, b/c blood tests showed something wrong with my liver (im fine now) So the doctor is asking me questions about my lifestyle to try & pin-point what was causing my liver issue, so finally he asks me if im sexually active,& I froze! My mom didnt know I was sexually active& I dont think she agrees w/ premarital sex ingeneral. So shes looking@ me like "please answer no", so i finally turn to her& say "yes mom, i AM sexually active" (i have a boyfriend) & returned to the Dr.s questions.

When we got home, my mom got all mad, telling me im too young to have sex (im 19), &that I could get pregnant (im on birthcontrol). Then she asked me WHY I have sex, i didnt have an answer. I care about my boyfriend, he cares about me& it feels good, but I want to say exacly that. I dont think my lack of a long meaningful answer reflects that I shouldnt have sex. I know shes gonna ask me again, how can I convey that she has no control over this!?

Colleen- my BF ALSO wears protection, double protection

my mom and I drove to the doctors together, i was really worried and i wanted her in there. I thought the doc was gonna take a blood pressure or something....who knew this was gonna happen! My mom never goes with me to the DR, except for this

brutus612-yes, shes a single parent, im an only child.....shes needed a reality check since i was 12!

Answer 1

So, you're on birth control...so was I when I got pregnant TWICe. However, when we were helping my sister plan her wedding the topic of conversation somehow got to sex and we were asking one another "why" we did it. My mom was shocked and surprised when I said "Because I like it". ..and at 53 I still do.

Answer 2

First off: you're 19 years old. Your mom is old school, and worried that something will happen, of course, but--you are old enough to make your own decisions here! I mean, hey, it could be worse--you could be 13 and sexually active or worse.

Secondly: You are an adult. Time to consider the possibility of living on your own, unless you're in school (college), and mom is helping you there. Still, you need some leeway to make a few mistakes, and she should support your decisions. Also, as such, she has no control over what you do with your bf. Just don't do it where she can catch you! Respect all around is needed here. Good luck!

Answer 3

Aaaah Yes my girl, one way she's right the other she's wrong let me tell you (I am 56) your mom is from one generation up, where sex is reserved for married peoples only - what if you get pregnant etc..??, that's how SHE was brought up she will not have it otherwise ! - today sex is in a different leage, you girls can control your own fertility (if I may use this term), sex is for pleasure first, (later on to have children - if you want) like going with your b/f to a good restaurant - good meal - good wine, and after that why not a good sex for desert - and you do it because of LOVE you have for the other person - this is important !!
this is for satisfaction of the body ! The whole waving of the red flag is "what if .... you get an unwanted pregnancy, contract some desease etc..." - good luck BUT be carefull - YOU are the one who will have to carry the burden of an unwanted pregnancy if you get pregnant _ NOT the boy (he may well run away - far away and dodge his responsabilities) - don't ever forget this -

Answer 4

Personally, I think you are too young to have sex, but I was also 24 and in a very serious relaionship of 4 years before we had sex. He was 25 and a virgin up until then too. But at least you're 19, and not 13 or 14. And if you're old enough to have sex, then you should be old enough to not be scared of what your parents will say -- tell her why you have sex. She may not like your answer, but you're an adult and make your own decisions.

You can still get pregnant even tho on birth control. My now husband and I used condoms every single time we had sex, and luckily, we never got pregnant until 3 months after we stopped using condoms and starting trying for a baby. Now we're 312 weeks pregnant and very happy!

Good Luck with your mom!!

Answer 5

If you don't know why you are having sex, you shouldn't be having it. You should KNOW why you are having sex in order to make that decision. Know what I mean?

Other than that, you are 19 and a legal adult. Tell mom to back off the subject because you don't want her advice in this area.

I stay out of my adult daughters' lives unless they ask my advice. Fortunately, they do on occasion.

If you were my daughter (since you asked advice here), I would tell you that as an adult you can do what you wish. I disagree with your decision, but what troubles me the most is that you don't even know why you do it. You never said you love him. That bothers me. "It feels good" is a reason to do drugs and get drunk too. It's pretty nice while it lasts, right? But the hangover the next day really sucks! The "hangover" here will happen if you break up with this guy. Think about it.

You are an adult, and while I shared my opinion, I respect your right to make your own decisions.

Best Wishes,

Sue

Answer 6

I am a mother of 40 & 24 yr old daughters. My oldest one I know was 19 and I believe my youngest was 18. The advice I always gave them was for the rest of your life there's only going to be one "first time" so make sure it counts and that they would always be able to look back at that first time loviningly. They were with the right person. It was because they wanted to and no regrets. Of course parents would love to see their children wait till marriage, but it ain't happening. And It's almost a given that once you start if you don't stay with the guy you could rack up a lot of other "feels good". Ultimately, it is a personal decision.

Answer 7

Tell her that you are 19 and your hormones are on the rampage! Mine were at that age, probably why I fell pregnant even though I was on the pill!

You are old enough to make your own choices. From what you have said, you are in a long-term relationship so I think it's OK. If she's old school she probably doesn't believe in sex before marriage, but reality is no parent want their kids having sex first! We (as parents) want them to do it right, they just don't!!

I think she should be grateful you are using contraception, it's better than not using anything! Tell mum that you love her very much, but your sex life is none of her damn business!

Answer 8

Well you are 19 years old so you are a adult and able to make your own decisons...It is hard to tell a parent that does not want to hear it that you are sexually active..when my sister told her dad that she was because she wanted to take bc and our mom put her on it and he wanted to know why she was taking the pills and she wanted to tell the truth...anyways, he told her that she was a slut and all kinds of things..It was bad. Our mom on the other hand accepted it and moved on...thats the best thing for parents to do.Because my sister for example still remembers those things he said to her years ago...and is still angry at times when she sees him and he makes remarks...and my point is no matter how a parent reacts you are 19 a adult...my sister wasnt...well you do not have to explain your actions to your parents.or if you do just be truthful and say we care about each other and it happened...I do not feel bad for it...I am sorry if this upsets you .I am a adult and I made the decision to have sex.

Answer 9

Because at 19, you are an adult, and you have decided to share this special experience with your boyfriend.

But try not to be so dependent on your Mom. You are making adult decisions about sex but have her in the room with you and the doctor. Your actions may be looking immature to your mother so she is concerned that you might not be mature enough to make a decision about sex. She doesn't have to agree with your decision about sex, but you have to make it clear you are responsible for whatever occurs (birth control isn't 100% effective).

Answer 10

The question is are you an only child? And was she a single parent?
if you answer yes to both then the answer is obvious, she has issues about sex and someone needs a reality check,

She needs to maybe be more involved in your life,


my girl's mom buys us the birth control Nuva ring works!