Am I an awful person?

Question

Long story short, I've been best friends with someone who I met online for over 5 years. We finally met in person recently. Since I met him I feel very weird because he was sort of different from what I imagined. (like the way he eats, walks, and all that stupid things). We used to email each other almost every day. Now I am uncomfortable to talk to him about simplest things, let alone spilling my guts like before about my life. I am afraid he might notice it or I might hurt his feelings. He is a great guy and I don't want to lose him as my best friend, but I just can't shake this weird feeling off. Am I such an awful person that judges people by their looks? I always thought I was one of the very few people on earth who loved people for who they were. I am confused with myself.

Answer 1

You can't help how you feel. It's easy to say the right thing when chatting on the computer...you can erase and they never know. But in real life we all have flaws and aren't as quick to think of the perfect thing to say. It's kind of an altered world.....you can really like someone but are they who you think they are? So when you see them in real life, all the flaws hit you at once.

Don't let your feelings stress you.......you just had an instant dose of reality when you met him. Keep trying a little longer and see if you can get past this and be his friend again. Then you'll know if you really like him or just liked the inamge of who he was in your mind.

Answer 2

It sounds as though you built up a little fantasy in your head as to how you wanted him to behave in person and now that bubble has burst, you are really quite repulsed by him. I don't think you're a bad person, maybe you just allowed yourself to get carried away a little. The point is though, you obviously have identified that the problem lies with you (in expecting him to be a certain way) and all you really have to do is just accept that he didn't meet your expectations (which isn't a crime) and remind yourself that you liked his personality before the superficial factors began to piss you off.
It does sound like you were perhaps hoping for more than friendship (maybe even subconsciously)

Answer 3

I kind of actually know what you mean. I talked to somone online for a year and we were going to meet up when he came to town. Then that kept getting pushed back and I was kind of seeing someone when he came to town.

Even though the online guy and I never dated or anything we would talk about everything under the sun = including things like What do you look for in a guy/girl?

Well the time passed, etc. and when we met up we didn't have any awkward things like him trying to hold my hand or anything which was good b/c I had started to wonder if maybe he did like me. We didn't hug or anything. Then a few weeks later he started calling me a lot saying how much he liked me. Anyway, I just stopped taking his call b/c he DID NOT GET THE POINT. At all. Just didn't get that I didn't like him like that. then I got calls from his marine friends that he calls my number and hangs up over and over and over and won't speak to people and they told me that he tells them I am his GF.

SO, from my experience, really nothing worked. I could say try to just talk to him and that might work but for my person it didnt. You could "get busy" with work... that might not work.

Is it just that you don't want to be his friend? or that he likes you and you want out of that? You could tell him that you didn't feel the same vibe in person? Or just slowly minimize contact?

Is it still just going to be mainly online now? if so, then does it matter how things were different in person if you just go back to online only?

Maybe connect multiple friends on your online list into a community conversation and expand their network of people so it's not so obvious when you talk to them less?

Maybe try to write down what it is that shockedyou and then what that means. Get to the bottom of it.

Is it just that you fell in "like" or in "friendship" with a certain IMAGE and it's DIFFERENT??? not that you don't like how he was but simply that it was different than what you thought?

Do you just need time to adjust to it?

You do sound like a nice person so I understand your dilemma. I hope it resolves itself. But also maybe it teaches you something? What, I don't know... that's more for you.

:-)

Answer 4

feels like there's a substantial age hollow happening. I understand, using fact my dad and mom had me previous due in life additionally. whilst i grew to become into in intense college everyone concept my dad and mom have been my GRANDPARENTS! i used to be embarrassed via them--not using fact there grew to become into something incorrect with them, yet using fact we've been generations aside in our outlooks. In 3 or 4 years you would be out on your guy or woman, and as quickly as you come across out what it particularly is like being an "grownup" you're able to discover you omit the stable previous days of being cared for via your dad and mom. additionally remember that using fact they're plenty older than you, they could not be around as long as you think of. discover ways to enjoy them now.

Answer 5

i dont think u r awful some people do lie about them selves over the net so its not unusual for u to be feeling a lil strange if he asks just tell him the truth