My husband of 14 years has been away from home all but 5 months of the past 2 years "military" this last time was for 5 months. When he came home 4 weeks ago i could tell he was depressed. Then he found out he had to leave for iraq he was only home 3 weeks. 2 days after finding out he asked for a divorce that was a shock. He said he loved me and always would he just wasn't happy. When asked if he met someone he said no there was no one else. He just didn't want to be married anymore just unhappy. I convinced him to hold off his decision or discussion sence he was leaving. 2 days after he left i found evidence he cheated. Has never admitted to cheating just that he met someone. Is still having contact with her from iraq and has run up a huge phone bill i now have to pay. I love him so much and know that some of well most of our problems are me and really started when he deployed 2 years ago. I just need and want him back. We have 2 wonderful boys. Give me some advice
2006-11-21 14:52:11 · 12 answers · asked by chell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
take him to court for the bill.
u have lost his trust forever u need someone who loves u and wants u desperately.
2006-11-21 14:55:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Meeting someone? That is "seeing" someone. And if he felt strong enough about it to ask for a divorce from a wife of 14 years and has two kids? He isn't just "unhappy" he is emotionally involved with this other woman.
You already know he has cheated, probally been intimate with her? Ran up a huge phone bill to stay in contact with her? He has asked for a divorce? You blame yourself? (most of our problems are me)
First off........HE cheated. It doesn't matter why.
If the phone bill is in his name? Don't pay it! Get another phone!
Call the number and ask to speak to your husband.
For me to say just give him a divorce would be too easy. Make HIM file. I know it is painful, but you have to realize that the damage is either done......or greatly harmed the marital bond.
Forgiving him, taking him back (if he even wanted to), promising to change "your problems" won't make him want YOU. Even if SHE wasn't in the picture.
Advice? Military life is a hardship on the entire family for many reasons. Absence from a mate can cause some to stray. With that amount of absence in a 2 year period it would take a hell of a lot of committment on BOTH sides to stay together.
The commitment is not there from your husband.
Gather your facts, determine the best course. What would most benefit the situation? If you still feel that most of your problems are due to YOU, then perhaps talk to your husband. Suggest counseling, mediation or an all out forgiven and lets start over?
I am not saying to give up, only YOU know the whole story and if your marriage can be salvaged. Take some time to obsorb the picture.
Good luck to you and stay focused on the kids to keep your mind busy.
2006-11-21 23:54:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anna M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happened in your marriage that caused you to grow apart? That is the anwser i would seek first. If you have an idea what it could be, work on fixing that. I also would not pay the phone bill if your sure that is who he is calling. Let her pay the phone bill. With him in Iraq, they arent seeing each other and considering what is going on over there whatever they have isnt based in reality. Once he returns, work you hardest on fixing whats wrong, I would guess that the entire situation with the other person changes once he comes home. Talking to someone on the phone when your out of country isnt the same as dealing with them on a daily basis in country. It could simply be someone to talk to for both of them and be a hard slap of reality when he is home.
2006-11-22 02:15:46 · answer #3 · answered by sweetkisz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't go after her. Your best chance is to be super extra nice to him whenever you talk to him. Sometimes it's the hardest thing to do, oddly enough. Her shine will wear off (she is new) and you have the boys. You just be the most appealing you can be.
If that doesn't work, divorce him and take every cent he makes for the rest of his life. He cheated. Remember that. Cheated. Cheated. Cheated.
You sure you want to keep him?
2006-11-21 23:19:21 · answer #4 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It must be hard for you raising your kids alone and holding up a home in anticipation of his return. But you have to face the fact that he cheated on you. If the other woman disappears, he might just find another one to fill her place.
The best thing for you to do is to focus on your children. Pour all of your energy into them...and let your husband have his divorce.
2006-11-21 23:02:47 · answer #5 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My situation is different but I know how you feel. Your best bet is to just get divorced. I know it is hard to think about but it will be for the best. I have been trying to get divorced for the last 15 mos. When it first started I was devasted and didnt know what to do. But now I have realized that I am better off without him. His girlfriend can have him. When you start the process you will feel the same way but you will get through it. I did. Sorry to sound so mean but sometimes you have to face the real world and get yourself through it. I did and so can you. Let him go. You will be better off!
2006-11-21 23:03:45 · answer #6 · answered by lookingforfunnow25276 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This must be so difficult for you to have to deal with. I would ask him if he's willing to go for counseling, and if he's not consider going by yourself. I think it's easy for people to get caught up in the romanticism of a new relationship. When it's new, it's exciting and there are no problems because there are are no bills, kids, etc.
Good luck to you. This may be something that is out of your control.
2006-11-21 23:04:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u can't get rid of the other woman, she isn't just going to go away, if we try and stop him, he will just resent us later, we just have to let it play out and we can do very little to stop it. yes if she would just go away he could see the truth, but she isn't going anywhere unfortunatly. when they meet someone else they seem to have forgotten about us, as if we never existed at all. they forget all the things they loved about us, yes it does hurt, and it will take time to get past it, but there is nothing we can do or say to the other woman to get her to walk away, she wants what u have in life, and she will do all she can to win his heart, she won't just go away. best thing we can do for ourselves is distance ourselves, and let them have their divorce, cause we really have no control over him anymore. he doesn't admit to it, because he doesn't want to be accountable, he wants no hassle over it. wouldn't do u any good to confront her or speak to her at all, that will just hurt u more in the long run. just get the divorce, as he doesn't want u anymore, it is hard to understand, i know it hurts terribbly, but the sooner u realiaze theres not a thing u can do the faster u can heal your heart. get some therapy and deal with your self esteem.
2006-11-22 09:55:37 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to tell you this ,but he is not IN LOVE with you anymore, there are two kinds of love, you can love the dog and cat, but you are not IN LOVE with them. So what has happned when he says he loves you, he probably does, but he has fallen out of love with you, and that is the one that matters the most. He is IN LOVE with someone else. Is it fair, not at all, but you need to let him go, he is not going to ever feel the way he did towards you like he once did.
2006-11-21 23:26:57 · answer #9 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he'll cheat with one woman, he will cheat with another.
2006-11-21 22:56:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋