Is everyone excited about the holidays "I'm not"?

Question

The holidays use to be fun until my uncle was murdered two days before Thanksgiving in '91, my grandmother on mom's side died two days after New Years in '98 then my grandfather on dad's side died on Christmas Day in '99, and now my grandfather on mom's side is doing pretty bad it could be any day now for him. I just don't feel happy during the holidays especially when I see families out together it just brings me down. Now I have to take my baby to see his dad's side of the family and I really don't feel up to it at all. Does anyone know how I feel or have any suggestions and I've already done counseling. I'm very sad not depressed I just don't like to be around families should I force myself to feel better?

We were opening presents and taking pictures when I got the call on Christmas Day about my grandfather sitting by the tree, I don't even put up a tree now.

Answer 1

A lot of people don't look forward to the holidays. Christmas is my favorite time of the whole year and I usually go all out with decorating, but I have had years where it was a struggle just to drag the tree out. I can't stand all the commercialization so we try to focus on the true joys of the season. It is always sad to remember that a loved one has passed close to or on a meaningful date. On the other hand, if we gave up celebrating any given date because of a death, we wouldn't be able to be happy again because there are dates throughout the year that hold meaning for each of us. In the case of elderly relatives, I am content to look back at the lives they had and I always recall the funny things they used to do and say or the happy times we shared. I also know that they wouldn't want us sitting around mourning them and not moving forward and making our own memories. One thing that helps bring the holidays into sharper focus is my son. We have some traditions we share with the whole family, but we have our very own too and I wouldn't want to let him down. He is still little and I want it to be magical for him and also pass on our traditions to his family when he is grown. It may help you to remember something you used to do with your loved ones and turn it into a holiday tradition for your baby. It will become something you share through the years and he will have a connection to his family that he can carry with him the rest of his life.

Answer 2

I now what it's like to lose someone close to you. I lost three very close relatives in 6 months and that was very difficult. I was suicidal but am feeling much better today. What I took from counsellling was that unless you want to change no one can make you. I think if you took the true meaning and holiday spirit and are thankful for everything you still have it could be eaiser. You have a kid and I'm sure it would make them happy to see there parent(s) happy. Use this time to look back at all the great times you had and use this as a time to honour them and reflect on how great they were and are.

Answer 3

My hubby had a similar attitude toward holidays. His Grandma died on his birthday and his parents divorced before Christmas. He HATES holidays. If you still feel like grieving, then go for it. You will get over it (for lack of a better word) when you are ready. I would avoid depriving the baby of holidays though. Can you put up with it for his/her sake? My advice is, take it in small doses. I couldn't slam hubby with holiday stuff because he would clam up and be miserable. We did everything a little at a time. Good luck!

Answer 4

wow, not a very easy situation you are in.

my only thought would be to look forward, not backward. nothing can change history, but with your baby, you have the opportunity to change the future. take time with your child, as it is your true family now. enjoy the days, enjoy the time shared, relish the bond you establish, and feel good about you and what you have developed in your child.