we've been together for a little over a year now, it's long distance and ive been there several times,.. and she came here and is also flying down on xmas day. recently-- her ex gf has called-- and tried to feed her a line of B.S. about how she has changed and how much she misses her and loves her..ive seen the conversation since it was on the computer-- and i know that she is trying to let her down easy.. why is it so hard to tell your ex to just quit. to leave u alone. i know she loves me-- we've been through a lot-- even with my ex so guess what goes around comes around--- but now i ask.. she mentioned that she found that she would love her ex's more when they would be mean to her and act like they dont care.. should i do the same?? not call and just wait for her to and then pretend im too busy? but its so hard-- i find myself constantly thinking ab her-- and wanting to call..i want to be the "tough" one since obviously im the butch and shes the femme.. any advice? appreciate it
2006-11-21 14:23:37 · 6 answers · asked by donteventry 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
this too, shall pass, be patient. no one is worth this kind of personal beating. you are worth more...
2006-11-21 14:28:57 · answer #1 · answered by donald h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loving someone more when they are mean and distant isn't exactly healthy. If I recall correctly, it is rooted in a leaning towards co-dependence which, if not dealt with correctly, is just no good. It's essentially your partner telling you that she does not feel good enough to deserve love. Don't feed into that, please, it just will not end up well.
As for exes and why it's hard to let go - perhaps it's because we have invested time and patience and love into these people and would like to think that maybe they are OK and worth having in our lives. In truth, they are exes for a reason; whatever the reason might be, it just didn't work out.
I think it would be reasonable to tell your partner that contact with her ex is hurting you/making you insecure/whatever its making you feel. If you have been together for over a year, clearly something it working for you two and it seems like acting like you're not interested isn't the key. Just a thought...
As for being butch and femme - butches are allowed to have feelings and femmes are allowed to be tough. That's that - fulfilling a stereotype is not going to make your relationship any better. (And if you are offended by that, I am sorry - feel free to message me to discuss that further if you wish.)
2006-11-21 22:45:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her. And go with your gut. If you really think you need to be tougher on her and thats what she likes then go for it. But you run the risk of losing her. Because if her ex's did it maybe that's why they ended up her ex's. Maybe she just needs your support right now. Talk to her. Sometimes tough isn't the way to go.
2006-11-21 23:34:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe you do deserve better, if your girlfriend is going to leave you for some old scum. let her, let her find out how miserable she will be and when she begs to come back, tell her straight up, i dont want you, then tell her why and then if she begs more take her back and she'll be changed.
2006-11-21 22:37:50 · answer #4 · answered by Al 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone who actually WANTS their lover to be mean and act like they don't care has some serious issues to work on. I'd stay away. She needs to talk to someone. I'm serious.
2006-11-21 23:20:43 · answer #5 · answered by pinkrosegreeneyes bluerose 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if u were truley the "tough" one you would call her
2006-11-21 22:53:07 · answer #6 · answered by monica b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋