What could be a punishment for my girls who fight?

Question

One of them is 9 and the other one is 5. They always fight weve trted putting them in the chair going in ther room but it wont work.Please give advise and something to do to them.

Answer 1

tell them you are going to do the take away punishment, every time they fight they both get some thing they really love taken away for a week. If you punish them both they will get the idea that there is no favouritism and who ever starts it they both loose. works quite well they really miss TV, videos, phone privileges,, birthday party's, special trips to mall etc, you get the idea

Answer 2

That kind of punishment just doesn't work. Send a kid to their room where they have their tv, computer, toys, etc and it does absolutely nothing.

It's a really tough thing to do. I wouldn't think you want them to avoid negative behavior because they fear being punished, but because they don't want to do something wrong like hurting their sibling.

Start by rewarding positive behavior. When they play nicely together, let them know how happy it makes you. Something to the flavor of "I'm so glad you're getting along so well today girls."
Not a great example or phrase but you'll figure that part out.

Second, have them help each other. Instead of bringing a cup of juice yourself to the 5 year old. Have your 9 year old take it. Then teach the 5 year old how to be appreciative. Wasn't that nice of your sister honey? What do you say when somebody does something nice for you? Give your sister a hug for being so nice. Aren't you lucky to have such a nice sister? Stuff like that. Just keep having them help each other and maybe it will start to come naturally or at least fights will come less often. Explain to your daughters that they're sisters and they always have to be there for each other. When one of them lashes out at the other, try bringing up something nice that happened before. That isn't how you treat your sister honey. She brought you some cookies and milk earlier, do you think it's right to take her toy away? Whatever the situation, adapt to it.

Ultimately there are a million theories on child rearing and each child, family and cultures are different so it's hard to know which one will work for you. You could spank the hell out of them each time they misbehave and while spankings are a good tool too much of it will make your child fear you instead of try to understand how what they're doing is wrong.

I've never had kids but these are things my parents did for me and my brother and throughout our lives we've never had a serious fight. Any minor fight we've had we made up within a day, and I can't recall a time that we've ever had any sort of physical fight. I'm 20 years old and he's 25, just as a reference. Obviously raising girls is somewhat different but fostering a loving family atmosphere can't be the wrong thing to do.

I hope something I said will help, I apologize if it doesn't.

Answer 3

Start taking away privilieges or favorite toys for a certain period of time depending on how badly they were fighting. Talk to them and find out exactly what they're fighting about and why. That may clue you in to a good solution to the problem. If that doesn't work maybe you could try talking to a counselor. They may only be fighting to get your attention.

Answer 4

This is tough, I only have 1 child myself, but i did work in daycare. For my son i use the "naughty chair" like the super nanny, has to stay on the chair as to how old they r. EG, if shes 5, then 5 minutes. and so on. But i see the chair didnt work for u. I also take their favourite things away. no matter how much they scream and jump up and down for it. Its really helped, my son is like any kid, has a tantrum here and there, but when i started to take his things away and not give them back for a while, he soon learnt, that when he mucks up, he is the one missing out. It takes time, but if its consistent, it works wonders. same with the chair, as long as it was consistent, it worked well.

Answer 5

Fighting siblings are not uncommon. But we need to consider WHY they fight... not what punishment will stop them.

My older daughter used to get angry with her sister very easily. I had to talk to her about appropriate ways to express her anger. These discussions took place when she was only 4. She learned that it was ok to be angry, but that she could not hit or call her sister names.... or break things (toys, etc.). So how could she express her anger? I gave her permission to go into her room when she was angry and bury her face in a pillow and scream. This gave her an acceptable outlet for her stress and anger. What she was NOT allowed to do was hurt other people or damage things.

That's a start. And yes, discipline can go hand-in-hand. Find out what they love to do and restrict it when they break the rules. For my older daughter, it was always electronic... TV, computer, etc. So I pulled the plug on it if she needed discipline. The younger one loved playing ball and stuff outside, so I restricted her to the house when she misbehaved.

Once their behavior improves, you will rarely have to impose punishment. But kids get angry and stressed just like adults do. The need you to teach them appropriate ways to deal with it.

Best Wishes,

Sue

Answer 6

1) Neutralize the conflict by removing the object around which the conflict is centered, unless it is clear that one of the girls is the aggressor at which time force is used to remove her power to perpetuate the conflict,

2) Bring peace and love into their lives by hugging them and by validating their feelings ("I understand.."), without condoning ("You are right ..") inappropriate feelings or behavior, until they feel good enough to hug each other and apologize and serve each other. If they resist you, have them spend some time alone in their rooms (quiet time) with only a few toys (for emotional comfort and support) at most. If they choose to remain in "quiet time" for too long, then visit them periodically to see how they are doing and to offer the support that they need if they are ready to receive it from you at that time.

3) When they are at peace, focus their attention on learning an acceptable, specific resolution to their recent conflict. Conflict yields inequality and condescension/disrespect, therefore when they are ready (at peace) create comparable service opportunities for each to immediately restore the equality and respect.

Answer 7

Make them sit on the couch together holding hands. They are not aloud to fight or argue during this punishment time. It is like a time out, but they are stuck with each other and must be nice to one another.

My mom always made me do this and it worked.

Answer 8

Your problem is similar to what I went thru w/my kids (now 21 & 25). The difference in their ages is the REAL problem.

Best solution? Patience and being sure each has their own "space" the other can't "invade", and making the most of their individuality.

Worst thing? Leaving the older "in charge" of the younger, EVER! (trust me!)

Second best solution - get movies they both enjoy and park them!

Answer 9

Start a reward system. Promise them a reward at the end of each week, such a trip, money less chores etc.. They have to earn so many points by the end of the week and each time they fight with each other take away points. If they don't reach their expected points by the end of the week, instead of rewarding them ground them from something they love to do over the weekend. Try for about a month and see if you notice a difference in their attitudes towards one another.

Answer 10

You're not going to succeed in stopping them from what is known as sibling rivalry. If you didn't want kids who fought you should have stuck with an only child. Sibling rivalry totally natural part of life in a more than one child family. Next time they start send them outside to battle.