Okay. I've been married for a year, but my husband doesn't love me "as much" (his words) anymore. He's in the military, and we live apart so we can save some money. We don't talk much or see each other.
I love him, and miss him and I'm extremely lonely.
So I've been going out with friends everyday, and they introduced me to this guy. I'm not sure if it's because I'm that lonely/needy, but I ended up sleeping with him. I've grown really attached to him in a VERY short amount of time, but he's not that into me. His words: "I have feelings, but they're not strong like yours." AKA, he just wants sex.
I know I'm just trying to replace what I have/had with my husband, but I can't seem to stop thinking about this guy.
What should I do? What do you guys think about this? I just want honest opinions.
2006-11-21 14:03:57 · 26 answers · asked by Katy K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You live apart so you can save money? What are you saving money for, a divorce? Seems like living apart to save money isnt worth it.
2006-11-21 14:07:15 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Even if you weren't married I would suggest that you not see this new guy again because he already made it clear that he's just not that into you. The first thing to do would be to put all the energy you have into trying to restore your marriage with your husband, and he should do the same. You should both give it all you've got for quite some time before you two call it quits. I don't understand why your husband doesn't love you "as much". Did he tell you why? That must be very, very hurtful. The marriage hasn't really had even a fair chance with you two apart like that. Distance can be really hard, but if you two are really meant to be, you can work through it. Until you two really give it your all with your marriage, I wouldn't see that man, or any other man, again. Affairs cause so many more problems that you & your husband will both have difficulty trusting each other and it will further complicate the troubles you and your husband already have. Unless you & your husband really try giving it your all, you two will never know if you two really had a chance to make it.
2006-11-21 14:17:39 · answer #2 · answered by SingingChimp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there...
I think if you re-read your letter you will find your own answers in there....
****I've been married for a year, but my husband doesn't love me "as much" ****
After only one year? This is a serious warning sign that you need to address this issue through counseling or other sources.
****We live apart so we can save some money. We don't talk much or see each other.****
What kind of marriage is that? That isn't even a friendship much less a marriage or romantic relationship. Right?
****I'm that lonely/needy, but I ended up sleeping with him. I've grown really attached to him in a VERY short amount of time, but he's not that into me.****
It doesn't sound like YOU are into the other guy and he's NOT INTO YOU either. So why are you both wasting your time and putting your marriage at risk? Also, have you considered accidental pregnancy?
To sum it up, sounds like you and your husband should consider counseling. Try books first if you are against talking to a professional. (Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, etc).
If counseling doesn't work, you may want to consider ending it before you start to resent or hate each other. Some people wait too long and then they are constantly fighting. It's better to walk away civilly.
2006-11-21 14:14:16 · answer #3 · answered by GRH27 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that your husband told you that "doesn't love you as much" anymore. You guys have only been married for 1 year and never really lived together as husband and wife "to save money". Now, you have met another guy because you are lonely. Wow, sounds to me that you and your husband never should have gotten married in the first place. You placed yourself in situations in order to meet someone. You already invisioned a fairy tale romance and now that you have found "the guy", you still want the fairy tale romance that you fantasized about. You no the deal...YOU CAN SEE THE FOREST FOR THE TREES. Get out of this dead end sexual relationship fast. You are only creating more hard ache for yourself. What I don't understand is why are you or both of you holding on to your marriage? You can either work it out or get it annulled. Marriage is to be respected, honored and nourished. Time to face reality and grow up.
2006-11-21 14:19:26 · answer #4 · answered by Linda C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband said that he don't love you as much; to me its sound as a very subtle way of saying I don't love you no more. Ask him for a divorce and go and date for a year or so. This guy that you are seeing right now gave you the sense that is a sex only thing. 99% that's it. Move on. You feel attached because you are in a painful situation and sex makes almost everything feel better :) You need time to heal and be happy again. Wish you the best.
2006-11-21 14:16:41 · answer #5 · answered by ALIBUGS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy hitting on you doesn't care about you.... just a casual, sexual relationship.
You and your husband have been married only a year and most of that you've been apart. You need to find a way to be together so you can bond together. That's not going to happen apart.
In Ancient Israel, newlyweds were exempt from military service for the first year after getting married. The importance of this time was known even then.
Sue
2006-11-21 14:08:02 · answer #6 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Now distance is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, but in your case its the opposite. I think you should reconcil differences with your husband asap and remind him why he married you. Saving money or not its better to have a good relationship and be poor than a richer lonely one. You may get separation allowance for being apart but is a few extra dollars worth a marriage? You tell him to come home and sort it out! You are the woman, you should wear the pants and have him on his knees, get back to your job lady! You may have cheated but has he? I assure you if you were lonely, so is he. If you love him despite the infidelity of one or both of you, bring him home and live together. Make him fall back in love with you. Relationships take a lot of work and compromise, remember that. Good luck
2006-11-21 14:18:19 · answer #7 · answered by geronemo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Turning to someone because you are lonely is no way to begin a relationship. If you marriage can not be repaired, then you should take some time to yourself and let yourself heal. You can not trust your feelings for this new man now. New relationships are always interesting and exciting and I imagine that the added factor of sneaking around intensified these feelings. True relationships - ones that last - take time to develop and they don't end when you are apart a short period of time, either.
2006-11-21 14:13:04 · answer #8 · answered by julie w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are living in sin ...sorry if it sounds harsh but you ask for honest opinions , and so you have it ...it is sad that you and your husband were staying apart . For a start , marriage was NOT meant to be like that ...for your own reasons which you two know of , your marriage is blown out like a bubble that cannot be retrieved unless God intervenes...either you leave the new guy or you stick to him and dissolve your marriage ...there is no two way street in marriage ...if you are a christian , read Mathew 19 , I Cor 7 ...these are the only reasons that separation is allowed in God's eyes ...unless you and your husband could forgive and retrieve your relationship....its your choice and your commitment ...also talk your mind out to your husband for staying together , if he does not agree , then he is not committed to your relationship...therefore is not truly worthy of being a husband.....again , your choice ...God bless
2006-11-21 14:23:55 · answer #9 · answered by srjione 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry about your situation. You need to first move to where your husband is so that you can work on your relationship, if you really want it and you need to then STOP TALKING TO THIS OTHER GUY, what is wrong with you girl?? Men are only about sex, he probably saw a perfect opportunity with you. This guy probably thought I will satisfy her need for sex but she's not going to break up with her husband so i have nothing to worry about. You need to get some girlfriends you can hang out with that won't lead you astray and definetly call your husband more. Have phone sex with him or something, just don't continue with the affair, the more you get into it, the harder it will be to get out.
2006-11-21 14:11:18 · answer #10 · answered by Chantilly Lace 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My advice would be not to get attached to this guy. If he doesn't have the same feelings then your just going to get hurt again/more. Also, if you two are not happy together anymore (husband) then I would go ahead and get a divorce, or before you take that step try counsling. I wish you luck.
2006-11-21 14:09:16 · answer #11 · answered by jessdjnick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋