Are they just friends or is it me? SERIOUS ANWSERS ONLY PLEASE. KIDS INVOLVED!!?

Question

Im going through seperation with husband. He has a bedsit, I love him still and we have 3 young kids. I made him go believing I was helping him on road to recovery from alcoholism. There is a girl around him a lot, her Mum stays in same house. He told me she only goes there once a week. She has his number. She has spoken to me on phone and says she has b'friend and there just friends. Since discovered he hasnt been at work when he says he has, she's been there when he's there & her mum at work. he's been v.distant with me&kids. He says Im paranoid. I had a row with her in the end calling her a home wrecker and she said she knows him better than me!! She went away for weekend and he was suddenly interested in us again? They both insist its innocent but I dont believe them. He recently said 'sex to adults is like the park to kids?' I think there having sex and hiding it from myself and her boyfriend. Ive filed for divorce now but he makes me doubt myself, saying he wants 2 come home???

Answer 1

Don't take hm back, What he is doing is trying to make sure he has somewhere to go when she dumps him. He knows that she is not a permamnet situation and that it is not going to work out. Does she have a BF, probably not, she is saying that to make you think that everything is okay, she is a coward to have to lie to you, if she is going to sleep with a married man with kids. she should be able to stand up and be truthful. But she is also protecting herself so that you can't blame her and she doesn't have to feel the guilt of the marragie falling apart. Please do what is best for you and the kids, you obviously were not happy before this all started so now it is time to not just think of yourself but to think about the kids and the situation they may end up in if you get back together. You in your heart believe that he is sleeping with this other woman, so that is going to cause resentment and arguments later on. The kids do not need to be brought into that mess, they are better off going through the divorce and explaining to the kids that it just didn't work out. They will be okay

Answer 2

marie: Since you are living with an alcoholic, you are being conned by a man who is conning himself ! He has been having an affair with this lady friend of his and it has gone sour on him. An alcoholic is a very sick person, who has mastered the "art" of self-deception. The disease of alcoholism is a FAMILY problem, affecting each and every family member. You and your 3 children have to get into counseling for your own sanity and long-term good. Usually, ( 80 % ) of the time, the alcoholic will seek help when the spouse decides to leave him or her and means it !
Your husband may or may not change his choice of life style but you can change yours and your children's' . Seek a trial separation to impress upon your husband that YOU will not put up with his alcoholic mind games. Let him believe that you are leaving him for good ... since he was cheating on you and the children with both, the bottle and the other woman. Don't doubt yourself - that's the nature of the effect of the disease on the family [you] . Living with any person with an addiction is a life from hell and back. You and the children deserve far better than that ! Good luck to you and the kids, "marie".

Answer 3

i was married in 1991, had 2 daughters in 93 and 95 and got divorced in 97, due to my wonderful husband bringing a woman to our marital home on my birthday and introducing me to her as his lover. I had heard rumours previously 12 months back that he had a new friend and he vehemently denied there was anything in it as he was commited to our marriage. He did move out about 6 months before bringing his lover to our home, but when question if there was somebody else, was again denied it most strongly. A friend was the description.. However, he then came clean, and owned up to meeting this woman 2 months into my first pregnancy. And it had been going on since then.. I am not saying every man is the same, they're not, but in my experience, be careful. I wish u all the luck in the world, with or without him x

Answer 4

poor you, im gonna answer from the other girls point of view, my husbands best friend seperated from his wife, got a bedsit and was a wreck, we were friends but got closer we talked, being a woman i saw both sides rather than my husband, i took him shopping, i got his flat together, i helped him find his flat, purely platonic men dont have a clue, but it didnt last i fell for him and my husbands now my ex and i live with his best mate with my 2 children, long and short of it at the mo they cud well just be friends but in time that can develope, if you want your man fight for him, my husband never fought for me at all, and he now regrets it, in my case it wouldnt of changed anything, which make me wonder he might well wanna come home i,d been with my ex hubby 20yrs and not once did i want to go home, he must have feelings too say that, i knew id made the right choice, maybe a last chance is on the cards, make him prove himself, all the luck in the world believe it or not whatever you and your babes will be ok

Answer 5

You have to make a decision, either divorce him or call it all off. You will never know for sure if he's having an affair unless he confesses and that's unlikely. Getting a divorce because of a gut feeling is a bit of an overreaction though. You'd better have some concrete evidence before you proceed. This is a major decision in your life and your children's life. Hire a private detective to follow them and you'll know for sure. The evidence he gathers will confirm or allay your suspicions and if he is cheating, this evidence will help you in court.

Answer 6

Take it from someone who has been down this road. Make it ABSOLUTELY clear. She is NOT welcome! Not at your house, not at his job, not anywhere near him. You can't decide what she does but, you CAN, SHOULD, and MUST tell him in no uncertain terms - there is room for one woman in his life and, if he is going to live in your house, that woman is you. She makes you uncomfortable and, as your husband, he should respect that, as you would if the shoe were on the other foot. Why does it matter if you are jealous, right, or wrong? You don't want her around and he should cut the relationship for his children and his wife NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

Answer 7

I'm not so sure you should jump the gun and let him come home. They had something going. Now she must of told him the bf is more suited for her, so he'd just come home for now tell the next little home wrecker appears out of the blue.

Have respect for yourself and those darling kids. Sure they need a daddy, but he can be one from under another roof.

Answer 8

theres something about a women when she feels like something might be wrong 9 times out of10 your right im married and have 4 children and dont trust my husband only time will tell if you dont stop feeling that way then put a tape recorder or something around if you would like to talk more my email address is [e-mail]

Answer 9

That is a really tough, one. i hope you manage to sort it, just make sure 100% that your right, before you go ahead with the divorce, i hope he isn,t cheating, but if he is he diserves a good slapp. and you deserve better, take him for every thing the little git has got, leave him without a pot to p's in lousey scumbag, people like that give blokes a bad name. but if he isn,t and you have it wrong, then good luck to the pair of you.

Answer 10

You don't sound paranoid.... the things they have both said would imply that there is a lot more going on there than just friendship. Don't let that dog back in the house!